BODY FOUND; LIKELY HUDSON'S NEPHEW "The Cook County medical examiner's office is investigating reports on Monday of a child's body found in an SUV in Chicago, a spokesperson for the office told CNN. The Chicago Tribune — citing the medical examiner's office — reported that the body of a boy was found Monday morning in a white SUV connected with Julian King, the missing nephew of Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Hudson."
-Mollygood
The unstable and Peter Pan-like Michael Jackson has once again put himself in a suspicious position, this time moving into a Las Vegas mansion across the street from an elementary school for children 13 and younger. We couldn't make this stuff up.
Casino owner Steve Wynn reportedly put Michael up in attempts to persuade the singer to appear in a Vegas comeback show. Regardless of who selected this property, did nobody think for one second that this might look bad for someone previously accused of child molestation? Nobody?
Yohane Banda, the man who allowed Madonna to adopt his child and then used the situation repeatedly to bask in the media spotlight, is back at it after hearing news of the singer's divorce from Guy Ritchie.
Instead of offering up a respectable "no comment," the father has this to say:
Angelina refused to squash rumors that she and Brad Pitt were considering adopting so soon after the birth of her twins, saying:
"We have so many children that they're not really stunned anymore when kids come home. They're all at that great age that they are not threatened. They're independent. They don't need Mommy and Daddy all the time."
Um, none of the kids are over the age of seven, right? Yeah, they are totes independent. You might as well send them all back to their country of origin and let them fend for themselves.
Cheeseburger! Cheeseburger! Cheeseburger!
Besides implements of war, war itself and low-skill jobs, the United States, famous for saving everyone's ass and then forcing them to adopt the worst parts of American culture, is now exporting yet another wondrous thing it seems to have perfected: obesity and all the ills accompanying it.
The New York Times today takes an in-depth look at the fattest nation in Europe, the newly gluttonous Greece, where more than three quarters of the adult population is now either overweight or obese. Another study showed that the number of overweight Greek 12-year-olds has increased 212 percent since 1982. And the rest of Europe hasn't fared much better. In Italy and Spain, more than 50 percent of the adults are overweight. In France it's 45 percent.
Why is Europe growing so? It's all about the food. It's the burgers and the sweets and the red meat and the Coca Cola, all of which have become huge sellers in Greece, whose Mediterranean cuisine used to be considered one of the healthiest in Europe. These days, Greek children love shit:
CONTINUED »
So last night I was invited to the premiere of Hounddog, the film that caused a lot of controversy a while back because it features a Dakota Fanning rape scene. After watching the movie, I can safely say that the fuss was overblown, but that's probably obvious at this point.
On to the good stuff: The red carpet! Where my spot along the velvet ropes was labeled "Whittle Little, Jossip.com." Awesome.
A few weeks ago, the children were freak dancing, presumably with the support of a filming guardian. Today, they're being goaded by an adult into violently berating another little girl who they say is "big in the stomach."
Videos like this always remind me of a great Keanu Reeves quote from 1989's Parenthood:
You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.
Click through for the NSFW, horrifying clip.
'France's broadcast authority has banned French channels from airing TV shows aimed at children under 3 years old, to shield them from developmental risks it says television viewing poses at that age. The High Audiovisual Council, in a ruling published Wednesday, said it wanted to "protect children under 3 from the effects of television."' [AP]
Someone needs to keep an eye on Jennifer Aniston, because rumor has it John Mayer dumped her and, if the media is to be believed, she is going to have a nervous breakdown due to the grief. Or something.
Wow! Is Nickelodeon finally returning to its glory days and giving adults a reason to watch TV with their kids? This hasn’t happened since The Adventures of Pete & Pete went away*.
Oui! Oui! Oui! Whereas we deep-fried Americans lounge behind computers and blog angrily ("I'ma break this fuckin' MacBook, y'all!!!1!) when news about Angelina Jolie and her ubiquitous brood overtakes all the other headlines, the French take to the fucking rues and let the world know they're pissed:
Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag ruined one of the most beloved children’s characters at an AIDS benefit yesterday in LA. Barney would have been infinitely cooler had he eaten the reality show losers, so now he’s kind of dead to me.
According to a negligibly reputable publication we may or may not have heard of, there appears to be a growing trend of black people adopting white children. Which may or may not explain why overgrown little-person Tom Cruise has suddenly been invited to join the Will Smith/Jada Pinkett clan.
"Five year-old kills 445-pound bear!" chirps the enthusiastic headline writer at CNN. Which all sounds incredibly heroic until you realize that said five year-old is actually a Southern hick. Whose grandfather readily brags that the child made the kill (i.e. pulled the trigger of his so-called "youth rifle") all on his own. Take that, you unarmed grizzly! [CNN]
It’s too bad folks up in Westchester don’t receive the City Section because they would have been happy to read about the 11 uniquely messed up 17 year-olds raised in the city featured in this week’s section.
After reading about the music prodigy who uses the piano to entice “hot girls” and the Queens lesbian who was harassed by her classmates, the lack of culture in the suburbs finally seems worth it.
Even kids raised in stroller friendly neighborhoods don’t turn out so great. David Helene of Cobble Hill talked some smack about Park Slope.
I don’t go to Park Slope much. I have friends who live there, but I think the kids who go to Berkeley Carroll are kind of cocky. The partying is also way more intense there than over here. They drink a lot more than we do, and I’ve heard that the drug use may be a little more.
And that’s South Brooklyn. On the Upper East Side and in Sunday Styles, things are worse. Intrepid Times reporter Ruth La Ferla watched Gossip Girl with real Upper East Side private school girls. One girl said the show "is not just a fantasy."
Maybe the fantasy is a well-adjusted kid raised in this city.
Taking a page from this week's New York magazine: If UrbanBaby.com is a site for gauche mothers to bicker about their bratty kids and drinking habits, and if UrbanDaddy.com is a site for ex-frat guys with Wall Street pay stubs and an affinity for bottle service, it's a shame UrbanMommy.com is just a parked webpage instead of a site for Upper East Side bachelors who want to fuck their mothers.
Editorial Director
