• A letter to the editor of the New Yorker is a little self-serious, even for the New Yorker. Turns out that nice image above is scientifically impossible. Also, that cat would totally get trampled.
• Lesbian hands look like straight women's hands, only a little more wrinkly.
• Even with all the real-life spoilers, the extended season of The Hills looks really good.
• Shocker: The Gene Simmons sex tape is gross. That said, his lady friend is quite flexible.
• No American should idolize Paula Abdul after her new video. See what we did?
• Pink keeps up the pretense that divorce isn't heart-wrenching. You know, she's doing it for the kids. What a role model.
• Keith Richards should be exempt from any kind of health ban there is. The man is practically half dead anyway- let him have his fun. [CNN]
• It's true, unfortunately. Ashlee Simpson will lip sync her way to the Broadway stage. We'll safely assume Joanna Coles gave her comp tickets to her assistant. [Star]
• Beyonce treating Jay-Z like a fashion accessory means only one thing: she’s ready for the big leagues. [NYM]
• Elton John thinks we’ve forgotten how weird he actually is. Well, this will serve as a reminder. [CNN]
• Gene Simmons wants to show the world what a good Jew he is. [AOL]
• This is the story of a boy with a dream. A dream, and a alcohol induced band name. [NYM]
• This is how we're supposed to spread American culture around the world? With Gene Simmons? That's it. We're done for. [Cindy Adams]
• Some lady who wrote a book about Clay Aiken is suing the "celebrity" for saying that she lied about him. Yeah, we're not really following either. [AP]
• Oh, and uh, speaking of Kiss … didn't all their fans died in a fire of irrelevancy or something? [AOL]
• This isn't so much a news piece, as much as it is undeniable proof that we're horrible people. And that Barry Manilow is really, really old. [AP]
• The Fall Out Boy boys and The Killers really need to stop listening to 50 Cent. It's only going to end in violence. [NME]
• The thought of Gene Simmons in bed with anyone makes us throw up in our mouths a little bit. Ok, a lot. [NYDN]
• After Ol' Dirty Bastard's untimely death, hip-hop was missing a resident cracked-out fuck up. But, relax. DMX is quickly filling the void. [Billboard]
• Foxy Brown, no longer deaf, returns to work. Please, try to contain your enthusiasm. [MTV]
• Dave Matthews Band would like to make up for dumping their shit all over those poor Chicago cruisers. [AP]
• Yeah, the Kevin Federline album will definitely suck — even more now that Britney Spears is singin' back-up. [Page Six]
• The Brits gave us The Beatles and The Rolling Stones. We give them…Paris Hilton. [The Sun]
• A&E takes a stab at celeb reality TV, but the only guy they could get was Gene Simmons. [Reuters]
• Yesterday, the hottest baby ever was announced. Today, the not-so hottest. [People]
• Oprah made her not-so-surprising surprise call to Larry King last night. She supported James Frey, but cut into Anderson Cooper's face time which was so not cool. [NYP]
