• Julia Roberts preggers again, already combing baby books for new, pretentious name.

• Lindsay Lohan encouraged to hide alleged drinking, drug problems by running for public office.

• Donald Trump demands a bigger pole; Rosie O'Donnel says she's "not surprised."

• What's Posh Spice's secret to maintaining a rexy frame, weird nips? Why, Japanese food and fruit, of course!

• Billionaire Steve Bing bounces back from humiliation of not banging Pam Anderson by not banging Jennifer Aniston.

• Tony Blair is accused of accepting complimentary $100,000 vacay. Blair defends his decision, insisting they offered "all the good movie channels," and a mini-bar stocked with Cool Ranch Doritos.

• Someone tries to burn down the Gyllenhaal reunion; Jake declares it the "Worst Vacation Ever."

• Lindsay Lohan returns to stripper pole, apologizes for calling the Scores girls "whores."

• Pamela Anderson and Steve Bing? Never made it to a second date.

• Surprise! Some girl is claiming she slept with Keith Urban now that he's finally enjoying some happiness with Nicole Kidman and Johnnie Walker.

• Anne Hathaway scraps Gramercy Park birthday for gay bear bash.

• Rosie O'Donnell refuses to let the Donald Trump feud go, now likening him to a pimp and Tara Conner one of his working girls.

• Danny Bonaduce faces the wrath of YouTube.

It's no big secret that Donald Trump is using his war with Rosie O'Donnell – and his Miss USA scandal – as a massive publicity stunt to generate press for himself and, soon enough, his new season of the apprentice. While the former Queen of Nice shut her trap (mostly) yesterday, The Donald continued spewing to media outlets like: Larry King, FNC, the New York Post, and Good Day LA. And that's in addition to the spots he did already for The Insider and Entertainment Tonight.

But it was Rosie's co-host and Donald's long-time pal Barbara Walters who seemed most concerned about what people might think of her.

On Thursday, Walters released a statement saying: "Donald Trump is a personal friend of mine and has been a good friend to The View for many years. I'm sorry there is friction between Donald and Rosie."

She added: "That said, I do not regret for one moment my choice to hire Rosie O'Donnell as the moderator of The View. I certainly hope and expect that this tempest will pass quickly."

'Atta girl, Barbara. Always making things about you, aren't ya?

Donald Trump is stepping into one particular ring where he doesn't curry any favor: good looks. After giving Miss USA Tara Conner a pass and letting the 21-year-old's alleged drinking and drugging generate a heap of press for him, Rosie O'Donnell mouthed off on Trump, calling him a "snake oil salesman," among other things. Cue The Donald's promise to launch a litigious battle against The View host — and bury her with insults usually reserved for ex-pal Martha Stewart.

"This woman is totally out of control," he told the Daily News. "I'm worth billions of dollars, and I have to listen to this fat slob?" [...]

Trump called O'Donnell a "despicable . . . fat" failure who lied that he had gone bankrupt. [...]

"When I saw the tape, I said, 'You'd better be careful or I'll send one of my friends over to take your girlfriend!' " Trump told The News. "I imagine it would be pretty easy to take her girlfriend away, considering how Rosie looks."

Just so someone will put it on the record: We imagine it would be pretty easy to take away his wife Melania, considering how Donald looks.

"I don't think she's denying she's an alcoholic."

That's Donald Trump, speaking at yesterday afternoon's press conference about his decision to keep Miss USA Tara Conner wearing the crown.

At same press conference, Tara Conner also chimed in:

I wouldn't say that I'm an alcoholic.

You can tell TMZ.com was pissed having to report that Donald Trump is not ousting Tara Conner as Miss USA. Despite her hard partying ways and what we're going to allege was a series of group sex soirees back at Trump Tower (she, a girlfriend, plus a group of guys .. what else can we assume?), The Donald is giving America's nasty sweetheart one more chance, so long as does a quick stint in rehab.

In a move that shocked everyone, including Tara Conner, Donald Trump announced Tuesday morning that he will not fire the embattled Miss USA, despite allegations of drug use and sexual misconduct.

"She's agreed to go into rehab. She knows that if she makes even the slightest mistake from here on she wil be immedialtely replaced" said Trump.

All of this gives us the perfect opportunity to take a quick trip down memory lane and remember what fair Tara – not the smartest apple of Donald's eye – had to say when she was competing in the Miss Universe pageant.

When they asked what the most inspiring place she'd ever visited was, she could have lied and said Tibet or Jerusalem or the house where Anne Frank hid. Those would have all gone over big. Instead, she said the most inspiring place she'd ever visited was… wait for it… Lake Tahoe!

Well, at least she can add Marquee and Guest House to the list.

• The Donald loves disgraced Miss USA Tara Connor for one reason alone: the press.

• Denver Nugget Carmelo Anthony and six others suspended for multiple games after creating this brilliant display of sportsmanship.

• The YouTube guys sold their company to Google and all they got was this lousy article in Time.

• Judith Regan's camp promises an all out "war" on everything you hold sacred. Like News Corp.

• Copyright infringement is less fun when computers are doing all the work.

• Joy Behar, that silly liberal.

CONTINUED »

• Tina Fey brings the glory of Rockefeller Center to the small screen. Tune in — if only for the slight chance 75-time SNL host Alec Baldwin will do something funny. [Gothamist]

• Oh, to live on one of the top 50 blocks of New York. We don't think Prospect Avenue in Brooklyn even makes it into the top 800. [Curbed]

• Smoking is not glamorous. Unless of course you're a New York musician/rocker named Cat Power and then smoking is totally hot. [FBNY]

• We already told you about the aircraft/small plane/helicopter/bird/Super Man which crashed into a building but … well, that pretty much trumps all other news at this point, so we're telling you again. [NYT]

• What are these UPS people thinking? Can't they deliver their packages without getting in Donald Trump's way? Uh, hello, people. He's rich and powerful. Don't annoy him. [Page Six]

Always one to self-congratulate, Fox News tossed "fair," "balanced," and "and" to the wayside last night to throw itself a 10th anniversary bash. The red carpet was rolled out in front of headquarters at 1211 Sixth, and underneath a glammed-up tent Rupert Murdoch held court over minions Roger Ailes, Bill O'Reilly, Shep Smith, Bill Hemmer, Greta Van Susteren, Brit Hume, and Laurie Dhue. But there was more star wattage inside: Donald Trump, Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Governor George Pataki, Ann Coulter, Tiki Barber, and NYPD Commissioner Raymond Kelly all showed up to pay their respects. And so did we: Jossip loves a party that celebrates raping the competition into submission, so we grabbed photog Matthew Krautheim and hit the soiree. (Meanwhile, if there's a missing Fox News pillow, don't blame us.)

CONTINUED »

Ok, we know we gave Jeffrey Epstein a minor bullet point in our little gossip round-up. But that's because we are just now going through The Smoking Gun report on the Donald Trump role model and fellow scumbag, who not only recently arrested for soliciting sex from a masseuse, but who, according to "a former houseman," received three massages a day from girls who appeared to be, at the most, sixteen or seventeen years old. In case you haven't seen it, things get much worse.

He also reported that following Epstein massages he sometimes had to "wash off a massager/vibrator and a long rubber penis" which had been left in a sink. Alfredo Rodriguez, a former house manager, told probers that he "knew" Epstein's masseuses were still in high school. Rodriguez also told of having to "wipe down" vibrators and sex toys post-massage and returning them to an armoire near Epstein's bed.

It gets worse. About 22 pages of allegedly underage girls traipsing in and out of the house and engaging in various sexual acts with Epstein worse. The affidavid from a 14 year old girl, whose name is being withheld, names Haley Robinson and Sara Keller as two of the girls involved in this sick story. We can't get into all the details here — we have neither the stomach nor the time to sort through the novella sized account of Epstein's alleged escapades. What did jump out at us, however, more than the egg-shaped penis or the photos of naked underage girls all over his house, was the part which accounts Epstein's alleged rape of a sixteen year old girl. (Yes, all sex with a minor is rape, but this involves the girl screaming "No!" and Epstein paying her $1,000 after "forcibly holding her down on the table.")

CONTINUED »

Interesting fact: Miss USA Tara Conner didn't just make it into the Top 10 of the Miss Universe Pageant last night — she also made it into the Top 10 Things Gary Green Learned at Donald Trump's Miss Universe Pageant.

Sorry, but Miss USA was a total plate head. Granted, it's hard to look good when you're asked "What is your greatest flaw?" but when they asked what the most inspiring place she'd ever visited was, she could have lied and said Tibet or Jerusalem or the house where Anne Frank hid. Those would have all gone over big. Instead, she said the most inspiring place she'd ever visited was… wait for it… Lake Tahoe! I was never more ready to surrender my citizenship.

At the very least she could've said Telluride. Or, if she were a true American, Laguna Beach. No wonder she frickin' lost to Puerto Rico.

Ten Things I Learned at the Miss Universe Pageant [Gary Green]

• Oh, good. Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz are A-OK. [Us Weekly]

• Did you hear it was Charlie Gibson's last day? Did you care? We really didn't either. [ABC]

• We're sure a trip to the Playboy mansion was exactly what the female contestants on The Apprentice were hoping for. [Page Six]

• Jessica Simpson should be with a funny guy. If only so she can stop frowning. [Scoop]

• NBC has finally decided to release a bit of their grip on Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell's Lazy Sunday. We're sure the funny men are positively delighted … as are we. Because when Samberg smiles, we smile. [FBNY]

• Politicians kids always seem to be having the most fun. Well, actually the guys watching them make out with other girls probably have more fun, but, you know what we mean. [Wonkette]

• Donald Trump, it may be your birthday, but that doesn't mean you get a free cheat pass. [TMZ], Gawker]

• Great to see Lindsay Lohan trying to barf up her lunch just moments after eating it. Well, at least she's not falling out of moving trailors yet. [Mollygood]

• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are finally seen together! And they're doing an amazing job of convincing the media just how happy they are by looking miserable and crying to Matt Lauer. [Sun]

• Wait, bloggers are seen leave the house? For indy rock shows? Weird … we only leave the house in disguise for pedicures and diet coke. [FBNY]

Lloyd Grove is not impressed with Donald Trump, who was apparently having a field day with the curse words during a children's fund raiser.

In the delicate presence of Rudy Guiliani and Katie Couric the Donald seemed to have left his manners back home.

"Put your freaking, f—g hand down! You! Who keeps waving in the air!" ….

"I'm kidding," Trump belatedly added as the bidding stalled on a trip to Costa Rica.

But moments later when a Verdura bracelet came up, Trump was at it again — bidding on behalf of bachelor financier Teddy Forstmann. "Okay, $45,000 for Teddy. When you negotiate for someone else, who gives a s—?"

We're honestly pretty offeneded as well. Who the freaking fuck says "freaking, fucking?" Also worth noting in Grove's column: Katie Couric recognizes her own remarkable sincereity while we continue to search for the line that explains the headline quip of replacing "blew it" with "blue it."

Donald, as an auctioneer, you blue it ! [Lloyd Gove, Daily News]

Update: This is why we love the comments you people leave. As a reader points out, Trump may have been saying "put down your freaking fag hand" not "put down your freaking fucking hand." To which we respond: what the freaking fuck is a freaking fag hand?

• Star boasts its undying faith in Nick Lachey, while Jossip boasts our undying ability to make a punchline out of him as often as possible. [Star]

• Now that George Clooney has an Oscar, he doesn't need your lame accolades. [AP News]

• Is Page Six trying to kill us with this stuff? "Picture Donald Trump in a kilt." Uh, thanks, we'll pass. [Page Six]

• The better headline for this would read, "Instead of growing old gracefully, these women are doing it with botox and face lifts galore." That being said, Happy Birthday Cher. You look just as plasticy as your doll. [NYDN]

• Those stretch marks prove nothing, Katie "Kate" Holmes. Just show us the baby already. [Defamer]

(Click for larger version)

With no Brangelina photos to go on (and thank god, because even the combined forces of Joe Dolce, Janice Min, and Richard Spencer couldn't handle it), People is satisfied with its celebrity baby spread that includes Gwyneth Paltrow offspring Moses Martin and Donald Trump's newest baby mogul Barron. It's in this week's issue that hits tomorrow — right next to the cheerful item on Ashanti attending her cousin's funeral, we're sure.

Sugar Bits: People Wins Baby Week [Popsugar via CBB]

• Perhaps the lack of coke offerings was why Mike Tyson split the Meadows clinic after just five days of $4,000 per night rehab treatment. [P6]

• People beat out the other rags for rights to Donald and Melania Trump's first pictures of their new baby boy, Barron. Twenty dollars versus 10, we're assuming. [P6]

• Lloyd Grove reports Hachette Filipacchi head Jack Kliger is working to get int't creative director Gilles Bensimon booted — a story that's been floating around for months. [Lowdown]

• Maybe Lindsay Lohan will actually be able to follow through with this modeling job for Versace, unlike her brief encounter with Louis Vuitton. [FWD]

• Just when he was getting hot – landing Cargo covers! – Jeremy Piven is expected to get axed on Entourage. [P6]

• If he's got a decent accountant, April 15 could see Nelly writing off his golden teeth on his tax return. [Us Weekly]

When you get a bunch of wannabe models and Donald Trump together, well, the topic will inevitably turn to boobs. From the geniuses of Top Chef to the geniuses of America's Next Top Model, Intern Molly has rounded up all the pointless crap coming out of these people's mouths.

For a group of folks who are so percentage wise, they really do sound like a bunch of freakin' fools. The top five, along with today's most talk about sentance, after the jump.

10. "Love is such a distraction. It is a beautiful thing, but it will kill you." —Jade, America's Next Top Model

9. "I kinda wish you went in, because I was just sitting there waiting, and I didn't know anyone, and all the girls had like double D's."—Kelly to Sabrina, 8th & Ocean

8. "I am in the top three percentile of everything I do."—Stephen, Top Chef

7. "If this was America's Next Top Tramp [Brooke] would be a keeper."—Jay, America's Next Top Model

6. "Passions, isn't that that soap opera that has like Wolverine jumping out of the closet and Dracula and all that crazy shit?"—Sean, 8th & Ocean

CONTINUED »

Those America's Next Top Model kids are flippin' hilarious. When Intern Molly sat down with seven hours of TiVo this week, she had no idea what she had coming to her. The fact that The Apprentice contestants and Top Chef folks act dumber than the 8th&Ocean cast really really scares us, but we guess that just goes to show that this Reality TV thing really is kind of catchy.

Oh, yes, and of course we have more proof of Paula Abdul's "craziness" (otherwise known to our readers as "drunkenness"). So grab a coke glass, fill it with rum, and get ready for girl showers, cat fights, and the odd smells coming from Brent. But don't forget the sweetest bites … after the jump.

10. "Furonda looks like a squashed bug under a petri dish"—Nigel Barker
"A pastry dish?"—Miss J, ANTM

9. "What I love about this Taylor, is that someone should be shooting this and making an exercise video out of it."—Paula, AI

8. "My skin is just as good as your skin."—Sabrina
"We're not the same. Okay. Get it straight."—Kelly, 8th & Ocean

7. "I don't think Andrea's an expert in graphics design. The only thing I think Andrea's an expert in is being an asshole, and Andrea, you might be joining Tammy in a taxi cab, and I hope you both have a good time smelling each other's crap because you both stink!"—Brent, Apprentice

6. "If you can't stand the heat in the kitchen, it is probably best to remove yourself." (Sure that's how that phrase goes.) —Steven , Top Chef

CONTINUED »

• Barbara Streisand is gearing up for one last hurrah, again. For the love of god, Barbara, this time will you keep your promise? [Page Six]

• Once again, our tax dollars are hard at work where it really matters: cracking down on the selling of pirated CDs at flea markets. [WFTV]

• Donald Trump jumps on the Britney Spears-bashing bandwagon. We know, he's kind of a big deal, but there's enough room for everyone. [The Scoop]

• What's the best way to make fun of someone else's completely arbitrary music awards? Hello, just make your own completely arbitrary music award. [Stereogum]

• Surprise, surprise, someone in the entertainment industry hates George Bush. Everyone welcome Carlos Santana to the "Vote or Die" gang. [AP]