Remember when Bonnie Fuller thought it'd be a good idea to have her staff peaking out from the pages of Star to deliver unwitty commentary with bizarre facial expressions?

We've got something that's at least 38 percent as bad.

CONTINUED »

• A sneak peak at the upcoming Spy book reminds us that all the clever FOB pieces of Radar and New York have been done before. [Very Short List]

• Rubenstein PR resorts to the dirty tricks of newspaper journos. [Daily Intelligence]

• DeBeers and the diamond industry are doing all the promotion for Leo DiCaprio's upcoming flick Blood Diamond. A scandal is forever. [The Envelope]

• Esquire doubles its fiction offerings. Though that's literary fiction, not "The best sex comes after 50!" fiction. [NYP]

• Jon Friedman almost feels guilty for loving New Yorker editor David Remnick so much — interesting because of all the people Friedman fawns over, Remnick is perhaps the only one we're willing to give him a pass on. [Marketwatch]

• Leave it to Time Warner to take the "Court" out of CourtTV. Whatever it takes to attract those young viewers defecting to MySpace. And XTube. [WSJ]

• CBS shall not utter Devil speak. And by Devil speak we mean the word "gay." [Good As You]

• Our bizarre Edward Norton crush just got much more intense. [Tip or Tat]

• Nicky Hilton is going for the Long Island/New Jersey look she's been seeing in all the papers lately. [Mollygood]

• Tony Danza's wife is not longer singing our favorite tune. Yes, that would be the 90's hit "Hold Me Closer Tony Danza." [People]

• Esquire thinks Scarlett Johansson is the hottest thing around. Lindsay Lohan plans to jump on all issues of Esquire she can get her hands on. [WWD]

•Oh, and remember La Lo's missing Hermes bag? Of course you do. Well, Lindsay thanked the guy who found it by letting him plug his vodka in exchange for gossip. [Page Six]

• Radar doesn't disclose all relevant background information when reporting? We're gasping. Seriously. [ETP, FBNY]

• If the pages had been female, do you think this would have been reported? Well, at least it gave Queerty something to talk about. [ABC]

• Even if David Hasselhoff's daughter was sent to the hospital with a cat scratch, it's still not funny. [TMZ]

• Here is one thing we can not blame the media for. [OC Register]

• The only thing missing from your bedroom full of Brooks Brothers suits? An Esquire coffee table book. [Ad Age]

• Ryan Adams wrote this song especially for you. Try to keep the chunks down. [Gawker]

• Well, 11 Spring Street is finally off the market. [Curbed]

This just in (we're posting now and asking questions later):

We hear Maxim is continuing to bleed staffers — though this time they're cutting themselves. After last month's axing of four editors (and hiring a butt-load of Stuff editors to replace them), two editors have signed off of Maxim duty.

Eric Gillin, a senior editor at the mag, along with managing editor Laura Silverman, have handed in their resignation from all-mixed-up Maxim. An insider tells Jossip that Gillin, formally of Blacktable, has been lured to "head up Esquire.com," (uh, we think that's probably also a breaking bit of news) while Laura had been in India launching the very controversial Maxim India, and won't return to the pub in New York.

Honestly, we are already tired of resting on the "nobody can work with Chris Wilson" joke (even though it's probably true) so we're just going to turn our attention to Jimmy Jellinek, and the soon-to-be empty frat house he's running over at Dennis.

As they are wont to do, Conde Nast yesterday sent us this unsolicited invitation (above) to stop by Bloomingdale's for an "exclusive" Details shopping event that's going on this evening – with plenty of wine and cheese, we imagined – for something called "The Italian Suit," otherwise known as "an excuse to throw the word 'sale' around during Fashion Week." So eager were we to get to Bloomingdale's (if only to shop for our father's 60th birthday gift), we ran over there yesterday evening.

And, wouldn't you know it, there was an event already in progress. An event called "The Italian Suit." With plenty of wine and cheese. Except this one was sponsored not by Details, but by Hearst's Esquire magazine. Which means two things: 1)
Magazine event coordinators are neither savvy nor original; and 2) To do like Details must mean Esquire is gayer than we suspected.

(And should you consider going, keep this in mind: When the invite says "Invitation only. Space is limited," they actually mean "No need to RSVP — we've got enough cheese to serve even the couple in town from Little Rock who are killing time before Mamma Mia.

Coming this fall to a polybagged issue near you: V-Style, the single issue guide for "progressive African American men" that plans to focus on everything from fashion and gadgets to liquor, and cars. (Let's hope they avoid combining them.)

V-Style will be polybagged and sent to 200,000 of Vibe's over-21 male subscribers with the October issue. (We think this is what the now defunct America magazine was aiming for to a degree, but thankfully V-Style won't be produced by Damon Dash, meaning the entire magazine won't be covered in Rocawear ads.)

Despite its attempts to praise the fashion of hip-hop moguls and black celebs, apparently Esquire just isn't tapping into an entire market, leaving room for a stand-alone issue of an urban fashion mag.

“V-Style is where they can come to learn about fashion and accessories—what’s the right cigar, the right wine, the right books to have in your library, not just the ones to say you’ve read, but the ones you should have read to transition from a boy to a man,” said Len Burnett, Vibe’s group publisher.

Added Jeff Mazzacano, Vibe’s corporate accounts director, who spearheaded the project, “While V-Style men love sneakers and rims, they don’t need to be inundated with it in every book they pick up.”

Uh-huh, we get it. It's sort of like how staffers at Billboard might love vibrators, but they don't really need the boss to keep two dozen laying around the office and showing everyone how they work.

Vibe Spins Off V-Style in Fall [Stephanie D. Smith, Mediaweek]

Is Esquire avoiding asking Brad Pitt the tough questions? According to Women's Wear Daily Pitt's publicist Cindy Guagenti, has been insisting "celebrity wranglers" (we guess that means press?) not bring up certain aspects of his personal life during interviews.

Cheating on Jennifer Aniston, those amazing lips of Angelina Jolie, and the naked photos that floated around of him a few years ago are (likely) the topics Esquire had to promise to avoid their October cover boy.

That raises the question of whether Esquire, which has booked the star for its October cover, agreed to any such restrictions. An Esquire spokesman declined to address the question directly, joking, "The only detail I can confirm is that he is not our mysterious "Sexiest Woman Alive.'" (He did confirm that it would be Pitt's first appearance on Esquire's cover.)

See, Brad, that's not really how it works. First you agree to do another Vanity Fair article telling the magazine that Jennifer couldn't give you babies so you cheated on her with a woman who would birth heartbreaking little girls. Then you get on the cover of that mag, and then people go see your movie.

Spoonfeeding fluff to Esquire isn't really gonna cut it. (Unless of course you sneak a pic of Shiloh in there to really get People's panties in a bundle. That might get us out of the apartment to catch the flick.)

Don't Ask, Don't Tell [Jeff Bercovici, WWD]

We like to think that we know a lot about this business of magazines. We devote our lives to collecting the bits of who's who, who's where, and who's sleeping with who's boss gossip. Yet once in a while a piece of magazine information, of which we previously had no knowledge, crosses our path.

For instance, we knew Hearst had a new 46 story building in Manhattan, a ton of magazine's under their belts, and a few scattered newspapers. We did not know, however, that Hearst published a magazine on floor coverings. Or that they sold beef.

It even publishes Floor Covering Weekly and sells ketchup and grass-fed beef under the Hearst brand from ranches it owns in California.

We find this especially intriguing considering no good Esquire or Cosmo girl would dare scarf down a beef patty with all the fixin's. Especially not in L.A.

Hearst's New Home: Xanadu in Manhattan [Richard Siklos, New York Times]

Consumer magazines are continuing the attempt to enter the "digital space" and Hearst will not be left behind.

Since Hearst developed their online content, their mags have been on those crappy iVillage sites. The future looks a bit brighter, though, since NBC bought out iVillage — now mags like Cosmopolitan and O, The Oprah Magazine can attmempt to hit the Internet pavement with a little more speed.

“More than 76 million people read our magazines each month and, with the proliferation of digital media, we want our brands and unique editorial perspectives to be available to our consumers wherever and whenever they desire,” said Cathleen P. Black, president, Hearst Magazines.

So far, the only magazines that have been able to hack it online (in our humble opinions) have been New York and Jane. And maybe Forbes. Though we think if the folks at Esquire hired a web editor, their mag's site would have the potential to stop www.suckingsomuch.

HEARST MAGAZINES CREATES DIGITAL MEDIA UNIT [Nat Ives, Ad Age]

If GQ can put Jennifer Aniston on the cover of its "Man of the Year" issue, you better be damn sure Esquire will permit itself to run an interview with Arianna Huffington any damn issue it wants. She's quite the handsome lass, as it is.

And while normally we turn to Men's Health's FOB for the portal into a woman's mind (so what if Jossip's editors don't care for snatch — have you seen "Girl Next Door" Nicole Beland?), Arianna briefed us with more personal details than we even glean from Huffington Post.

The qualities I look for in a man are the qualities I look for in a blogger: passion, relentlessness, risk taking, and a light touch.

A light touch to push her buttons. Hot.

What I've Learned: Arianna Huffington [Stephen Elliot, Esquire via KeepMedia]

You think Penthouse magazine would've come up with the idea of branding real estate first. C'mon: The Penthouse penthouse? There's just a certain charm to it. But no, Esquire seems to claim first-mover status, brandishing a flat at the Gwathmey-Siegel building in Astor Place, where available apartments are easier to come by than girl-on-girl kissing on America's Next Top Model.

The magazine secured a six-month, rent-free arrangement with the owner that's mutually beneficial for all parties. Esquire gets a place to throw lavish parties and show off its celebrity designed decor while Gwathmey-Siegel gets wealthy foot traffic through its very, very for-sale units.

This isn't Esquire's first stab at slapping its name on real estate. No, no, they've done this before: in Los Angeles and another in New York. And what happened to that Los Angeles unit? Paris Latsis bought it for Paris Hilton — and if you've seen how Paris likes to decorate, you'll understand why Penthouse is much more suited for this type of thing.

Esquire Gets a Temporary Bachelor Pad [NYT]
Related: Peeping Paris: A look inside Hilton's L.A. home

• Just when Cablevision chief James Doland tries humping Michael Bloomberg's leg, the cable company posts a near $63 million quarter loss. [Mediaweek & Page Six]

• Fox News' excuse for VP Joe Chillemi's wailing on about pregnant women's tits? It might be bad language, but it's not sexual harassment. [B&C]

• Five years ago, Bill Clinton made the cover of Esquire for his Oval Office tactics. This month, he's on the cover again — but for its Best & Brightest issue. [MIN]

• Two months after locking Maureen Dowd and Paul Krugman behind a fee wall, the New York Times reports about 135,000 users have subscribed to its TimesSelect service. Stupid liberals and their overflowing bank accounts. [E&P]

• Rita Cosby is turning to true patriots to boost her ratings: the hookers at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada, who will give returning GIs what the really want for the holidays. [R&M]

• Five days after the auction to have lunch with Rupert Murdoch bega, there are exactly two bids for the media meal. And the second bid? Just $100 more than the first. [Guardian]

• It's now impossible to separate Maureen Dowd the columnist from Maureen Dowd's book, just like it's impossible to separate Maureen Dowd the redhead to Maureen Dowd the passive-aggressive camera subject. [NYO]

• After testifying again in front of a grand jury, Judith Miller has been released of contempt of court charges — thanks to those notes she just happened upon. [IHT]

• Despite what the upcoming third issue of Radar has to say about Jeff Zucker's tenure at NBC, Katie Couric is countering claims that her relationship with her boss as "soured." They're still very close, piratically touching, just like her knees. [Lowdown]

• Is it possible that the New York Times newsroom is even "more demoralized now than during the 2003 debacle over Jayson Blair's serial fabrications" thanks to the handling of Judith Miller's case? In a word: abso-fucking-lutely. [WaPo]

• Aileen Mehle has ended her five decade gossip reign, closing the doors on a career that included the New York Post, Daily Mirror, WWD and W. In this era of snark, nothing is sacred anymore. [Page Six]

• Rupert Murdoch's wife Wendi Ding might just become the most powerful personality at News Corp., which is easier to say now that Lachlan Murdoch pussied out. [Malaysian Star]

• Google and Comcast are looking to bloat their own empires with the purchase of a minority stake in AOL. Just in time too, since Time Warner is suddenly realizing how valuable its Internet property just might be. [Reuters]

• Since you can't find music videos on MTV anymore, perhaps now you'll be able to find them on your iPod. Oh, and Lost and Desperate Housewives too. [AP]

• As if Esquire food critic John Mariani didn't come off yesterday as being too demanding, now he's demanding an apology from Chicago chef Homaru Cantu, who trashed Mariani for (what else?) trashing him. [Page Six]

Foodies are a notoriously demanding group, what with their kalamata olives and Turkish bay leaves. But foodie scribes are an entirely elevated level of snob, Frank Bruni excluded, of course.

Take, for example, Esquire food columnist John Mariani, whose listicles and review don't exactly go unnoticed. Which is why most chefs might jump at the chance to cater to him when he decides to visit their eatery, but not a select few boldface names in Chicago.

Take Homaro Cantu of moto.

Cantu was a bit less restrained, saying that Mariani sent his PR people a four-page list of requests before dining at moto last year, asking the restaurant to pay for everything from cab fare to his hotel bill — requests the restaurant did not honor and Mariani denies he asked for.

And you thought editorial plugs were paid for, didn't you?

Esquire critic says Butter melts in mouth [Chicago Sun-Times]
Related: We shudder to agree with the majority of magazine readers

After teasing (annoying?) readers with cropped snaps of its "Sexiest Woman Alive," Esquire magazine finally reveals all with next month's issue that hits newsstands next week.

So who is it? The unremarkable Jessica Biel, who's 7th Heaven start yielded such proud moments as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Blade: Trinity.

But is Jessica really the sexiest woman alive, or just a way for Esquire to sell magazines? (Don't answer that, stupid.)

"She's been an underground icon to the generation of men who are coming of age now," says Esquire editor in chief David Granger. "She's been this unexpected but iconic figure for a long time. She's talented and about to burst onto the scene. She's fantastic."

So, just to clarify, Ms. Biel is the sexiest "underground icon to the generation of men who are coming of age now," not sexiest woman alive. Angelina Jolie might still hold that title.

Okay, we're going to throw up. Sure, there is plenty of media criticism by media folks, but what do you call media on media on media, tied together with one big indestructible meta bungee cord?

Disgusting, that's what you call it. Which is why we've got the trash basket right next to our desk in case we boot while reading about Esquire's A.J. Jacobs using Wikipedia to write about Wikipedia — the same way we let our interns write about interning, but then refuse to publish it.

Jacobs decided to craft an article about Wikipedia, complete with a series of intentional mistakes and typos, and post it on the site. The hope was that the community itself would be able to fix the errors and create a clean version that would be ready for publication in Esquire's December issue. The original version was preserved for posterity.

"The idea I had–which Jimmy (Wales, Wikipedia's founder) loved–is that I'd write a rough draft of the article and then Jimmy would put it on a site for the Wikipedia community to rewrite and edit," Jacobs wrote on the page introducing the experiment. Esquire "would print the 'before' and 'after' versions of the articles. So here's your chance to make this article a real one. All improvements welcome."

And while Jacobs will try to spin his idea as "clever," us cynics are going with the "dumped the work on the unpaid Wikipedia slaves."

• Rupert Murdoch has finally filled son Lachlan's void since his departure last month, signing Paul Carlucci to be publisher of the New York Post, which means Rupert himself can finally ditch the title.

• With 18.5 million viewers, Sunday night's Emmys scored the biggest audience in three years — and Eva Longoria didn't even wear a swimsuit on stage.

• CNBC chair Pamela Thomas-Graham is skirting her "promotion" to become a senior exec at Liz Claiborne, returning her to at least the make up portion of television's day-to-day.

• This weekend's New Yorker festival will be accompanied by a DVD featuring all 80 years of the magazine, which might just prove wrong our theory that there can never be enough David Remnick.

• Esquire will start wasting one of its pages on women's mags, scanning the other half's titles for stories that men might want to take a peak at. Though the new feature won't run every month, nor will it always be about women's mags — thought it will connect with other Hearst titles.

• Geez, are people really still talking about the all-Target New Yorker issue?