• Ryan Seacrest will produce Tales From the Hoff, a new E! scripted sitcom featuring David Hasselhoff that we'll all be sure to miss.

• NBC plans to launch a game show called "My Dad is Better Than Your Dad," pitting fathers and children against other families in the spirit of friendly competition. Because there's nothing healthier than telling a small child, "Your dad kinda sucks."

• Three men are charged in connection with the Jan. 9 murder of PC World editor Rex Farrance. Nope, nothing funny about that.

• Apparently we're not the only ones who think MSNBC producer Dan Abrams is too pretty to stay off-camera.

• If you think Bill O'Reilly's comment about the difference between black restaurants and white restaurants was stupid, wait until you hear Sherri Shepherd's reaction.

• Breaking: Reality television inspires romance that doesn't last.

• Ugly Betty gets a little bit prettier.

• Dan Abrams criticizes CNN as promoting "shameful advocacy masked as journalism." And this from the man who brought us Keith Olbermann!

• Brad Pitt feels bad about aging. Hopefully he can find some solace in the $20 million he made from Mr. and Ms. Smith.

CONTINUED »

Christiane Amanpour's much-hyped series God's Warriors – where CNN's graphics team was asked to throw together a Star of David, a cross, and a crescent moon to create some sort of lattice pattern – pulled in plus-or-minus 2 million viewers on each of its three airdates last week. Among those viewers? MSNBC chief Dan Abrams, who, we're hearing, is dedicating at least part of his show tonight to tear Amanpour apart. Something about her whole special being anti-Christian, anti-Jew, AND anti-Muslim.

Oh please let guests make mild anti-Semitic remarks so we can grab a YouTube clip tomorrow.

Are we just going to let Dan Abrams walk around East Hampton looking like this? Here he is at a screening of Anne Hathaway's Becoming Jane over the weekend where, clearly, East End sidekick Dave Z had the day off from grooming his BFF.

It's good to see former anchor and current chief Dan Abrams back on MSNBC, filling in for Joe Scarborough this week where he gets a chance to bring the board meeting bashing to the airwaves.

Naturally, his cable network is entirely innocent of grotesque Paris Hilton coverage.

Dan Abrams: The new Janice Min!

Face it, kids, we're in for a lot of Imus. First the insults, then the apologies, then the continued apologies, the suspension, and the incessant analysis from all over. And by all over, we mean here, too.

Rewind to last night's Scarborough Country, where MSNBC general manager (and former anchor) Dan Abrams was guest hosting for the former congressman — and found his platform for offense and defense … against Fox News.

CONTINUED »

MSNBC general manager Dan Abrams – who, we hear, has it out for us – has reason to gloat: Ratings are up, Keith Olbermann's name is everywhere, and his decision to phase out live news programming in favor of documenataries is, ahem, actually working. Reports TV Week:

The fact that the network started with a smaller audience than No. 1 Fox News Channel and second-place CNN made those percentage gains easier to post. But the 8 p.m. "Olbermann" increased its total audience 66 percent to 744,000 in November, compared with a year earlier. MSNBC's 10 p.m. to 11 p.m. documentary slate drew a 31 percent bigger audience than last year's live shows, helping to vindicate a strategy that was derided by news purists when it kicked off in the fall.

Granted, it's not exactly fair to call pedophiliac expos� factory Chris Hansen's increased frequency on the channel a progressive step toward quality programming, but we'll hand the Dan man one when he deserves it. Well done, Abrams. Now prove us wrong about Rita Cosby and Tucker Carlson getting the boot.

What's rewarding about reading Tyler Gray's interview with Counterdowner Keith Olbermann is not any particularly new insights into the MSNBC host's feud with Bill O'Reilly or his appropriate reaction to rumors about his bedroom proclivities mentioned in Page Six (though first relayed to you on Jossip). It's Keith's reaction to questions about Dan Abrams, MSNBC's general manager. While Dan readily dishes to the press about the network's relatively lone shining star (and you can bet Chris Matthews just furrowed his brow when reading that), the evidence mounts that this twosome doesn't maintain the most cordial of relationships.

CONTINUED »

• Dan Abrams says "great job" to all your MSNBC folk! You're doing a fantastic job maintaining third place.

• Fabian Basabe isn't content with just a DUI charge; he needs a 20/20 special to go into elaborate detail as to all the reasons he's not fit to hold down a real job.

• Stop. Everything. Simon Dumenco found a magazine he likes.

• Dan Peres turns his diary into an editor's letter.

• Former Budget Living doyenne Sarah Gray Miller too cheap for InStyle?

• Nick Lachey shows he's over Jessica and on to guys in cups.

Dan Abrams must be the most surprised: Ratings for his little cable news network MSNBC (which he took the reigns of just a few months ago) are, shockingly, on the rise. After a serial spat of lagging behind FNC and CNN, MSNBC is seeing huge spikes in its numbers — especially the 25-54 demograhpic, where double digit gains are all the rage. And depending on how you spin the numbers (which demographic; gains vs. the compeition), the likes of Keith Olbermann, Joe Scarborough, and Chris Matthews have all seen their viewership climb.

Thank god, then, that NBC Universal has all but let the ax fall on MSNBC, forcing it to 30 Rock, slashing its staff in a merge with NBC News proper, and moving ahead with plans to drop most live daytime news coverage and go with more documetary programming. If it ain't broke, fuck it up.

Dan Abrams is making changes over at MSNBC since landing the top spot back in June. He's snagged NY1 anchor Davidson Goldin to work as his editorial director. It still amazes us when Page Six gets these media scoops, but, well, they did it again.

Abrams has tapped former NY1 anchor Davidson Goldin to be MSNBC's editorial director. The two met in 1999 when Goldin was a producer at "Dateline NBC" and Abrams was the show's legal analyst. One of Goldin's first tasks will be to help implement Abrams' top priority: "increasing the emphasis on breaking news."

Versus, y'know, the emphasis on news that's already old.

DAN'S GOT A NEW MAN [Page Six]

This segment, brought to you by Intern Wendy and Bill O'Reilly, needs no introduction. But we'll give you one anyways.

Now that we have to feed you people twice a week, we can start to feel certain portions of our brain melting away as we pull the soundbites from our favorite cable TV personalities. Sadly, Tucker Carlson is missing from this week's edition … but, have no fear. We hear he'll still be on the air for at least another month or so.

• “So, when it‘s all said and done, is this between America and Iran? How can we say with a straight face that this does not involve America and Iran?” —Nancy Grace stops laughing at Elizabeth Smart to laugh at war, Nancy Grace, July 17

• “Oprah is really butch. If you took a good drag queen — a good drag queen version of Oprah and put it next to Oprah, you would not be able to tell these two apart.” —Tom O’Neil, Countdown, July 18

• “I mean, taking what we call talent from under the bright lights of the stage, as it were, and moving him directly into the position of general manager. Where do they get ideas like this? I don‘t care how sharp the guy is. What are the other players going to think? I mean, who would . . . Oh, yeah. Sorry, Mr. Abrams, never mind.” —Keith Olbermann is not feeling the love, Countdown, July 19

• “We hope to see you next time. If you don’t watch, I understand.” —Bill O’Reilly knows he has no viewers, The O’Reilly Factor, July 19

• “Am I turning into Bill O`Reilly? I really—I don’t want to be that guy.” —Glenn Beck, having a bloviator-induced hallucination, Glenn Beck, July 20

• “I actually read this book. Geraldo made me.” —Bill O’Reilly, the only man to read Geraldo Rivera’s autobiography, The O’Reilly Factor, July 20

Did you know that Men's Health editor David Zinczenko has a really really great life? Well, at least according to the senior citizen media columnist James Brady. (Personally, if we had to go on the Today show three times a week, we would hate our lives … then again if we lunched at the Four Seasons in Milan and had a Hampton's crash pad, we might deal with it.)

So, what makes "the Z man's" life so freaking fab? Well, he shares a non-fratty getaway in South Hampton with his buddy Dan Abrams, is getting ready for his second book release, travels the world, and loves his job.

Oh, and also, he seems to have played some role in the death of longtime GQ editor Art Cooper.

"I was telling him about Best Life, and I said, 'Is there anything you could do to help us?' There was no non-compete clause with Conde Nast, and Art said we ought to talk more. But he felt ill and went to the bar to lie down. Next thing, Julian (the co-owner) was calling an ambulance. It was a massive stroke."

Maybe it's time for Dan Abrams to start scoping out real estate on Fire Island?

Living The Good Life [James Brady, Forbes]

On Friday, MSNBC threw itself its much anticipated 10th anniversary party. And while the network aired some of the very first moments of its life, the real fun took place under the Seacaucus tents, where Phil Griffin and Steve Capus held court over minions new and old. And Dan Abrams? He was there too, seen unfastening the button pulled taut by his hard-earned pecs immediately after this photo was taken.

MSNBC At 10: Anniversary Party In NJ [TVNewser]

Times scribe Bill Carter today hands MSNBC's Keith Olbermann a pretty damn fair profile, countering his ratings success with his ratings pitfalls and playing his spat with Bill O'Reilly against both networks. But far be it for the NYT to delve too deep into media scandal and intrigue — a realm we so graciously inhabit. Because for us, the only reason to keep Olbermann in our headlines has been to revisit his email scandal, wherein exchanges with a viewer-cum-sex-partner included rants about coworkers like Rita Cosby and ex-boss Rick Kaplan. So how does Carter treat the melee?

The references to personal demons and implosions touched on Mr. Olbermann’s résumé, which includes an array of positions over the last decade. At times he has been in public disputes with employers. More recently he landed in gossip columns after some nasty e-mail messages he sent were published. In one, he mocked the intelligence of the MSNBC host Rita Cosby; in others, he used vituperative language in responding to e-mail critics.

Mr. Olbermann apologized for the e-mail exchanges, saying he had been stupid and should have known better than to engage in such confrontations. He said he wouldn’t be e-mailing viewers again.

Won't be emailing with viewers again? Sounds like a couple steps backward from new MSNBC head Dan Abrams' call for more personal interaction with viewers, like including them in control room conversations during broadcasts. As for whether Keith will lay off Outlook's reply button, after the jump we've got a recent email exchange between Keith and a viewer about a certain set of leaked emails.

MSNBC’s Star Carves Anti-Fox Niche [Bill Carter, NYT]
Related: Keith Olbermann's Email Mistress Gets a Blog

CONTINUED »

What, our MSNBC coverage hasn't been enough for you? You know the details of the cable net's 10th anniversary party – totally crashable, if you can get by security, though we know from first-hand experience that it's pretty tight – and you still want more? Then let us point you to this Television Week item, wherein new MSNBC head Dan Abrams defends his decision not to devote all-out coverage to the North Korea missile situation. His reasoning? Something about not meeting the threshold for a major news event. (You know: Shit's gotta blow up first from him to hit the red button and skip commercial interruptions.) Meanwhile, Abrams also hints at his plants to draw in more viewers: make them a part of the news production process. How?

Mr. Abrams plans to use shots of the control room during broadcasts and make viewers privy to the conversations between anchors and producers, he said.

"It's urgent. It's not fake. It's real," Mr. Abrams said. "In the control room, there is often some degree of chaos. The viewer should see more of the process."

MSBNC will debut Mr. Abrams' experiment with transparency as soon as the network is comfortable with the presentation, he said.

Now, we're not sure how much time Abrams has spent in a control room – or even MSNBC's control room, for that matter – but we've been in there quite a bit, thanks to an internshpi a few summers back. And let us tell you: the viewer needn't be privy to the "shits," "fucks," and the "Go to camera two! Jesus you lazy retards! Go to camera two!'s" just to feel like a part of the story.

Meanwhile, Eat The Press reports even more changes are afoot in Secaucus. Not only is Tucker Carlson moving from 11pm to 4pm, he's also changing program names: Gone is The Situation With Tucker Carlson. In its place: Tucker. How CBS primetime sitcom, we know. The new gimmick is to have the show evince more of Carlson's personality, which means goodbye to most outside correspondent segments — though the back-and-forth with producer will remain (and so too will the dancing?). He'll also be introducing the media watch segment "Beat The Press," because the proper way to revamp a network is engage in such blatant ripping off, even Ann Coulter would crack a smile.

Abrams Defends Missile Coverage [TV Week]
MSNBC: Changes On Tucker's Show, Starting With "Tucker" [ETP]

Happy birthday, MSNBC! Next week the network of tumult is throwing itself a bash to celebrate its 10th anniversary, marking a decade of ratings troubles, anchor stealing, and identity crisises. With Rick Kaplan gone, there's plenty of reason to celebrate: Tucker Carlson gets an afternoon slot, Rita Cosby is banished to specials, Keith Olbermann counts down his email scandals, Chris Matthews watches his viewership slip, and Dan Abrams gets to take credit for it all. So make plans for Seacaucus, because this soiree comes complete with "the most requested" Jimmy Buffett tribute band.

From: Announcements @ MSNBC
To: @MSNBC Everyone;
Sent: 7/7/2006 7:55 PM
Subject: MSNBC 10th Anniversary Party

Grab your Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses and flip-flops and get ready to party, as we celebrate MSNBC’s 10th Anniversary with great food….LIVE entertainment…dancing….prizes and lots of fun! Enjoy LIVE music by the most requested Jimmy Buffett tribute band in the country, “Jimmy & The Parrots”….

Taste award winning BBQ by “The Smoke’n Dudes”, who have competed all along the East Coast from New Hampshire to the Florida Keys …Plus- there will be several chances to win great prizes including: Gift Cards, I-Pods , Sling Boxes & DVD Recorders! We hope to see you all next Friday as we transform MSNBC into its own tropical paradise!

MSNBC celebrates its 10th Anniversary… [Insider Cable]

• Jack Shafer's experiment in Digg popularity fails. Miserably. [Slate]

• The new MSNBC has no women in primetime, but new chief Dan Abrams won't have you claiming there's anything sexist going on. [Philadephia Inquirer]

• When he's done terrorizing the halls for 4 Times Square, Steve Florio may take up a permanent position terrorizing NYU kids. [WWD]

• Clay Aiken refuses to hide in the shadows. [MollyGood]

• In her "refresh[ing]" of Better Homes & Gardens, Gayle Butler will make articles shorter and include more photos. You know, to attract the teen readers. [Demoines Register]

• Racist memorabilia are now collectors' items, so long as the purpose is to reclaim your history. [NYT]

• Unlike the waterfront, Brooklyn's magazine scene wasn't worth investing in. [NY Sun]

This week, Glenn Beck give us pointer on losing those last 10 pounds, Anderson Cooper teaches Italian, Dan Abrams bids farewell, and Keith Olbermann literally says "blah, blah, blah." Or, that's just what Intern Wendy heard because when he talks everyone feels like a member of Charlie Brown's gang.

Our cable newscasters may not bring you anything you want to know, need to know, or care about at all, but they sure do make it easy to laugh on a Friday afternoon.

• "It rained earlier this morning when the president was here. The sun has now come out." —Anderson Cooper, Anderson Cooper 360, June 16

• "You know, you don't have to be a backup dancer to know that, you know, the whole freeloading concept worked very well in Beverly Hills, but when you're in a tent in the jungle, not so good, right?" —Brian Unger, revealing why Kevin Federline won't go to Namibia, Countdown, June 16

• "Haven't decided yet what's going to replace it, but hopefully it will be a more interesting, more compelling program that even more people will watch." —Dan Abrams, happily cancelling his own show, The Abrams Report, June 16

• "Ciao. Grazie. Grazie. That's what I feel like you should say when you're riding a Vespa." —Anderson Cooper, explaining scooter etiquette to Erica Hill, Anderson Cooper 360, June 21

• "So our No. 2 story in the Countdown, the new "American Idol" spin-off, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…premieres on NBC, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Simon Cowell, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, David Hasselhoff crying, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Maria Menounos, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!" —Keith Olbermann, summarizing "America's Got Talent," Countdown, June 21

• "Coming up on The Situation, there is nothing cuter than a baby who looks like a pimp, is there?" —Tucker Carlson, no doubt visualizing K-Fed as a baby, The Situation, June 21

• "First, you send me a picture of yourself wearing something, shall we say, really revealing, in a humiliating position. If you don`t hit your target weight, I show your picture on national television just like that. Then I`m going to e-mail the pictures to my list of over 100,000 subscribers on my e-mail. Then I put them on my web site. Then I publish them in my national magazine." —Glenn Beck, detailing his public humiliation diet plan, Glenn Beck, June 22

• "If I actually have a piano playing it really throws me off, because it's in tune." —Connie "it was a joke" Chung, Countdown, June 22

We knew we should've made better friends with Dan Abrams instead of Tucker Carlson but, alas, our interns can only do so much.

Abrams, TMZ is reporting, has snagged the top job at MSNBC, replacing the recently "resigned" Rick Kaplan. With his schedule now full of Rita Cosby voice lessons and Chris Matthews blood pressure monitoring, Abrams won't even have time to do his own show, The Abrams Report — though he'll retain the title of "chief legal correspondent," which means you'll still see him popping up at the Today show, Dateline, and Brian Williams' Nightly News.

So enough with the hair piece jokes; it's time to get down to the real business at hand: clocking MSNBC's ratings under the change.

(Image via FishbowlNY)