PERTINENT QUESTIONS — Sure, sure, sure. This clip of Fox and Friends where Geraldo Rivera gets totes exasperated with Ann Coulter because she's saying "No one has tried to track down this Rashid Khalidi character" (um, try Columbia University? Where he's a professor of Arabic Studies?) is funny because it's like trying to reason with a very blond brick wall.

But also: Where the hell has Ann Coulter been hiding herself for the last six months?? Why wasn't she on any shows, spouting her rabid right wing political nonsense? Was she on a really long book tour or something?

Because we thought she might have had some sort of divine revelation where she realizes she's a nut bag, but judging from this video, that second coming hasn't happened quite yet. Next year in Jerusalem, perhaps.

The jerks who run television news stations insist reporters remain outside during major weather events, so the viewer understands just how strong the wind is, just how high the waves are, and just how dangerous the situation is. It's ridiculous, really, and when we're talking about insanely destructive forces like Hurricane Ike, stationing reporters outside only serves the purpose of dramatizing an already sensational event. At some point, the reporters' safety becomes jeopardized, all in the name of a better TV shot. All the networks have local reporters on the scene, in Galveston and elsewhere along the Texas coast, standing against the whipping wind as roads flood and residents scramble. For Fox News, it's Geraldo Rivera who's contributing to the coverage — and it's he who pays for our insatiable appetite for wanting to feel like we're inside the storm. Safety first, Rivera.

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See what we did there? We took a couple of photos of some media elite enjoying gift bags in the Hamptons and, in just one degree of separation, proved Page Six editor Richard Johnson, despite trashing Keith Olbermann regularly in his column, actually loves himself some MSNBC: Johnson-Geraldo Rivera-Dan Abrams.

Tolerated crazy person and Fox News host Geraldo Rivera did his corporate duty on The View today, bashing Lou Dobbs, whose own brand of crazy pours out from CNN on weeknights. And let us note: The View is becoming the TV version of the Huffington Post — a place where famous and opinionated folk get to lash out at people who piss 'em off.

About this time last year, Jeanine Pirro was on top of her game: The ex-Westchester district attorney and failed state attorney hopeful was said to have signed on to host her own talk show for $1 million a year. Then the deal fell through.

So where is she now? Losing her teeth on Geraldo.

Drew Peterson, the Bolingbrook man accused in connection with the disappearance of his wife, is now accusing talk show host Geraldo Rivera of having coached him during a recent interview.

Rivera's response? "It's as absurd as his plea for Stacy, wife #4 to come home, and his claim that Kathleen Savio, wife #3 drowned in the empty bathtub." Yep, he's still got it, folks. [TVNewser]

Geraldo, who, apparently, still exists, has reportedly characterized himself as "the original rock 'n' roll newsman," presumably because of his melodious voice and giant freewheeling mustache. "I dare someone to put him on a leash," says Bill Shine, vice president of programming for Fox.

Challenge accepted, Bill.

[BG]

• According to Harper's Bazaar, two out of every three "chic" stylish women has had sexual relations with Gilles Bensimon.

• Charlie Rose is "Larry King for Mensa members." And the best place for presidents to give length one on one interviews without saying anything.

• NY Times shareholders demand a shake-up. When asked to elaborate, investors said they have no problem with "boring, elitist crap," just so long as it's turning a profit.

• Geraldo Rivera launches one-sided feud with TVNewser's editor, calling him a "pubescent rejectionist."

• NBC execs are nostalgic for the days when people actually watched their television programming.

• Which may or may not explain why My Name Is Earl is bringing "new car smell" and eau de "obnoxious cologne" into your very own living room.

Everyone makes mistakes. After all, who among us has never once accidentally left the stove on, forgotten their house keys or shoplifted a $4 charm bracelet from Claire's Accessories in the fifth grade?

And who knows more about making mistakes than NYT television critic, Alessandra Stanley, who holds the dubious distinction of issuing corrections as frequently as a half-empty bottle of White Out? Today, however, hers was not so much a factual inaccuracy as a mysterious omission.

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The drinks were flowing at last night's RTCA dinner long before Karl Rove decided to 'get jiggy with it' on the dance floor. And Fox News' gazebo bash was the place to be, attracting throngs of Republican movers and shakers with its luminary candles, easy-listening jazz band and, of course, open bar. Inexplicably, we scored ourselves an invite, and ended up partying with FNC, sipping on Chardonnay with the likes of Bill O'Reilly, Roger Ailes, Geraldo Rivera (finally!) and Bill O'Reilly.

And when we say "sipping on Chardonnay with" we actually mean "guzzling Maker's Mark on the rocks while attempting to eavesdrop." Unfortunately, due to some combination of a loud jazz band, partial deafness and copious amounts of whiskey, we were only able to overhear enigmatic sentence fragments and context-less murmurs devoid of any actual meaning.

"Jerry Seinfeld was bawling his eyes out every day."
"Has anyone seen Geraldo?"
"Hate the speeches, love the food."
"Totally. Wait, Bill Richardson is the one with the jowls, right?"

And so on, and so forth. But it wasn't until we were seated inside that the real fun started.

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Geraldo "His Show Just Got Cancelled" Rivera just can't seem to shut his pie hole. After calling his arch-rival, Keith Olberman, a "midget," "punk" and "slimeball" on the radio last month, Rivera has recently upped the ante by challenging the conservative MSNBC newsie to a boxing match.

Evidently, Rivera's still not over the 2003 contraversy, when he was slammed by the press for that whole drawing-a-televised-map-of-the-U.S.-troops'-location incident. And, oh yeah, he's holding Olbermann responsible for all that:

Rivera, 63, blamed his MSNBC rival for blowing the incident out of proportion. He also called Olbermann a bawdy nickname for a cat "who wouldn't cross the street against the red light." Rivera, an amateur boxer, said he'd gladly step into the ring with the effete Olbermann and promised, "I would make a pizza out of him."

To which Olbermann immediately responded by insisting he's "7 inches taller," and declaring that Geraldo peaked in 1985.

He also threatened to cut off Bill O'Reilly's hamstring, proudly held up his (framed) copy of GQ's 2006 "Men of the Year" issue, and then made an obsene gesture and said, "COUNT THIS!"

We're betting ten bucks on Rivera, though. Anyone who's continued to wear a mustache 20 years after they stopped being cool has just got to be sorta scrappy.

Goodbye Geraldo, hello TMZ TV. Just like The Megan Mullally Show, Fox's Twentieth Television is halting Geraldo at Large — and bringing it back to FNC. Turns out, spending up to $1 million per week for just a 1.6 rating isn't profitable. With Geraldo gone, there's an open slot for none other than Harvey Levin and the kids at TMZ, who have turned racial tirades into America's newest porn addiction. There's been much speculation that Harvey would return to television with his new Internet project, and this move puts the ball in motion. Not that the staff at TMZ had been told any of this.

By popular demand, you all are the reason Intern Wendy is now pulling double duty nabbing quotes from our fave cable newscasters (and at time their guests). We offered to double her salary, but as it turns out, she's not only good at poking fun at Tucker Carlson … she's also good at math. So, for your early week pleasure, we present the weekend spew.

• I‘ve had plenty of parties in my life, Bill, believe it or not. I have — I cannot remember having a night where I had amnesia and totally didn‘t remember what I did, particularly on any of my honeymoons. —Geraldo Rivera, The O’Reilly Factor, July 13

• "Do you ever admit you’re wrong?” —Norah O’Donnell, asking the impossible of Ann Coulter, Hardball, July 14

• "Look, it might be a hubcap in a diaper, it might be a pineapple, it might be a troll doll with a price tag attached. It might be anything except a baby.” — Michael Musto, pondering what type of alien Suri Cruise really is, Countdown, July 14

• "I warn you, it's George W. Bush, having lunch with Blair, and there`s graphic eating involved. I mean, the president`s talking with his mouth open. Shame on you, George. Barbara will be talking to you about it.” Glenn Beck, on why bad table manners are worse than saying shit, Glenn Beck, July 17

• I believe it—you said they have the captain on the line, but I don’t know what he’s a captain of. Captain of what? What is he a captain of?” —Miles O’Brien, not knowing if it’s Captain Kangaroo or Captain and Tennille calling, American Morning, July 18

You wouldn't know it from his take on Katie Couric, but Geraldo Rivera is considered by some to be a reporter.

And those reporter instincts tell Geraldo that it would be bad for Katie to go to CBS. Not only because that "anchor lady" role is tough, but because she would only get 22 minutes of face time. Totally not worth the "gazillion" Les Moonves is offering. People like him and Katie should have at least 90 minutes on camera.

It would be a bad career move for Couric if she were to accept Les Moonves' gazillion-dollar offer to anchor CBS Evening News when her contract expires in May, according to Rivera.

Gazillions. Really? Does he still talk to anyone over at Fox now that he has his big shot show Geraldo at Large? Uh, because we seem to remember Roger Friedman pointing out yesterday that Katie would be taking a pay cut at CBS. Of $7 million.

If Katie Couric takes Dan Rather’s old job on the CBS Evening News, it will cost her big time — $7 million a year.

Gazillions, negative 7 million, whatever. Maybe Geraldo's is such a bad journalist because he's on TV? Then again, that's according to that non-Rupert Murdoch owned paper, and only people who work for Murdoch ever get things right.

Couric Would Take $7M Pay Cut at CBS [Roger Friedman, Fox]
Gail Shister | Geraldo Rivera would tell Couric to stay with 'Today' [Gail Shister, Philedelphia Inquirer]
Geraldo at Large
Where have you gone, Woodstein? [Denis Hamill, NYDN]

• Looks like Geraldo Rivera needs to invite some chair tossing neo-Nazis on his new syndicated show — and Fox might force him to with his dismal 2.9 rating debut. [TVNewser]

• First Britney Spears' new track "And Then We Kissed" makes the Internet leak rounds and then suddenly Kevin Federline's attempt at rapping ("Ya'll Ain't Ready") finds itself online too? We love record companies' in-house PR efforts. [Stereogum, and again]

• Kanye West is filling in for The Game in 50 Cent's rap feuds, but this time it's all politics. Kanye is sticking by his "Bush doesn't care about blacks" while 50 is, uh, attributing Hurricane Katrina to God. [AP]

• Wired magazine is joining the temporary store craze with a SoHo location filled with gadgets, just in time to make up for lost ad revenue with the holiday shopping season. [Beta News]

• This time next year there could be as many as 96 job openings swarming Mediabistro and ED2010 thanks to Conde Nast's business unit. [MIN]

• Now that everyone's all hot and bothered about Internet companies again, iVillage is looking for a suitor. [FT]

• Despite all those budget cuts at Tribune Co., its Chicago Tribune still has plenty of money to run a column about how blogs waste employee time. [Chicago Tribune]

• Nobody should be surprised that Geraldo Rivera's return to hosting his own show would go on without sound effects and sensationalized stories. [WaPo]

• Charlie Gibson is the man for Peter Jennings' job, at least according to departing Nightline host Ted Koppel. ABC News prez David Westin, meanwhile, has no idea why Ted is running his mouth. [Lowdown]

• Apparently there are just too many -steins, -witzs and -bergs in the media biz to officially declare it a diverse industry. [Harvard Crimson]

• While Jennifer Aniston proves to be Vanity Fair's largest seller, Britney Spears' pre-birth spread on Elle is the Hachette Filipacchi's title's biggest mover in its 21 years (thanks to Preston Sean's birth 15 days after it hit newsstands). [MIN]

• Reader's Digest chief Tom Ryder announced yesterday he'd be leaving the publishing giant after seven years at the end of 2005, where he'll then change his subscription to the Large Print edition. [Folio:]

• Not everybody's welcoming David Lee Roth and Adam Carolla with open arms as Howard Stern's replacements, with some non-Infinity-owned stations opting for different programming. [Page Six]

• Now that she's pretty much done with the New York Times, Judith Miller should have plenty of time to pen that memoir she's been running her mouth about. Now the real question is whether she'll go all Kim Cattrall and reveal all the steamy details of her romps with Scooter Libby. [WWD]

• Advertising Age is going all New Yorker on us with a first-of-its-kind (for a trade) solo advertiser issue, devoting all of its ad pages to Infinity — just in time to hype Howard Stern's replacements! [NYP]

• Reading a profile of Janice Min is, surprisingly, like reading Us Weekly's front of the book. You know, except for those creative headlines. [Denver Post]

• We really wish New York's Ariel Levy took a page from cover subject Maureen Dowd in how to be concise (well, not always). You know how to get us to not read your copy (beside putting it behind TimesSelect)? Print 6,000 words on a single womanly woman. [New York]

• Geraldo Rivera returns to daytime syndication today with Geraldo At Large. While the on-set fights from the days of Geraldo may not return, we're hoping there will be plenty of choreographed "victims saved" scenarios. [TVNewser]

• In-flight magazines aren't just for shopping from the skies anymore. They're industry leaders when it comes to ad pages — and might just beat Gotham when it comes ads more worthwhile than editorial. [MarketWatch]

• Just when you thought Jon Friedman had quit handing out media handjobs, he's at it again with Texas Monthly's Evan Smith. [MarketWatch]

• Finally, a journalist stars a blog. We knew this day was coming. [LAT]

• Tom Cruise is going to be hiding under a couch instead of jumping on one when he hears this: Brooke Shields is expecting her second child in the Spring. Just to make Katie Holmes jealous, expect a non-silent birth with lots of screaming and tons of drugs. [The Scoop]

• Karl Lagerfeld can expect an uninvited guest at tomorrow night's Fendi party: the devil. His pals at PETA plan to protest by sending Satan (no, not Anna Wintour!) as part of their "Wear Fur and Go to Hell" campaign. [Lowdown]

• Is Paris Hilton ditching her bi-coastal wrath in America for the cloudy skies of London? She's said to be shopping around for a new place, though given her tendency to globe hop, we're sure she'll be back at Spider Club by the New Year. [Radar]

• When Lenny Kravitz' neighbors say, "Oh, shit!," they aren't kidding. The rocker's toilet backed up and caused damage to two neighbors' apartments in his building. But they won't have to put up with Kravitz's crap much longer: he's put his unit on the market. [Page Six]

• Geraldo Rivera, who begins his new show Geraldo at Large on Monday, is watching his brother Craig tumble. The Inside Edition correspondent looked more like the celebrities he reports on when he got busted for DUI in San Francisco. [Page Six.

• Lil' Kim isn't going to win a lot of friends in prison with her new CD. The Naked Truth blasts everyone from her co-defendants to the prosecutor that put her there. She's just pissed none of her cellmates have knitted her a poncho yet. [NYDN]

• So much for Brad Garrett's attempt to ride on the coattails of Ray Romano for the rest of his career. Though he alluded to a possible Everybody Loves Raymond spin-off at the Emmys, CBS isn't too fond of the idea. [Fox 411]

• Don't let Fairchild's "She's so Jane" ads fool you: Brandon Holley is no Jane Pratt, and her mass market push for Jane isn't going over well with editors. They're jumping ship like Chris Mitchell.

• Dan Rather is gung ho about reopening President Bush's National Guard story, but CBS News isn't thrilled with the idea for, ahem, obvious reasons.

• The hurricane coverage continues to bolster ratings for the cable news networks, with Fox News remaining in the lead with an average 1.2 million daily viewers. 'Cause you knew Roger Ailes was going to milk death and destruction for every last viewer.

• Anderson Cooper didn't have any luck avoiding the Gulf Coast's harsh weather and he can't avoid trouble on the housing market either. His West 38th Street loft, originally listed at $2.2 million, has dropped to $1.795m in its second price cut.

• Even though the New York Times didn't exactly apologize to Geraldo Rivera for implying he staged a Hurricane Katrina rescue, the Fox News journo doesn't plan on suing.

After plenty of bitching over the New York Times' claiming he staged a Hurricane Katrina rescue for the benefit of the cameras — and securing the support of WaPo media critic Howard Kurtz and even NYT public editor Byron Calame — Geraldo Rivera is finally getting his NYT correction.

But it's certainly no apology and sounds much closer to a snide aside. And that's why we love those folks on West 43rd.

The TV Watch column on Sept. 5 discussed broadcast journalists' undisguised outrage at the failings of Hurricane Katrina rescue efforts. It said reporters had helped stranded victims because no police officers or rescue workers were around, and added, "Fox's Geraldo Rivera did his rivals one better: yesterday, he nudged an Air Force rescue worker out of the way so his camera crew could tape him as he helped lift an older woman in a wheelchair to safety."

The editors understood the "nudge" comment as the television critic's figurative reference to Mr. Rivera's flamboyant intervention. Mr. Rivera complained, but after reviewing a tape of his broadcast, The Times declined to publish a correction.

Numerous readers, however - now including Byron Calame, the newspaper's public editor, who also scrutinized the tape - read the comment as a factual assertion. The Times acknowledges that no nudge was visible on the broadcast.

Hear that? No nudge, even if Alessandra Stanley channeled one.