• It's a bird! It's a plane! No wait, it's just Christian Slater's inordinately large/shiny forehead.
• Nicole Kidman's children refuse to respect her authority.
• Come on, Steve-O. Everybody knows when you smoke weed out of a soda can, you gotta go with Coca Cola classic.
• Not sure what to get your grandparents for question? Just ask yourselves, "What would Tila Tequila do?" Then go ahead and do the exact opposite.
• Hey Katie Holmes: Salisha from Top Model called. She wants her annoyingly perky bob haircut back.
• We're not saying Keira Knightley has an eating disorder. We're only kindly requesting that you consider donating some of your spare change to the "Please, For The Love Of God, Buy This Woman A Big Mac" fund.
• Who tops the list of "Celebrity Lesbian Crushes?" (Hint: It's not Penelope Cruz).
• More signs that Britney Spears is no longer the irresistible sex symbol that she once was: creepy magic-man Criss Angel has pretty much done everything short of signing an affidavit and taking a lie detector test to dispel rumors that the two are romantically involved.
• Audrina and Lauren Conrard show off their beach bodies, but it's just not the same without Heidi's new funbags.
• Christian Bale has lady-hands! Either way, he's still infinitely cooler than Christian "Grabby Hands" Slater.
• Angelina Jolie is under fire for denouncing Madonna for child-stealing when she herself is "well on her way" to kidnapping an entire starting five.
• Sharon Osbourne used to retaliate against negative reports in the press by sending the offending journalists "poo" in a box.
• Publisher Leigh Haber is already being toted as the next Judith Regan. A delighted Haber is to have begun practicing her racial and ethnic slurs.
• Christian Slater and Sharon Stone continue to dry-hump each other without actually dating.
• Apparently Mandy Moore gave DJ A.M. her digits right in front of ex Wilmer Valderrama's face. Fortunately, Valderrama has a never-ending supply of up and coming tween starlets to help dull the pain.
• Dustin "Screech" Diamond is reportedly "very nervous" about rumors that Paris Hilton's bestie, hottie Kim Kardashian, is shopping around a sex tape of her own.
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At the Speak Truth to Power event on Friday night at Chelsea Piers, Bill Clinton stopped for a moment to pose with Bobby co-stars Joshua Jackson, Sharon Stone, Christian Slater, and Martin Sheen, as well as Ethel Skakel Kennedy and Kathleen Kennedy Townsend — before the group played one final round of "Whose Jowel Measures the Longest?" That's Clinton's (and, it turns out, Slater's) second favorite game; the former president's favorite, meanwhile, involves a rulebook that fiercely prohibits "measuring from the taint."
You wouldn't expect Christian Slater or Paris Hilton to stay out of the headlines for more than a couple hours, but pair the duo together and what do you have? A West Hollywood party and the police.
Slater was at Paris' L.A. spread for a party when he decided it'd be a good idea to climb onto her neighbor's roof to check out a group supposedly complaining about all the noise. And since he just hasn't been the same since that woman whose ass he grabbed rejected him, he lost his footing and fell into the bushes below.
So the question begs: How is this going to affect his court requirement to stay out of trouble for six months? His lawyer would like you to believe it won't. And we agree, so long as he stays out of Paris' bushes.
After wading through the summer months with his future in doubt (and turning down a deal in July that required him to admit guilt), Christian Slater's palms are a little less sweaty.
A judge agreed to his plea deal with prosecutors to wipe his slate clean of his May groping charge if he stays out of trouble for the next six months.
Which, we're hoping, shouldn't be hard. His last conviction was as far back as 1997, so we've got until at least 2013 before we need to once again protect the asses of Upper East Siders.
· New York magazine is trying to beat the New York Times with it's delayed trend reportage. First up is the tired (and contrived) battle between Good Morning America's Diane Sawyer and Today's Katie Couric. We get it: GMA is gaining, Katie is still rich. And of course there's Kurt Andersen's late-to-the-game (though actually entirely entertaining) spin on Maer Roshan's Radar magazine, plump with Spy rip-off notations .. though he should know. Oh, the sometimes-enviable editorial calendar of a weekly.
· It wasn't another Bruce Willis groped Lindsay Lohan story, so we didn't care too much. But the fact that just-arrested-for-groping Christian Slater is on Broadway in The Glass Menagerie breaks out hearts. He's single-handedly killing the arts!
· CNBC chair Pamela Thomas-Graham is causing headaches for her GE bosses after joining the board of Idenix Pharmaceuticals. How ever will the biz channel cover the drug industry with such a conflict of interest? The same way it covers publicly traded companies with their bulging stock portfolios.
· ESPN has lined up its first ombudsman: Washington Post sports editor George Solomon. The 18-month term requires a whole once-a-month critique column on ESPN.com from Solomon - "linked from the front page" ! - though he'll keep a Sunday column going at WaPo.
· Ivana Trump is taking on her ex-husband The Donald in Las Vegas, stamping her name on a new 73-story condo tower, dubbed the tallest residential tower in Sin City.
· D-lister Kathy Griffin allegedly tried to extort $250k from her eye doc, Dr. Robert Maloney, who supposedly botched her LASIK surgery. She threatened to go to the media if he didn't pay up, but he's on the offensive in the media assault with letters of recommendation from Cindy Crawford and Kenny G.
· The Boston Globe's Mark Jurkowitz resumes his game of masthead hopscotch, returning to the alt-weekly Boston Phoenix as its media critic after leaving that same post for Boston magazine and then, uh, the Boston Globe.
· Winner of this week's Public Fellatio Award is Ice-T, who's said to have received full under-the-table service at NA from wife Nicole Coco Austin and an unnamed brunette. Ice-T's manager Jorge Hinojosa, who initially said "That's fucking hot," has since recanted his enthusiasm with heart-felt denials.
Editorial Director
