As a general rule, police officers get off on exercising their power over street punks like you. Well, next time Mr. Cop tells you to move it, remind him that he has to shave tomorrow.

Newsday reports that NYPD may have the power to run red lights, but not to grow beards:

A Jan. 8 memo clarifies a regulation that says officers are not allowed goatees, chinstrap beards (think Abraham Lincoln) or other "designer beards," like Mike Piazza's goatees and creative facial hair when he played for the Mets. … Officers who violate the rule may be written up as committing an infraction or may lose a vacation day.

New York protective agencies are generally pretty anti-body hair. Look at the NYFD calendar. We know those guys are old enough to grow chest hair.

As lame as the gay guy version of Girls Gone Wild is, there was memorable face in the lackluster Guys Gone Wild series. His name is Michael Biserta and, at the time he appeared on film (claim to fame: he made his penis into a wristwatch), he was just another Staten Islander on spring break hoping to get laid.

Then he grew up (err, aged a year or two), started his career as a firefighter with Ladder 131 in Red Hook, Brooklyn, and turned his adonis bod into the cover of the FDNY's 2008 calendar. Naturally, a whole slew of stay-at-home mothers started Googling him to find his MySpace profile and more photos of the chiseled youth. What they found, instead, were links to gay blogs fawning over him — and linking to an Xtube clip (available here, and definitely NSFW, and not safe for home if you're married, either) showcasing his GGW debut.

As you might've guessed, Fire Department Commissioner Nicholas Scoppetta wasn't happy about it, and now he's banned his blaze battling troops from ever appearing in the calendar again — making next year a lonely one for those stay-at-home moms. Unless, of course, they've discovered Xtube.

• While NYC water may have fluoride to keep Manhattanites teeth pearly white, it may also contain car wash run-off. In related news, Amy Winehouse is suddenly blaming her myriad of teeth problems on her recent visit to the Big Apple.

• Metro North to build new station at Yankee Stadium in hopes that Westchester "Soccer Dads" will leave their mini-vans at home.

• The ACLU nearly creamed their pants when a man was ordered to take down a protest flag. Fortunately, the park service then remembered hippies have the right to protest in open fields, and turned their attention back to that that damned picnic-basket stealing bear.

• Chinatown bus crashes into an embankment and flips over. And you thought the worst case scenario involved sitting next to a "smelly guy" and his tuna fish sandwich.

• A new lawsuit claims FDNY's recruitment exam discriminates against blacks, Hispanics while somehow tailoring itself toward the "drunk, middle aged Irishmen" demographic.

The FDNY plunked down $8 million (not the $80 million the NYDN claims, at least as of this writing) for a new subway simulator on Randall's Island to bolster its preparedness for for train emergencies.

They're using the simulator to train for possible terror attacks, or merely prepare for a yellow-to-orange alert change. The FDNY is also playing nice and will let the NYPD train on their campus.

Before now, the only way to practice was to close down actual sections of the subway system.

Because we're sure their new toy will really cut down on subway station closings. And also, computer-operated trains will make trains run more efficiently!