Score one for major product placements. Emeril Green, the new program from former Food Network kingpin Emeril Lagasse, will be shot entirely inside a Whole Foods Market. Using only organic and sustainably-produced food, Lagasse's show, broadcast live, will also serve as a real-time advertisement for the upscale supermarket; Whole Foods employees will be the ones picking out the ingredients for his recipes, in what we hope involves running around with shopping carts and a stopwatch a la Supermarket Sweep.

Discovery Communications, which is suddenly the toast of investors, already handed over its Discovery Health channel to Oprah's OWN network. In June, Discovery will transform Discovery Home into the eco-lifestyle Planet Green channel; Emeril Green, produced by Emeril Live's After Five Productions, debuts there in July.

With Lagasse's deal in place, perhaps Fox Business' Happy Hour wrap show can leverage a little reimbursement from the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel's Bull & Bear bar.

• Kirstie Alley is going to launch her own weight-loss brand. Insert joke about fat women here.

• The new Dancing With The Stars "stars" leave some wattage to be desired.

• The Baltimore Sun will launch a youth aimed tabloid. Because that's just that city needs: More trash.

• "Who stuffs Armani better?," a Queerty poll.

• The audacity of hope sneezes: Barack Obama has a cold.

• Martha Stewart takes over Emeril Lagasse. The people in PR will have to figure out how to incorporate "Bam!" with "a good thing" without getting vulgar.

One is never proud of watching the Food Network.

But turn on the channel at 11 am or 3 am, someone who isn’t too attractive or too personable is on, boiling water and squishing tomatoes. Watching the Food Network is like placing your brain in neutral, which isn’t so bad every once in a while.

But that strategy isn’t working anymore. The network is losing what little audience it has; some stars, like Emeril Lagasse and Mario Batali, are peacing, and Rachael Ray is limiting her work on the network so she can become the lazy woman’s Martha Stewart.

CONTINUED »

Cindy Adams has some fightin' words for Anderson Cooper today. Not that we could find a hint of her name, (or Emeril Lagasse's name) in any CNN web articles from the last few months, but apparently in the fifteen minutes we stopped watching Coopster in New Orleans yesterday, he attacked Crazy Cindy.

Y'know, or she had an imaginary conversation with her television.

SPEAKING of chefs brings me to Anderson Cooper's Sunday CNN re port, which suggested I may have told an untruth. Hello??? I do not tell untruths. Could I ever bollix a fact or a story? Hey, I'm human. But lie consciously in this column? Any writers/editors/fact- checkers/reporters who suggest that on-air better watch their mouths.

Yeah, watch your mouth. Hello??? Cindy will totally come and whoop your ass with her cane or whatever. Plus, like, crazy-ass rambling doesn't mean whatever she's saying is, like, an untruth, ok? God.

CONGRESS MEMBERS ABOUT TO BE INDICTED [Cindy Adams, NYP]

Earlier: Cindy Adams' Jewish jokes of the day
Cindy Adams not 100 percent today