• Ya think? [Fresh Intel]

• New York Times readers will not tolerate fair-weathered Mets fans. And neither will the Observer. [NYO]

• We don't think NYC needs to get all San Francisco with baby names like "Moonclover" and "Ashbury." And while they're very nice names, we thought New Yorkers could get more creative than Michael and Emily. [1010 Wins]

• Seriously? Barnes & Noble is poly-bagging ArtForum? Come on, we've seen moms in the kids section wearing sluttier outfits than that. [Page Six]

• We are so relieved. Some areas of Brooklyn aren't so full of futons and pregnancy tests that the crime stops. [Curbed]

Always one to self-congratulate, Fox News tossed "fair," "balanced," and "and" to the wayside last night to throw itself a 10th anniversary bash. The red carpet was rolled out in front of headquarters at 1211 Sixth, and underneath a glammed-up tent Rupert Murdoch held court over minions Roger Ailes, Bill O'Reilly, Shep Smith, Bill Hemmer, Greta Van Susteren, Brit Hume, and Laurie Dhue. But there was more star wattage inside: Donald Trump, Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Governor George Pataki, Ann Coulter, Tiki Barber, and NYPD Commissioner Raymond Kelly all showed up to pay their respects. And so did we: Jossip loves a party that celebrates raping the competition into submission, so we grabbed photog Matthew Krautheim and hit the soiree. (Meanwhile, if there's a missing Fox News pillow, don't blame us.)

CONTINUED »

While Tax Day may not be any fun for the common civilian, we revel in April 15 (or at least this year's delayed version) because it means our local politicos make public their financial records for our skewering.

Gov. George Pataki reports income of $889,123, thanks to a Flordia home sale that reaped an 88 percent profit after just 17 months of ownership — it's a true New Yorker who knows who to flip. Meanwhile, governor hopeful Bill Weld reports income of $540,077, a drastic dip from 2004's $2 million, but he's chalking it up to a $530,000 loss after investing in the controversial for-profit Decker College. And while we've looked everywhere for reports on how much Mayor Michael Bloomberg is reporting, all we've come up with are a handful of Bloomberg News reports on U.S. stock-index futures.

Weld's Income Fell in 2005; House Sale Raised Pataki's [Danny Hakim, NYT]

• Spin writers have already begun to twirl off into the sunset, with Chuck Klosterman leading the pack. [Fishbowl]

• George Pataki is going to be A-OK — just as soon as he can poop, scarf down some pizza, and kick back a few brewskis. [NY1]

• This weekend’s New York Times magazine will be devoting 200 pages to the heavenly topic of real estate. Yes, Lockhart Steele is going to be in the bathroom for a while. [NYO]

• We don’t think Americans are brilliant or anything, but they know who Wilmer Valderrama is, and they definitely know that neither we nor Jon Stewart are journalists. [DFW]

• All the girls at Michelle Williams' old elementary school scratched “Michelle is a bloody cunt” on the bathroom walls. Ok, they didn’t, but the homophobic principals who are secretly jealous of her Heath kiss have totally disowned her. [Sign on San Diego]

Yesterday, Governor Pataki, 60, canceled his plans to attend an event in NYC with Mayor Bloomberg, thinking that he was coming down with the flu.

But, unfortunately, it was a little more than the flu, and the New York Governor had to have his appendix out this morning.

The governor underwent the appendectomy shortly before 6 a-m at the Hudson Valley Hospital in Peekskill in Westchester County after checking himself into the facility late Wednesday night.

Luckily, the surgery went fine, and nobody had a heart attack as a result.

Send your get well cards, flowers, and gingerale to:

Governor George E. Pataki
State Capital
Albany, NY 12224

Gov. Pataki gets his appendix removed [ABC news via AP]

• Just when you thought the MTA's near $1 billion surplus might let commuters catch a break on fares, Governor George Pataki is lobbying to shut down plans to offer discounted holiday prices. [NY1]

• Some people think Al Franken's joke about Karl Rove and Scooter Libby being executed for treason wasn't funny. Thankfully, we've never identified with "some people." [NewsBusters.org]

• While he's trying to finesse the image of the NBA by instituting a stricter dress code, the commissioner David Stern also greenlighted NBA Ballers, a video game based on the private jet, spinning rims and bling, bling, bling lifestyles of players. [Page Six]

• Mayor Bloomberg hit up the weekly gay bash Beige at B-Bar last night, meeting with new lackey and everyone's favorite commercial gay Brian Ellner. [Gawker]

• We're not really sure why NBC Universal CEO Bob Wright is even talking about The Peacock's dismal ratings, let alone using the word "desperate" to describe its status, but we're glad to know he's aware "we could use another hit or two in prime time." Serial smarts are needed to be at the top, people. [NYP

• Jon Stewart finally unloaded his West Village apartment for $3.995 million, which has been on the market since March when he bout a $5.8 million Tribeca flat, which he's spending $300,000 on to decorate. Or, in relative terms, 700,000 times more than Stephen Colbert is pulling in. [NYO]

• Lenny Kravitz is said to be looking at a $50 million Fifth Avenue apartment that's in need of an additional $10 million in renovations, but he may not have enough cash for the unit.

• Martha Stewart's daughter Alexis will be joining her (in the kitchen?) as a sidekick on her Apprentice reality show. MSLO chairman Charles Koppelman will fill the other lieutenant seat.

• Judith Miller, embedded over her head? We're pretty sure she's just trying to keep her head free of snatch.

• Governor George Pataki wants to know how the New York Post obtained (and then printed transcripts of) taped conversations between his former aide Tom Doherty and top republicans, including one that had his wife Libby wondering why Donna Hanover Giuliani got more press than she.

• The MTA is thinking of adding cell service to the subways, and like good city folk, New Yorkers are bitching.

• You needn't eat Skittles to taste the rainbow. Just take a bite out of a very pregnant Britney Spears.

• Carrot Top goes from skinny annoying red-headed comic to beefy annoying red-headed comic.

Like the end of Chad Michael Murray's marriage to Sophia Bush, we all knew Gov. George Pataki would choose not to run for a fourth term. Instead, he's setting his sites on a 2008 presidential run on the Republican ticket.

Actually, he didn't say that exactly, but after decoding Scott McClellan's facial gestures, we can deduce just about any comments delivered from a podium.