It's not easy being mean. Sure, when you come across something that involves the words "Celebrity," "Rehab," and "VH1", your faith in humanity dies a little bit as you type out a snarky retort. But sometimes professional blogging (a real job, unlike Bigfoot hunters) can make you a little bit cynical. It's almost enough sometimes to make you want to get rid of your wireless connection. But then there are stories like this one: How the three actors who took over Heath Ledger's part in Terry Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus after the actor's death earlier this year will be donating the money they make from the film to Ledger's daughter, Matilda. Ledger never had a chance to update his will before his unexpected death, so there has been worries that Matilda would not be taken care of. Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell are all commendable for making one sour old blogger believe that humanity is not all running to The Hills.
Or the the hottie we all lusted after in Alexander? [LARM]
"As far as I'm concerned he's exactly the way he should be," Colin Farrell says about his son who was born with a neurological disorder. "He's nothing but a gift."
We wish you could see us sarcastically clapping right now.
[Photo]
She may not be quite at the level of Cruiseazy crazy, but Dessarae Bradford is slowly walking the line to the loony bin. In her hit MySpace single, "I Fucked Alec Baldwin in His Ass/The Truth About Colin Farrell" (which will never, ever stop being funny), Dessarae proclaims "Colin Farrell is my bitch. Colin Farrell is my bitch." (Seriously, listen to it.)
But after she stalked Farrell, she attempted to get a restraining order against him for stalking her, and went bonkers on the Miami Vice/Nicole Narain sex tape star during the Tonight Show, Farrell finally decided that if anyone was a bitch, it was whack attack Bradford. He finally got his own restraining order to keep the nutcase away.
Of course, Bradford didn't show up to her court date yesterday … but that didn't stop the judge from doing his public duty to protect the rich and famous.
… Judge John Reid signed an order barring her from coming within 150 yards of Farrell for three years.
The stay-away order means Bradford can't come near the "Miami Vice" star's home, work or vehicle.
We really, really do hope she's still allowed to make MySpace music, though. We're so looking forward to more "twisted puppy" lyrics.
Steer clear of 'Vice' star for 3 years, fanatic told [Lisa Munoz, Daily News]
• Come on, people. Hugh Hefner didn’t have a stroke! He just went to bed after Wheel of Fortune. Because he’s 80 freakin’ years old? [AP]
• Yes. We all know Colin Farrell is bad in bed. We saw the tape. [R&M]
• Normally we don't make fun of sick people … but eww. Jared Leto has gout? OMG did he give to Lindsay Lohan? [Page Six]
• Fabian Basabe tries to keep his existance meaningful by standing up for his friends and suing Bungalow 8. For the time being, however, you can all enjoy his absense from the club. [NYDN]
• Well, the gays for one, one watch Oprah over Ellen. Somehow, we're sure the rest of you agree. [Queerty]
Rather than let Colin Farrell's PR team spin what happened during Thursday's Tonight Show taping, Dessarae Bradford is holding a presser this morning to explain her side of things. You see, she wasn't looking to accost Farrell on stage — she just wanted to make sure he got served with court papers before he left the country. See? Reasonable excuse to jump on Jay Leno's stage.
Colin was too receptive toward me and he then put his arm around me and started walking me off of the stage whispering certain things to me that I will mention later, trying to avoid being detected by the microphone still attached to him at the time.
The camera that we strolled pass was still taping at the time because the red light was still on and it turned with us as we walked by obviously still recording colin and I interacting.
The whole studio was quite and no one was alarmed, because Colin's reaction was too inviting toward seeing me.
Security never came over to us, and Mr. Leno never moved from his seat nor summons his security because Colin was talking to me comfortably with his whole arm draped around me extreamly close.
COLIN FARRELL NEVER TOUCHED MY ELBOW AND SUMMONED GUARDS.
He chatted with me as I tried to explain my presence at the show, until he realized people took notice of us talking closely. he then whispered softly for security after he and I were still debating about settling this court matter before going to court. I will explain more in full detail monday.
THE PROOF IS IN THE FOOTAGE!
After the jump, Dessarae's full email to the press, and details on her press conference.
Earlier: Colin Farrell Makes Sure He Ain't Anybody's Bitch, Let Alone Dessarae Bradford's
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Do you remember these lyrics?
dance / dance my song / i fucked alec baldwin in his ass / i fucked alec baldwin in his ass / i fucked / i fucked / i fucked alec baldwin in his ass (ooh!) / shake your asses / on the floor / my ass had a romp with alec baldwin / my ass had a romp with alec baldwin / my ass had a romp with alec baldwin / he's my twisted puppy / colin farrell / is my bitch / colin farrell / is my bitch / ruff ruff ruff / colin farrell is my bitch / sit / beg / roll over / (heavy panting) / bring me my whip / colin farrell / a dark twisted puppy / colin farrell / a dark twisted puppy / fetch / sit
We sure do. Those are the catchy verses of the song titled "Colin Farrell Is My Bitch" – available on MySpace – by Dessarae Bradford, the phone sex operator who once sued Colin Farrell for $5,000 for allegedly sending racy text messages that caused her "mental anguish … panic attacks, aggravation and insomnia." (The suit was later thrown out.) And while Dessarae also has a book by a similar name – the tell-all Colin Farrell: A Dark Twisted Puppy – recent events have called for a reversal of fortunes: Dessarae is becoming Colin's bitch.
After a sneak attack during Farrell's Tonight Show With Jay Leno taping on Thursday – wherein she managed to get on stage before Colin escorted her offstage and into the hands of security – Colin reacted by securing a restraining order against his No. 1 stalkerfan. Unfortunately for those not in attendance at the Tonight Show, the encounter didn't make the air — which crazies like Bradford usually hope for.
Farrell Files for Restraining Order [TMZ]
Related: All Colin Farrell coverage
Related: All Dessarae Bradford coverage
• Who is Anderson Cooper's mystery Julio? And what does this mean for immigration reporting on CNN? [Gawker]
• There's no better way to end a much too much too long week than to pay tribute to the good old days, when Colin Farrell wasn't the douchebag he is today. [Mollygood]
• Jamie-Lynn Sigler bought a downtown pad. Really, the joke is the lame ass Page Six headline, but we'll forgive them. We've been told that Friday is the day you can get anything on the Page and we guess they mean it. [Page Six]
• Is Sandra Bullock the next celeb with a baby on the way? Jesse James, remember, please, to check the car seat. [Socialite's Life]
• Chelsae Clinton shows her support for her vice daddy. [Daily Politics]
So that's why Colin Farrell was in New York this week. When we ran into him Thursday on 10th Street, he didn't have much to say except that he hadn't heard of Jossip. When we mentioned that his attorneys certainly have, his interest grew, at least until we explained why we're on a first name basis with the folks at Lavely & Singer: We've dealt with them exhaustively on all matters of his Nicole Narain sex tape. (At that piont he grew noticeably uncomfortable, given he was on the sidewalk macking it to some random lass.)
And then we hear today, with Rush & Molloy delivering the scoop, that he spent Easter Sunday with Narain's camp and an arbitrator, reaching an "amicable" settlement in the matter.
The two hadn't seen each other face to face since word leaked last year that representatives for Narain were peddling an explicit video from the couple's romp.
Matthews insists that there was "no tension" between the former couple. But we hear that they sat on opposite ends of the negotiating table - and in separate rooms - and that ÂFarrell showed little affection for the woman who, so far, has cost him an estimated $500,000 in legal fees.
And here's we details get sketchy. You see, also present was our favorite sex tape proprieter David Hans Schmidt, who did not reach a deal with Farrell and is thus still on the receiving end of his litigation. Schmidt's lawyers, meanwhile, demanded to videotape Farrell's testimony on the condition they don't release the tape, but they may argue before a judge to release the tape and then target Narain for breaching her contract with Schmidt's Internet Commerce Group for settling with Farrell.
So while we've got a settlement between Farrell and Narain, there's no deal between Farrell and Schmidt, which means there might be new lawsuits between Narain and Schmidt. And, what's more, there will be another video tape (of Farrell talking about his sex life) to look forward too. Whee!
• When Brangelina welcome their first child together, just be happy it isn't named Moses. [TMZ]
• Page Six picks up our Colin Farrell got drunk item, but in Blind Item packaging. [Page Six]
• GQ's May issue doesn't only feature TomKat parading down a deserted road in black and white. It also has an interview with the twosome, where you learn Cruise thinks pregnancy seminars are "a fun game of learning." [AP]
• With Scary Movie 4 delivering the biggest Easter weekend opening ever, the brothers Weinstein muster decent starter evidence their billion dollar Weinstein Co. might have a shot. [AP]
• It doesn't shock us that the U.S. Figure Skating Association is trying to ignore Olympic flame Johnny Weir, but that he's still making headlines. [Gatecrasher]
• With zero accounts of Naomi Campbell beating an assistant this week, we needed a report of Pete Doherty assaulting a photog. [Perez Hilton]
Sure, the Tribeca Film Festival is just around the corner, but first we've got smaller players to field — namely the Gen Art Film Festival. The Acura-heavy week-long event was sure to have some pleasantries, as evidenced by last night's screening of Shut Up And Sing, where the ensemble cast of Molly Shannon & Co. proved there's more to laugh at the Hamptons about than coked up publicists at Star Room. (And kudos to to the cast for having everyone show up.)
But that's not where the fun ends, especially when Colin Farrell's involved. You remember him from such films as Phone Booth, Alexander, and, oh yeah, that porn flic with Nicole Narain.
The recovering alcoholic – who wrapped Miami Vice before entering rehab for pain killer dependency in December – showed up Thursday night to catch Wristcutters: A Love Story at the Clearview West cinema in Chelsea. And while Open All Night was reporting the just-out-of-rehab Irishman sipped only Coca-Cola across the street at the Westside Tavern before the movie, we hear his imbibing at the afterparty at BED wasn't typical of a supposed teetotaler.
No doubt sipping plenty of the sponsor-provided Johnny Walker Black Label (or was it Citroc vodka?), Farrell spent the evening getting sloshed — to the dismay of the hoards of publicists catering to every aspect of the event. Noticeably absent? Farrell's own publicist, Danica Smith, who we hear actually phoned in before the event to request handlers escort Colin from the party if he got out of control. In the end, that's exactly what happened when the Black Label started looking like colors of the rainbow.
• You know how Nick Lachey used to always pretend to be agitated by Jessica Simpson's dumb blond thing? Nick, you know you love it — if you're hanging with Kristen Cavallari, the jig is up. [People]
• We still don't understand why anyone would pay to watch Colin Farrell videotape his dick, Nicole Narain was offered $3 million for her unfortunate encounter. [TSG]
• After getting snubbed by Chanel, Lindsay Lohan tries to move over to the face of Vuitton. [Star]
• It was the Black & White ball in honor of the Plaza, but the Capote Crew was puttin' on the Ritz. [NYP], [NYT]
• So, now Nick Lachey and President Bush have something in common. Besides being frat boys. [Reuters]
• What super-duper, Clay Aiken level of gayness do you have to be on to watch Liza on Bravo during the Superbowl? [NBC]
• Of course Sienna Miller was using Jude Law to help her career. The naked photos, are out there people. [Page Six]
• Us Weekly asks readers: where did Jessica Simpson sleep last night? Extra's answer: with Jude Law, Josh Lucas, everyone, basically. However, our gut instincts tell us she's banging Adam Levine. [Us Weekly, Extra]
• Angelina Jolie says good-bye to her single life, which means selling her mansion in Buckinghamshire and moving to California. [The Mirror]
• Colin Farrell's back on the radar, and this time he's searching for an intelligent male assistant. For $750 a week, you can clean up his used condoms, go on 15 cigarette/booze runs a day, and sweetly sing "Colin Farrell is My Bitch" into his ear while he's doing sit-ups. [Defamer]
Just because Colin Farrell's lawsuit with Nicole Narrain has been pushed back till July 17 doesn't mean the sex tape fun has to come to an end like Natasha Lyonne's acting career.
Which is why we'd like to draw your attention to the website with what is perhaps the best website name we've ever heard of: "I fucked Alec Baldwin in his ass / The truth about Colin Farrell."
Never have those two thought processes ever reached such tandem in our minds. Nor should they.
The name of the site, it so happens, is also the name of the "dance single" from Dessarae Bradford — who, we've come to understand, identifies as a "musical artist" whose claims to fame actually do include having sex with Alec Baldwin (and her dog, and a strap on). Her single – which is sure to be at the top of the Billboard Club charts in just a matter of days – can be sampled at her MySpace profile. And in our continued commitment to service journalism, we've provided you with some lyrics:
dance / dance my song / i fucked alec baldwin in his ass / i fucked alec baldwin in his ass / i fucked / i fucked / i fucked alec baldwin in his ass (ooh!) / shake your asses / on the floor / my ass had a romp with alec baldwin / my ass had a romp with alec baldwin / my ass had a romp with alec baldwin / he's my twisted puppy / colin farrell / is my bitch / colin farrell / is my bitch / ruff ruff ruff / colin farrell is my bitch / sit / beg / roll over / (heavy panting) / bring me my whip / colin farrell / a dark twisted puppy / colin farrell / a dark twisted puppy / fetch / sit
Needless to say, we've listened to it a half dozen times already. But why, we must ask, is Dessarae targeting Colin and Alec? She explains: "I am WAGING WAR ON COLIN FARRELL.in this song and Alec Baldwin's ass is just a casualty of war! It is a phat underground house beat sound - and the controversy about my song has already started. YOU WILL LOVE IT! ORDER IT TODAY!"
Glad that's cleared up.
Now, Dessarae, the entrepreneur that she is, isn't willing to just have a hit single. Nope — she's got a book too! We're not sure what, exactly, fills its pages, but we do know that she's running a special: $50 for the book and a (very illegal) copy of Colin's sex tape! Take that, Lavely & Singer!
And as if the single, the book, and the DVD weren't enough, there's a custom cocktail to match!
Name of Drink: "COLIN FARRELL IS MY BITCH"
INGREDIENTS
1/2 oz Bacardi 151 rum
1/2 oz Goldschlager cinnamon schnapps
1/2 oz Jagermeister herbal liqueur
1/2 oz Patron
Given that Kevin Federline has only offered us "PopoZao" without a book, DVD, or means of getting drunk, we're inclined to start routing for the one and only, Dessarae Bradford. We just love a gal that turns Alec Baldwin into a necessary casualty of war.
I fucked Alec Baldwin in his ass / The truth about Colin Farrell [Blessed Venture Pub.]
Dessarae Bradford [MySpace]
Related: All Colin Farrell coverage
• Isn't just great when the paparazzi brings lost souls together? Kate Moss and the cops … it's just like cream cheese and lox. [The Sun]
• Tracy Morgan pleads not guilty to DUI charges. Guys, he wasn't drunk. He always talks like that. [MSNBC]
• Terrell and Derell Brittenum won't continue their American Idol dream. Because they'll be in jail. [People]
• Why is Colin Farrell having so much trouble with that homemade porn flick? Uhh, he wasn't wearing his lucky underpants. [Sun]
• Seriously? Clay Aiken is gay? [Page Six]
• The secret service decked out in club wear? Yep, everyone has pretty much given up on the Barbara and Jenna Bush twins. [Page Six]
• Jonathan Rhys-Meyers wants to ride the F train with Teri Hatcher. So. Gross. [I don't like you in that way]
• ABC coughed up a brilliant explanation for canceling Emily's Reasons Why Not. Uh, basically, cuz it sucked. [Star]
• Rachel Sklar joins the wonderful world of freelance. We will so miss having her stalk us while we're trying to have lunch! [NYO]
• Please no. Buttafuoco reality TV is the lowest form of life we could ever possibly reach as human beings. [MSNBC]
• Colin Farrell can't possibly be blamed for making a sex tape with his girlfriend. The whole thing was obviously Nicole Narain's idea. Especially because the entire video was filmed by him, about him. If you know what we mean. [AP via MSNBC]
• Haute Living’s cut and paste job can't get past those eagle-eyed Observers. [The Real Estate]
• Paris Hilton doesn't just go number one. [Hollywood Tuna]
• Attention all wanna be gay boys age 10-18. Here's your chance to get the shit kicked out of you in dodgeball. [Queerty]
• The ultimate Cosmo girl is going to have the most rockin' sweet 16 evah. Then she's going to open her mommy's magazine and learn all about how to give great head. [Gawker]
• Reese Witherspoon isn't the only one involved in a Golden Globes "vintage" dress "scandal" — so is Nataline Portman. And somehow Kirsten Dunst is, yet again, involved. [A Socialite's Life]
• Suburban women in middle America love them some hot cowboy action. Watch out, Chicago, the cast is coming to Oprah. [Newsweek]
• It's damn hard to concentrate with those paparazzi stalking your ass. Especially if your Lindsay Lohan, and have coke induced ADD already. [OAN]
• And that Colin Farell thing is still up (pun intended). What was that Mayor Ray Nagin was saying about a delicious drink? [Colin Farrell Sex Tape]
A visit moments ago to DirtyColin.com – the very brief unauthorized online home of Colin Farrell and Nicole Narrain's sex tape – yielded this message (click image for larger version):
It turns out that – despite claims the site would be back online within 24 to 48 hours of it dropping off the Internet – John Taylor wasn't able to keep the site online. Colin's attorneys at Lavely & Singer appear to have done something right, as the domain is no longer registered to Taylor but instead to "Moniker Disputed Names" of Pompano Beach, Florida, presumably a limbo zone where the domain will sit until the proper legal docs are filed and ICANN gets around to granting Colin's wishes.
Too bad for Lavely & Singer, however, that DirtyColin.com already managed to spread its seed: The 13+ minutes of X-rated footage first reported back in July has already seeped online, thanks to the one and only Tmobile Terrorist.
Yep, the same group responsible for Paris Hilton and Fred Durst's sex tapes hitting the Web are claiming responsibility for hacking the digital rights management (DRM) technology and disseminating the tape. We at Jossip have seen the footage and can attest to its authenticity (including all of Nicole Narain's dental flossing with Farrell's jungle bush and the frightenly white pussy cat that looks to be Colin and Nicole's only spectator).
While the tape is currently available only to members on the porn site Twisted Topics, Tmobile Terrorist assured us the tape will soon be made available – free of charge – to anyone who wants to see it.
I am planning on hosting the video on another server somewhere as soon as I can free one up I only put this on this server to show you I have the video and will be releasing it to the net for FREE
…
I will tell you what, Last year when I had the durst legal on my ass for releasing his video I came up with an alternative which I will implememnt [sic] until I have found suitable hosting These details will be posted on my site for your readers to receive this video if they want it.
Anyone who wants this vid will get it…. These details will be in the forum after they have joined they can receive the video.
And you can bet our friends at Lavely & Singer will be monitoring those forums like a pedophile does the door at underage club Crush. Let the legal battle commence, full throttle.
Update: We've since been informed that the party claiming responsibility for the tape is "Tmobile Terrorist," not "T-Mobile Terrorists," as we originally reported. We've corrected the error in the copy of the article but not in the headline, due to our permalinking structure.
Twisted Topics [Official Site]
Earlier: Colin Farrell is not so happy with Jossip
Earlier: Jossip Exclusive!! Colin Farrell sex tape proprietor speaks
Earlier: Colin Farrell Sex Tape: Blame yourselves, not the lawyers
Earlier: Colin Farrell's sex tape makes a splooge splash
Related: All Colin Farrell coverage
Just when we thought we were done with legal papers for the (very early) morning, we hear from Colin Farrell's attorneys.
By now you've probably seen the completely tongue-in-cheek (well, at least it wasn't tounge in vagina, like some sites) screencap image we've been using to accompany our all-Colin Farrell, all the time coverage of his sex tape with Nicole Narain. Well, you weren't the only one: Colin's attorneys saw it too and, thanks to that silly injunction issued by the Honorable David Yaffe in Los Angeles, we've been forced to remove it.
But don't worry, not all of our fun has to be spoiled.
There is no court order, after all, barring us from republishing the cease and desist letter that just arrived in fax machine, inbox, and – if only because it was midnight here in New York when the beeps and buzzes started sounding – nearly our door from our new friends at Lavely & Singer.
Because if you can't peak at stills of Colin going down on Nicole, at the very least you can read about how much Colin doesn't want you to peak at stills of him going down on Nicole.
The legalese, after the jump.
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Leave it to Google to know just what we, and so many others, were searching for. Here's hoping PackingTape.com set a conservative daily spending budget.
Editorial Director
