In some completely WTF? news, President Bush yesterday commuted the 14-year prison sentence of former Fugee associate John Forté. Forté has been in jail since 2000, when he was arrested at a New Jersey airport in possession of $1.4 million worth of liquid cocaine.
Hey listen, no one said George Bush couldn't relate to a little nose candy related whoops. Although pretty sure that liquid cocaine is an energy drink, not a drug.
A British Virgin Airline ride from LA to London had to make an emergency landing because Winona Ryder overdosed on Xanax. Of course, that's the British gossip's version of it. Our way subtler US Daily News just says that Ryder suffered from "a mysterious illness" and is better now after being admitted into a British hospital.
When was the last time you were forced to read a bad pun in the Page Six regarding oil billion-heir (see?) Brandon Davis, and the amount shiny grease in his hair? Get it, because he's got oil money, and his hair is oily. Oy vey.
You might not be so happy at first to see Davis' name in print: he's pretty much disappeared after calling Lindsay Lohan a fire-crotch, but then you realize that he's only being mentioned because of his recent string of bad luck and insane debt, and your Monday just started out a little better, right?
Two months ago the story was about how Davis stole another free-floating heir's credit card and maxed it out after his family cut him off. Since then he's become a "professional couch surfer," but his love of gambling and nose candy apparently don't make the best combo, and his most recent claim to fame involved getting himself kicked out of a famous underground (oxymoron?) West Hollywood casino.
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The body found in a car outside of Paula Abdul's house might have belonged to one of the singer's stalkers. The woman died of an apparent drug overdose, not knowing that you have to build up your tolerance of Xanax before ever reaching the American Idol judge's level.
Look Joaquin, I thought it was funny when you got so touchy with that Extra reporter when he asked you about quitting acting. Because ha ha who takes themselves that seriously that they actually say they are going to "concentrate on their music" and get all offended when someone laughs in their face?
And then when a commenter suggested that we replace the word "drugs" for "music," we'd have a clue, I practically LOL'ed. Because dude, the whole Vincent Gallo tweaked pederast look is not doing you any favors.
But now there's rumors that you might actually be slipping back into using again, and that is just super not a good idea. Because drug addiction runs in families and look at what happened to River.
Where is BFF Casey Affleck when you need him??
Amy Winehouse is back! The more tragic (and British) version of Britney Spears has had an exciting past few days, including a bad move with London police and a trip to rehab, kinda. People are calling it rehab, but she's expected to be released within the week, so that doesn't make much sense.
Apparently police had summoned Amy to answer questions related to assault claims (she hit a female fan). Because she didn't show up, the authorities are threatening arrest — but we all know that's not going to happen. Instead, she did this:
Terry Bourgeois is Lil Wayne's assistant and probably found himself between a rock and a hard place during his boss's gun-possession case in New York yesterday.
Real estate mogul, polo aficionado, and heir to the Hermès fashion house, Mathias Guerrand-Hermès, was arrested after assaulting the crew of an Air France plane while in transit from Paris to the United States.
You can read the whole complaint filed with the U.S. court here, but the gist is that Hermès started perching on a couple's armrest mid-flight, and then attacked the crew, culminating in a grabbing of the pilot's crotch. Hermès was shackled to his chair for the rest of the flight.
Hermès had apparently drank "quite a bit" of alcohol during takeoff, and took "a prescription aspirinlike drug," Propofan. Side effects of the drug don't include hallucinations or violent behavior, so he'll have to chalk that one up to the massive amounts of PCP he took before boarding.
Oil prices are down. Iceland is all but bankrupt. The U.S. Treasury turned our national debt into a puzzle children can play by using only 8-digit calculators. But here in real America — that's New York Fuckin' City to you — how is this whole mess playing out?
We already learned bottle service might be in trouble, but strippers are not. And now, real crisis: Citizens settling for shitty weed. CONTINUED »
Oooh, all this debate coverage and you forgot all about David Carr, that writer for the Times who wrote a memoir called Night of the Gun about his old crack habits. And everyone was like "that is so brave to go to all your old friends and ex-girlfriends whom you beat up and ask them to tell you what you did to them while in a blackout so you can profit off their misery!"
Welp, children learn from watching you dad, because the winner of Rolling Stone's 33rd annual College Journalism Competition is a young man writing a first-hand account about his addiction to, ugh, Adderall and Paxil.
This generation is just the worst:
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Holy spin Batman: Marquee's suspension of their liquor license and short hiatus from the scene earlier this year had nothing to do with that busted water pipe, like jowly nightclub owner Noah Tepperberg claimed. At least, not according to Tepperbeg's lawyer, who is completely unaware of his client's story.
"They may have had a water main leak," said council David Jaroslawicz, “that fact that some idiots tried to sell drugs—you know, do everything you can to prevent it, but you know, if some idiots want to sell drugs, they’re going to sell drugs.”
Oh, so it was a drug thing. Yawn. Close the doors forever. This is the same Tepperberg who boasted about fueling bottle service industry's fire with his incredibly long lines at Marquee? Yeah, so let the place lock up it's doors while we all make moonshine in our bathtubs. Less of a wait and way more fun than watching Eurotrash do bumps in the restrooms.
Farrah Fawcett is going to be pissed: Her ex-Love Story lover Ryan O'Neal was arrested this morning, along with their 23-year old son Redmond, with narcotics believed to be amphetamines. Redmond had been living with his father after a previous drug misdemeanor charger in 2006, the conditions of which allowed cops to enter the premises at any time and make a sweep for possible substances. Ryan's daughter and Redmond's half-sister, Tatum O'Neal, got busted earlier this year trying to buy drugs on a street corner in NYC.
You have to imagine family reunions for these people involve some sort of weird Brady Bunch/Jerry Springer shenanigans, with a sprinkle of meth-induced paranoia. Hopefully Celebrity Rehab is still casting for the second season, so we can watch the O'Neal patriarch go head-to-head with Gary Busey.
For the last few idiots left who look to Lynne Spears for parenting advice, consider this: The woman just leaked some of the "shocking" revelations from her new tell-all disguised as a celebrity parenting how-to in an effort to garner some publicity. The revelations include stories about Britney's sex life and drug and alcohol abuse, which would be surprising if the wise Road Kill Willie hadn't already spilled the beans.
Apparently Lynne claims that Britney began drinking alcohol at the age of 13, when she joined the Mickey Mouse Club. By 14, she had lost her virginity to an 18-year-old football player from her hometown, and by 15 she was taking drugs. Lynne details "the horror when Britney, just 16, was caught with cocaine and cannabis on a private jet."
Every time you think Kate Moss has gotten her act together — broke up with Pete Doherty, sort-of admits to an eating disorder in Interview, has the world's largest gold statue made in her honor — she has to go eff it all up again by jumping on the catwalk, of all things:
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It looks like Elizabeth Perkins on Weeds isn't the only older snow bunny hopping around: Established thespian Helen Mirren, who has the best geriatric rack this side of J.K. Rowling, admitted that she used to do more than dabble in the Colombian marching powder:
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Drug maker Pfizer is responsible for saving, let's say, millions of lives. Many of their drugs do really nice things for people, like help them go to the bathroom, keep complicated breast cancer survivors chugging along, and let old people and party boys get it on. But like any pill pusher, Pfizer cares more about its bottom line than patient health, which is why they're such an easy case study for Ways The Pharmaceutical Industry Misleads The Public. CONTINUED »
'Lawyers for disgraced real-estate whiz Adam Hochfelder argued yesterday that the coke addict and alcoholic must remain free because he's in dire need of outpatient rehab and sinus surgery. [His attorney told the court,] "He's completely blown out his nose."' [NYP]
Hunky actor Hunter Parrish has been hard at work rehearsing for his new gig in Broadway's Spring Awakening, the Duncan Sheik scored adaption of Frank Wedekind 1891 play.
Of course, the Weeds actor hasn't been too busy to embrace his local publications, like New York, with whom Parrish recently chatted about reclaiming his beloved stage, awkward sex scenes and the tribulations of being on a show about drugs:
Skating Through Life professional Mary-Kate Olsen scored hash mark on her Notches of Privilege bedpost, with DEA officials backing down off their request to question her about Heath Ledger's death. Recall that the feds wanted to quiz Olsen about the OxyContin that Ledger had in his system, but had no prescription for, but Olsen wanted immunity before she talked, indicating that she might, like, having something to hide. Rather than get Olsen — just finished with a promo tour for The Wackness — in an interrogation room, the feds are closing Ledger's case, thus not moving on a grand jury subpoena against Olsen. Of course, the NYPD also let Olsen off the hook immediately after Ledger's passing, when they decided not to interview her then, even though she was the first person notified about his unconscious body and had her own security detail head to the scene.
The only way to get Mary-Kate Olsen to go on record with authorities investigating Heath Ledger's Rx-fueled death is to grant her immunity. This is different from the immunity she always seeks from the fashion police — those guys know no limits. The immunity she's after is from the feds; DEA agents are trying to ask her about some of the drugs, like OxyContin, that were found in Ledger's system and blamed for his death. Per-snaps Ms. Olsen was the illegal provider, given her previous romantic linkage to Ledger and her rumored enjoyment of such substances? If Olsen did provide the late Batman star with the drugs, she might be found legally culpable for what transpired after Leger's taking them, which explains why she wants a promise not to be prosecuted before providing any As to the feds' Qs.
Update: Even without immunity, Olsen speaks! Um, through her attorney, who says she "had nothing whatsoever to do with the drugs found in Heath Ledger's home or his body, and she does not know where he obtained them."
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