• Turns out the guy who heckled Barbra Streisand may have not only been conservative, but a stalker as well. What a nightmare. [Page Six]

• China has placed sanctions on Jay-Z. A diss track is surely soon to follow. [NYDN]

• David Bowie will voice a character on an upcoming episode of SpongeBob Squarepants. We’re shocked—really we never saw anything like this coming. [Metro UK]

• Expect the people of Malawi to come out with a reality show where they pawn their children away to rich celebrities any day now. [Y!]

The chatter over the sexual identity of Out's editor has continued. Well actually most of the chatter is actually from Aaron Hicklin himself, as he struggles to define what it means to be a gay magazine in a city filled with homosexual reading material.

While Hicklin won't be altering Out's sexual identity, he does plan to make it, like his own, a bit harder to pin down. "My buzzword has been, 'Let's be [David] Bowie gay rather than Cher gay,'" he said this week, at the end of his first month on the job.

So does this mean that they'll have male models in half drag next to leggy female models? And then will the gay male model marry the girl? Or, will Out just stick to it's "no gays on the cover" policy?

Well that is probably just what Hicklin prefers to read about. And in the end, that's who magazines are really for. The editors.

Out Editor's Straight Talk [Jeff Bercovici, WWD]

• Mariah Carey acts uncharacteristically docile at a fund-raiser. However, this doesn't stop her from dressing like a high-class courtesan. [Page Six]

• Oh Lord no. The memoir bug bites Courtney Love. Let's all hope she'll plagiarize the story, too — the truth may be too hard to handle. [MTV]

• James Blunt's music is so aggravating that it actually gets him banned from radio stations. Lucky Brits. [Yahoo]

• David Bowie stuns his devoted fans by making a surprise appearance in London. Even more stunning, he chooses to perform songs that he had absolutely nothing to do with. [NME]

• After the death of his friend, T.I. is re-evaluating his life. That's fine — we just hope he doesn't go and turn to God like Mase did. That just makes for bad music. [MTV]

• Axl Rose promises the "new" Guns N' Roses album will be out by the end of the year. And since nobody except that weird kid from 8th grade science cares about this band, all they hype becomes pretty pointless. [Billboard]

• David Bowie doing something? This harkens back to the good old days of Labyrinth when he helped children question their gender identity. [Billboard]

• Alex Kapranos, the lead singer of Franz Ferdinand's, is to have a book published. And here's the best part — it's a compilation of food columns that he wrote for The Guardian. We are so sold. [NME]

We don't know what the hell is going on, but there is almost nothing in this week's New York about Brooklyn. WTF? was our response exactly, which is why we passed off the job of scrolling through this somewhat disturbing issue of our city's semi-holy grail to Intern Zack. From Elvis terrorist theorists to a clan that makes the Mason family look like the Cosbys, we are sure Zack will be having nightmares of celibacy and David Bowie for weeks to come.

• Yep, Howell Raines' book is still about fishing. Hasn't the fishing as metaphor for life been written about already? [Fishing With Howell]

• The Hasidic Jews in Williamsburg are ready to go to war for their turf. And when they're done with that, they're taking out all the hipsters. God bless. [Hats On, Gloves Off]

• David Bowie admits to sneaking into movie after movie. We thought there was some kind of law that Bowie had to be cooler than the average person, not more lame than your little brother. [The Dad Who Fell to Earth]

• Leave it to New York magazine to present us with Scott Walker hallucinations of Elvis the 9/11 hijacker. [Elvis Dreams of 9/11]

• Check it out. The Opus Dei headquarters in midtown is where the party's really at. If your definition of "party" is a sex free sing-a-long. [Celibate and Lovin’ It]

• Introducing the most fucked up family in America — next to that family who beat their kid up on Primetime. Note that Robert Kissel is wearing an NYU shirt. Coincidence? [Kissels Of Death]

Table of Contents [New York]

• Making fun of ugly people will always be funny. Especially when Jay Leno does it. [MSNBC]

• Because nobody can afford fun in the East Village anymore, young people are risking their lives in Bushwick — just so they can smoke inside and see a band. [NYT]

• Vanity Fair is apparently an authority on fashion these days. Fran Lebowitz? Really? [Page Six]

• “I don’t want to be working for money because then you are no different [from] a prostitute." Natalie Portman on why paying rent is for whores. [The Scoop]

• Imagine that — David Bowie and Sting are opening a burlesque club together. Yeah, ok, we were pretty sure they already had one, too. [NYDN]