So even though he probably won't be getting that pardon from George W. Bush, investment fraud-er and international con man Conrad Black is okay with being in prison. He hasn't had "unpleasantness" with anyone, and has spent his time in the slammer teaching other inmates how to launder money read (that's the first step!).
But despite being locked up in an American courthouse and watching the country's quick decline into financial ruin, Black has no schadenfreude towards the nation that currently punishes him.
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Irascible Brit Conrad Black is just one of the many jailbirds hoping to receive some clemency from an on-his-way-out George Bush.
Black used to be the third biggest newspaper baron in the world, with affiliations to The Daily Telegraph and Chicago Sun Times. Of course, that was before he defrauded all his shareholders at Hollinger Inc. and was convicted on several counts of mail and wire fraud. Whoops, someone get this man out of FAIL jail and give him a last-minute position on Bush's cabinet.
Although, ironically, even Black thought that John McCain's economic plan was a bunch of horeshit.
Conrad Black: Baron, Indicted criminal frauder…blogger? Sure, why not. The guy who was once the third biggest newspaper owner in the world, and who is now serving time in federal prison in Florida, thinks that John McCain fumbled with the potentially election-turning baillout bill.
And though most people don't care what incarcerated prisoners think of the political race, Tina Brown and her crew over The Daily Beast are going to give Black some extra fifteen minutes, maybe in the hopes that when he's sprung out of jail, he'll be a regular contributor to the site:
'Conrad Black is lecturing fellow prisoners about his own life under the guise of a course on American history, it was revealed today. His highly anticipated talks to inmates and guards have been labelled "narcissistic" rather than educational. The peer and former Daily Telegraph publisher is five months into a six-and-a-half-year jail term at Florida's Coleman federal prison following his conviction for fraud and obstruction of justice. His talks have been so eagerly awaited they have been moved from the library to a bigger venue within the prison to accommodate demand. But sources inside the jail suggest his much-vaunted lectures are more an exercise in vanity. One inmate-student said they "frequently devolve into a lesson in narcissism as Black spends most of the class spinning yarns about his career accomplishments". [...] Dubbed "Lordy" by his fellow inmates, reports suggest he has organised his cellmate to act as his butler, gofer and cleaner. After initial jail work as a dishwasher, he has been "upgraded" to work in the library, where he has virtually unlimited access to newspapers and email. [...] A source said: "Conrad remains very snobbish, despite having the same daily routine as all the other prisoners. He said he was shocked by how uneducated most of his fellow inmates were.' [TIL]
Over the weekend, downtrodden media mogul Conrad Black, and his "glamorous" wife Barbara Amiel, "sipped fine wines and champagne" and "snacked on expensive gourmet fare." It was a mini-celebration to toast his way into a six and a half year prison sentence for robbing his company Hollinger International of $6 million. Which was probably the cost of this weekend's crab legs and oysters. [NYP]
FROM THE NOT SURPRISING DEPARTMENT Conrad Black is going to jail. [Chi Tri]
Grey Area: "Black to Keep Fighting to Avoid Prison," barks the teaser on IWantMedia's generally helpful news roundup. Which sounded awfully funny and just the slightest bit racist until we realized the "Black" in question was just douchey press baron Lord Conrad Black of Crossharbour trying to weasel his way out of his amazingly lenient 6.5 year jail sentence. [Reuters]
Paris' Ears Are Burning: "I cannot understand how somebody of your stature could engage in the conduct you engaged in and put everything at risk," Judge Amy St. Eve told [Conrad Black]. "In this country, no one is above the law."
St. Eve then punctuated her statement by giving Black an incredibly lenient 6.5 year sentence and slipping him a pair of monogrammed slippers to protect him against the icy cold jail cell floors and promised he'd be back in his Park Avenue penthouse before he knew it. [FT via Mediabistro]
Update: The AP is reporting that Conrad Black was sentenced to 6 1/2 years in federal (i.e. "Pound You Up The Ass") prison for "swindling shareholders in his Hollinger International media empire out of millions of dollars."
And this time around, we're guessing the white collared offender won't be issued a presidential pardon.
Earlier: Convicted Press Baron Conrad Black Faces Up To 30 Years In The Clink
Having had some time to reflect on what he's done, money siphoner Conrad Black is still fully convinced that he was well within his right to screw Hollinger International shareholders by pilfering over $7 million of company funds to spend entirely on himself. Why? Because, in the self-righteous words of Black himself, "'I will not re-enact the French Revolutionary renunciation of the rights of the nobility."
Hear, hear!
Unfortunately, the concept of a "Robin Hood who steals from the rich and gives to the richer," failed to resonate with juries, and they convicted the pompous felon (now facing 20-30 years in federal prison) of myriad fraud charges. Natch, Black and his legal beagles have argued that it would be a miscarriage of justice to let the conviction stand, both because Black is innocent of any wrongdoing and slightly discomfited by the prospect of life in the pokey.
Unsatisfied with his guilty (but only of things that don't really matter) verdict, self-righteous money launderer Conrad Black aims to correct this blatant "miscarriage of justice" by demanding a brand spankin' new trial.
Should the request be granted, the case will be retried in another court of law, the verdict expeditiously amended, and Black accordingly tossed in jail.
Ah, the sweet smell of justice.
For some $60 million of Conrad Black's hidden fortune. [G&M]
• How Condoleezza Rice went from the most popular girl in the White House to total social pariah.
• 24 to elect its first female president, much to the dismay of former tv "prez," Geena Davis and Democratic frontrunner, Hillary Clinton.
• Andrew Lloyd Webber to make the leap from writing/producing trashy theatrical productions to writing/producing trashy reality television.
• Second Life makes it easy for unhappy computer nerds to find salvation in…their computers.
• Chicago Sun-Times too become too liberal for Conrad Black's liking.
• Campbell Brown leaves NBC to have babies, work for CNN and "do something besides fill in whenever Brian Williams is on vacay."
• Ever wondered what color Pucci caftan Elle fashion director Nina Garcia wears to the beach? Yeah, neither have we.
For any newspaper editors in chief out there who are considering running a self-penned, over-the-top tribute to a personal friend and convicted felon, we've got a helpful piece of unsolicited advice for you: don't do it.
Because if you do write an "embarrassingly overwritten homage," not only will it undermine any preexisting credibility you may have (which, in the case of the New York Sun, admittedly isn't much) but it will open you up to public ridicule in the form of a scathing rebuttal from the folks over at the Columbia Journalism Review.
Which is exactly what they did to Sun founder/EIC Seth Lipsky, in the wake of his "absurd ode to his friend and funder," Conrad Black.
• "Basically," explains a totally not-crazy Teen Vogue devotee, "all we do is act like psycho stalker sex crazed rapist-murderers or really stupid girls or people who eat too much and start fights and type annoying and get on the general YM's nerves." Oh, is that all?
• The Canadians' schadenfreude obsession with Conrad Black can probably be traced back to that time where he ditched the Canucks in order to become a British lord.
• 'Does YouTube stifle creativity?' wonders Slate. Um, clearly not!
• "As the chances of an alternative to Rupert Murdoch appear to wane," writes the New York Times, "more Wall Street Journal staffers have polished their resumes and peddled them to rival publications."
• After more than one false alarm, the words "Murdoch and Dow Jones reach agreement in principle" have us shouting from the rooftops, and singing a song we made up ourselves entitled, "It's About Fucking Time."
• Which means Christopher Bancroft has failed in his last-ditch, longshot crusade to thwart Rupert Murdoch's plans for total world domination.
• At long last, HuffPo tackles that hard-hitting issue of "Why Canadians care about the Black verdict and Americans don't."
• Harper's Bazaar EIC Glenda Bailey becomes the latest victim of the new jaundiced fashionista trend.
• William Shatner to interview celebs on boring, new Biography-channel version of Chelsea Lately.
Chris Hitchens manages to make Conrad Black's trial all about him. Shocker, right?
Lady Barbara Amiel, owner of an astounding collection of couture, author of an article entitled "Why Women Marry Up," and wife of disgraced press baron Conrad Black, notably turned to columnist Mark Steyn during her husband's fraud trial and asked him, "Do they all hate us?"
In a word, yes.
And it turns out her extravagant 60th birthday part at La Grenouille was just the tip of the iceberg.
Finally, the ladies and gentleman on the Conrad Black jury stopped their kibitzing at Pizzeria Uno (Get it? Because they're in Chicago) long enough to actually render a verdict. Unfortunately, there seems to be some confusion over the meaning of the words "not guilty."
Fallen media tycoon Conrad Black was convicted Friday of mail fraud and obstruction of justice, but a jury acquitted him of wire fraud, racketeering and several other counts.
Black, the former head of the Hollinger International Inc. newspaper empire, had been accused of swindling shareholders out of millions of dollars.
A federal court jury of nine men and three women delivered their verdict after deliberating 11 days following 14 weeks of testimony at the racketeering and fraud trial.
You hear that? They spent eleven days deliberating and still came out with the wrong decision. And, it's official: our unwavering confidence in the American legal system just died a little inside.
• When asked to clarify his feelings on Dow Jones, Ron Burkle winked and said, "Yeah, you know I'd like to get a piece of that," before reaching up for a high-five.
• Ivanka Trump has zero interest in joining morning trainwreck otherwise known as The View.
• Impossibly, the Conrad Black jury claims they're utterly incapable of unanimously reaching a (guilty) verdict.
• Michael Moore "live-chats" with HuffPo about healthcare, politics and, of course, how much he hates Dr. Sanjay Gupta.
• Amy Jacobson 'devastated' over termination. "I thought they would suspend me and then support me," she tells the Chicago Sun-Times.
• Reputed rivalry between Tina Brown and Graydon Carter gets exponentially more heated boring.
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