When word arrived from the television network FX that they were moving forward with Courteney Cox gossip vehicle Dirt, our hearts pitter-pattered as tidbits began to emerge, like Cox basing her cutthroat tabloid editor character on Bonnie Fuller, and how sex tapes would play an important part of the plotline. (Sextapes. Remember those?) Then the show actually appeared on our TV sets and, well, "disappointment" was the only way to describe the mess that we saw. But somehow, FX still had faith. Despite lackluster ratings (even Jennifer Aniston couldn't help) and the cold shoulder from critics, they ordered a second season of Dirt, but that nasty writers strike cut short Cox's gossip revival. And now, the ultimate bad news:

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We've been remiss on our Nip/Tuck watching, so recently we crammed four or five TiVo-d Dr. Troy splurges into a single viewing bonanza.

It just so happened that, while fast-forwarding through millions of dollars worth of commercials, we actually did catch a glimpse of a promo for the second season of Dirt, the Courteney Cox vehicle where she plays a tabloid editor a la Bonnie Fuller.

Given we stopped watching the show during the first season, right about when the crazy guy took the office hostage, we were only remotely interested in the show's March 2 return.

Though we did want to see how writers would treat real-life Fuller's veritable loss of power at her own company. Our guess: They would ignore it for a plotline only mildly more sexified.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, today F/X announced they are canceling any new production on ABC Studios' Dirt, as well as channel cousin The Riches from Fox TV Studios, beyond the seven episodes of each churned out before the writers strike dried up the script well. So does that spell demise for Cox and her schizophrenic paparazzo pal?

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Did you watch Dirt last night? Yeah, neither did we. But we did manage to see footage of the over-hyped, underwhelming "makeout sesh" between Cox and Aniston! Turns out it was less "Girls Gone Wild" and more "Boring Peck On The Lips." Though we did appreciate the super slow-mo camera action, the cheesy music and the obligatory reaction shot of Cox's leering colleague.

[via Popsugar]

Alright, we know this is coming a bit after the fact, but here's your slightly tardy (but still "en pointe") weekly Dirt recap. After all, better late than never, right?

This past episode did not feature the infamous Cox/Aniston makeout scene, although it did boast some sort of a murder mystery about a pregnant cheerleader. Most noteworthy, however, was the guest-appearance of Pee Wee Herman (who managed to restrain himself from, uh, going anywhere near his package) and the raunchy sex scene in the limo, when Lucy Spiller mounts Holt and finally discovers why vibrators are only a woman's second-best friend.

Also, the schizo guy keeps on fucking up and Julia's become a drugged out mess, which we'd care about if we had even slight feelings towards her character.

Read on for the extended recaps, and find out what made our reviewers tick (or ticked off) this week.

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Dirt continues to serve up fictional A-Listers' scandalous secrets on a silver platter…and we continue to (begrudgingly) follow along.

In this latest installment, Cox's Lucy Spiller character strengthens her hold on desperate B-Lister, Holt McClaren, and facilitates the downward spiral of McClaren's trusting (but cheating) girlfriend, Julia. Also, Bonnie Fuller's stand-in has now reverted to a single entendre as the hellish, no-holds-barred vixen, and invariably sports red clothing as an outward manifestation of her inner "evilness."

Indeed, both reviewers point towards the overly dramatized "Courteney Cox as the Devil" vibe, and seemed amused that the immoral one had enough journalistic integrity to protect her sources. (Also entertaining was how the "forbidden seduction scene" essentially evolved into Spiller taunting a vegetarian about his refusal to eat meat. Wuss!)

Meanwhile, there were a bunch of crazy twists and turns in the plot that had absolutely nothing to do with the impending Cox/Aniston makeout session, including updates on that crazy schizo guy, behind-the-scenes look at what publicists really do and unnecessary ass-shots.

Our Secret Tabloid Recappers weigh in after the jump.

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Now that we've learned Jennifer Aniston is on board at Dirt to play the rival to Courteney Cox's Lucy Spiller – and engage in a LESBIAN KISS with her! – it's becoming quite hard to find just one example to illustrate how the show manages to shark jump in each episode. We're at the point where it's happening multiple times per show. You know what other primetime drama exerts that feeling? Lost. And what a boring maze of exhausted plot apexes that series has become.

In this week's episode alone, we've got equal parts necrophilia, foot fetishist, little girl walking in on her father's suicide, and masturbation (well, two parts masturbation). In the end, we're left with the type of cocktail where you swore the bartender put lemon juice in there instead of vermouth.

That said, at least one of our anonymous Tabloiders is enjoying the sauce. And who are our Tabloiders once again? Well, they'd lose their jobs if we told you, but rest assured, these are top-level folks who know that no real-life tabloid editor would lack so much tact she'd hurl insults at her mother. In public.

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With Dirt's ratings in the, uh, dirt, executive producer and star Courteney Cox isn't above cheap ratings gimmicks of the lesbian kind. When it was announced last week that former Friend Jennifer Aniston would be stopping by the show's season finale to play a rival tabloid editor, we had no idea just how desperate the FX series really is.

Aniston's character is a lesbian. What's more, she won't just mouth off to Cox's tightly wound counterpart; she's going to share a lip lock with her.

It's just too bad no man in America wants to masturbate to Courteney Cox. Such a waste.

If you're like most Americans, you've already let Courtney Cox's Dirt fall off your radar. Sure, former Friend Jennifer Aniston might be popping in for the season finale, but why waste your time with plotlines, character development, and the episodic filler during the weeks leading up to the finale when you can catch what you need to know on YouTube, anyhow?

Nonetheless, we're moving forward with our mission to deliver high-brow critiques from those with insider gossip rag knowledge. Unfortunately we only have delivery from one of our tabloid twosome, but it's plenty. The full report from Tabloider No. 1, after the jump — with ruminations on libel lawyers, publicists who deliver press releases in person, and a subject close to home for Ms. Aniston.

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Sure, Courteney Cox's Dirt may have lost nearly a million viewers by its second episode, but that doesn't mean the show about a fictional tabloid magazine editor is completely off your radar, does it? There are still barely two million of you watching it, so at least twelve or two of you must care — especially when Rachel is coming!

And by that, we mean Jennifer Aniston, who agreed to help out her gal pal and come by the set to film a role for the show's March finale. Aniston will play Tina Harrod, editor at a rival magazine, whose masturbation scenes will be just as uncomfortable.

• This somewhat-belated parody of "Dick in the Box" is the catchiest song we've heard since 2006. And now IvyGate has finally unmasked the Box behind the Box.

• Unwaware that everyone's "had enough" of the Rosie/Barbara saga, Condi's precious Fox News reports that O'Donnell will likely not to be renewing her contract with The View.

• Check out these pics of David and Victoria Beckhams (possible) new L.A. crib! Friends are already describing the lux accommodations as "a Scientologist's wet dream."

•. Sienna Miller: the hardest non-working actress in Hollywood.

• Courtney Cox gets by with a little help from her Friends ; Jennifer Aniston agrees to guest-star on an upcoming episode of Dirt.**

• Separated at birth: Ellen DeGeneres…and Pepe Le Pew?

**assuming it doesn't get cancelled

We're already feeling overloaded with Courteney's Cox (and ginormous balls), but alas, we made a committment to ourselves that we would see this Dirt show through the end-ish — which means it's time for round two of Dishin' The Dirt, our on-going feature where we have two high-level tabloid insiders weigh in on the realities of Lucy Spiller's fictional world of celebrity sex tapes and editors-in-chief getting their own coffee.

In our first installment, our pair of gossip industry veterans pointed out some obvious missteps by Lucy Spiller & Co. Among them: an editor-in-chief would never get her own caffeine dose, for one — and second, she'd never be so technologically inclined that she can whip around on her Treo and PowerPoint at the same time.

This week, Dirt brings us a whole new round of tabloid misrepresentations, like a glossy gossip editor giving a shit about winning an ASME award, or letting a lowly assistant dive into the trenches of investigative reporting. Let's check in to see where Tabloiders One and Two stand.

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Anyone who names his newspaper-owned blog "The Bastard Machine" is an instant FOJ (that's Friend of Jossip, for you beginners), which makes the San Francisco Chronicle's Tim Goodman our new bestie. Also putting him at the top of the list for next Christmas' regifting extravaganza? The way he called Courteney Cox totally unhot — and then issued a retraction.

The story goes like this: Goodman reviews Cox's new FX series Dirt, calls it crap and goes on to say that making Cox's character Lucy Spiller into a sex symbol (on the show, she fucks and masturbates) isn't going to work because men don't want to think "Monica from Friends" in that way. Fast forward to Cox's appearance on The Jimmy Kimmel Show, where Cox looks hot in a shorty dress and Kimmel reads part of Goodman's interview aloud. Goodman watches the interview clip on YouTube, feels bad, issues apology on blog.

Though "Dirt" wasn't reviewed very favorably, Cox told Kimmel there were some reviews that made her feel good "and some that were sooooo brutal." Uh, that's when my snippet was read. Cox: "That's actually saying, 'You're not sexy.' How brutal is that?" She goes on to add, "I mean not one person in the whole world could imagine masturbating over me? I mean, not one?"

I was wrong, Courteney. And I apologize. But in my defense I'd like to note that what I wrote was actually meant to be, um, kind of sweet about you. I tried pointing this out to my wife, but she thought I blew it. (The next day I got a call from a friend at FX - he, too, thought I was insane.) Anyway, Mrs. Cranky Pants and I watched the clip, we agreed Cox was indeed hot, and as Cox explained her feelings of being slighted and possibly hurt to Kimmel, my wife got a very empathetic look on her lovely face, much as she does when a cute animal is hurt on a nature show. OK, it was too mean even if I didn't intend it to be that way.

We certainly agree with Goodman's revised conclusion: Cox is totally doable, as Courteney, as Lucy, and maybe-but-not-necessarily Monica. But quite honestly, we're more into watching Rick Fox engage in sexual acrobatics. His sex tape was easily the best part of the show. Then again, so were the rolling credits.

After the jump, find Cox's interview on Jimmy Kimmel. (Scan to the 8:50 mark for Goodman's interview quote.)

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Last week was, as always, another dizzying frenzy of gossip and media-related news. We gave you our up-to-the-minute take, but we're far more interested in your reactions. Please continue to send us your comments, and every Monday we'll recap the burning issues and a sampling of your "colorful" responses in "Hot Topics."

Issue: The View reportedly hiring Sherri Shepherd to fill Bridezilla's XXL Size-Zero shoes.
You said: "If she does get hired on, let's hope she won't get get gastric bypass, grow into an alien, and marry some gay dude in a tacktastic wedding."

Issue: Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Teese to divorce, ending their freakishly pale marriage after only 1 year.
You said: "Too bad…I was looking forward to their albino baby pictures."

Issue: The predictable cancellation of Geraldo Rivera's boring news show.
You said: "Screw Geraldo, it looks like he has poo on his lip."

Issue: Despite a recent decline in pornographic sales, "Granny's Gangbang" flies off the rack.
You said: "Dude, I heard Hauslaib's grandma is a GILF."

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Sure, Courteney Cox's Dirt may have already jumped the shark, but it's not everyday a television show comes around that's centered around the industry you obsess over – okay, perhaps it happens more often than you think) — so our only choice was to exploit the new FX series for all it's worth.

With Cox playing the fictional Bonnie Fuller, we thought in only appropriate to check in with a pair of tabloid insiders (and we mean really, really inside) to see how the TV version differs from the real life experience of badmouthing starlets and pointing out where their cellulite can be found. Naturally, because our tabloid twosome want to hang on to their industry gigs, theire identities shall remain in the shadows. But trust us — this pair has been around the block; they're not some low level floozies.

After the jump, you'll find reports on Dirt's premiere. And while there are some differences in viewpoints, it's interesting to note that both authors ended their copy pointing out one crucial plot flaw: Bonnie Fuller would never get her own coffee.

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• Spanish-language L.A. radio host El Cucuy turns self in following New Year's celebration that involved domestic violence charges.

• Oh look, sportscaster Jim Lampley joins that club, too.

• Ivanka Trump joins daddy Donald's bid to trample on Rosie O'Donnell for Apprentice ratings.

• Atoosa Rubenstein pleased with: the selection of Ann Shoket to replace her at Seventeen; not having to battle with Teen Vogue anymore.

• Giant's sale pricetag: $270k. Level of embarassment: seven figures, minimum.

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