When was the last time you were forced to read a bad pun in the Page Six regarding oil billion-heir (see?) Brandon Davis, and the amount shiny grease in his hair? Get it, because he's got oil money, and his hair is oily. Oy vey.

You might not be so happy at first to see Davis' name in print: he's pretty much disappeared after calling Lindsay Lohan a fire-crotch, but then you realize that he's only being mentioned because of his recent string of bad luck and insane debt, and your Monday just started out a little better, right?

Two months ago the story was about how Davis stole another free-floating heir's credit card and maxed it out after his family cut him off. Since then he's become a "professional couch surfer," but his love of gambling and nose candy apparently don't make the best combo, and his most recent claim to fame involved getting himself kicked out of a famous underground (oxymoron?) West Hollywood casino.

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Paddy Power, Ireland's largest bookie service, said today that it's going to pay out early more than one million euros on bets that Barack Obama will be the next president of the United States. Said a spokesman for Power: "We declare this race well and truly over and congratulate all those who backed Obama."

Now to get our drunken, gambling degenerates to face the facts instead of just calling Obama a "nigra" and passing out in some rotten parking lot.

Trump Entertainment Resorts has sold, for three hundred sixteen million dollars, the Trump Marina Hotel Casino in Atlantic City. Its buyer, Coastal Marina, is renaming it Margaritaville. [AP]

CRAPS! Search giants Microsoft, Yahoo, and Google are ponying up $31.5 million to settle charges they promoted gambling by accepting ads from illegal online gaming companies. As for promoting risky subprime home loans? In the clear! [Bloomberg]

Just days after the New York Times Magazine gives more than a smattering of ink to a looming college campus problem – young men and women sinking into the red with skyrocketing gambling debts, courtesy online poker – HBO debuts its branded offerings with Cigular. In there among the Sex and the City wallpapers? Sopranos Poker. $6.99 puts you at the mobile table. Let's just be glad The Sopranos isn't marketed to young adults, right?

The Sopranos Poker [Cingular]
The Hold-'Em Holdup [NYT]