• Celebrities who look like their pets…on the next Montel Williams!

• A no longer "Toxic" Britney Spears pretends to snort cocaine while lip-syncing "I need a hit / baby give me it."

• Paris Hilton may actually be looking at jail-time. Fortunately, she's already dressing the part.

• And rumor has it that clear liquid in Lindsay Lohan's might actually not be water.

• Justin Timberlake wants to give Dolly Parton a run for her money.

• Natasha Henstridge reminds us that cleavage, like fine wine, gets finereven more ginormous with age.

• See "The Hoff" like you've never seen him before…totally drunk! Oh, wait…

• DListed, to Keira Knightley: "Seriously, who reads to each other under a tree in a park? Homegirl has been in one too many Jane Austen movies."

• We see London, we see France. We hate seeing Fergie's underpants.

• Leo DiCaprio knocks up his hot model girlfriend.

• Jesse Metcalfe is apparently single again. And by single we mean "pretending to date a buxom brunette."

• Kevin Federline is accidentally invited to the Venetian Tao's "What Is Sexy" party in Las Vegas.