• We're not saying Keira Knightley has an eating disorder. We're only kindly requesting that you consider donating some of your spare change to the "Please, For The Love Of God, Buy This Woman A Big Mac" fund.

• Who tops the list of "Celebrity Lesbian Crushes?" (Hint: It's not Penelope Cruz).

• More signs that Britney Spears is no longer the irresistible sex symbol that she once was: creepy magic-man Criss Angel has pretty much done everything short of signing an affidavit and taking a lie detector test to dispel rumors that the two are romantically involved.

• Audrina and Lauren Conrard show off their beach bodies, but it's just not the same without Heidi's new funbags.

• Christian Bale has lady-hands! Either way, he's still infinitely cooler than Christian "Grabby Hands" Slater.

CONTINUED »

• It's not all "Fun With Audio." Rumor has it Alec Baldwin fired his CAA agent over this Dora the Explorer video.

• Angelina's bulging forehead vein: minor imperfection or intellectual battle scar?

• A warrant is out for Richard Gere's arrest one wek after his scandalous Bollywood kiss. If convicted, Gere could serve up to two years in jail. Seriously.

• Crazy woman attempts to run over Sandra Bullock's hubby; AstroNut said to be "working on" an alibi.

• Sean Penn tries to keep his name out of the papers…by showing up at rapper/actress Eve's jail cell with $30,000.

• Hugh Grant left a British paparazzo "bruised, battered and covered in baked beans."

• Could it be? Is Britney Spears really tipping off the paparazzi before she heads out for her daily errands? But wouldn't that make her an opportunistic hussy promoting a comeback album, rather than a postpartum sufferer and devoted mother to two children we never see?

• And if rapper Eve described her leaked sex tape as "embarrassing," she must be utterly humiliated by this whole "driving drunk and crashing her gold Maserati" incident.

• Joe Francis may have racked up more time in the slammer by (allegedly!) fondling the boobies of an uninterested 18 year old girl.

CONTINUED »

• Usher does his best to erase the memory of Joey Fatone on Broadway. [Hello!]

• Scott Storch goes from being prominent hip-hop producer to having a feud with Christina Aguilera. That must do wonders for his street cred. [Gatecrasher]

• Gasp! Kelly Clarkson dances on a bar. Page Six does not approve. (Mainly because she didn't show any tit.) [Page Six]

• Justin Timberlake spews hate on the less-attractive and less-successful Taylor Hicks. JT probably just has a crush. [MSNBC]

• Just in case you've forgotten: Cher is the scariest 60 year old ever. [TMZ]

• Eve is creating some space between herself and her sonnuva African dictator boyfriend. [R&M]