• Breaking: Paris Hilton reportedly told Nicole Richie, "I want a baby so that our babies can play together.’" And by "play together," we're assuming she means "share a coke dealer and periodically pretend-fight to stir up publicity for their trashy reality tv show." Allegedly.

• Oh no! "Geri Halliwell is being forced to leave her 18-month-old daughter Bluebell at home while she and the other Spice Girls prepare to kick off their world tour in Vancouver on Sunday." Either that or she's just, you know, voluntarily putting her own fledgling singing career ahead of her baby's needs.

• Did Jennifer Aniston go under the knife? And, if so, why? After all, doesn't she know she's nothing but hair?

• Meanwhile, Reese Witherspoon is officially the highest paid actress in Hollywood. And yet, somehow, not a single cent has gone into a chin reduction. Weird!

• Ladies and gentlemen, Marissa Cooper…like you've never seen her before.

• John Travolta is still frightening people with his greasy, Brandon Davis hair.

• Amy Winehouse is still insisting she's not on drugs.

• Jessica Seinfeld is still claiming she's too rich, successful to plagiarize from non-famous people.

• Paris Hilton is still an exhibitionist.

• Beyonce Knowles is still angry at Rihanna for stealing her curvaceous thunder.

• And Geri Halliwell is still…relevant?

• Where in the world is Lindsay Lohan? In Sundance, Utah for a hellish 30-day rehabilitation program that includes horseback riding therapy, massage therapy, hydro therapy and a hair salon with manicures…therapy.

• A not-at-all-crazy Britney Spears was just driving along, nice and slow, when suddenly, this parked car came out of nowhere and hit her, y'all!

• Sigh. At least Paris has the good sense to drink and then only "pretend-drive."

• Geri Halliwell finds out what happens when you cross a baby's diaper with a feathered boa.

• And here she is again, much to the delight of her adoring fans those random people snickering in the background.