• Who doesn't love a free gift bag? Especially from a magazine you've never heard of? Be one of the first 50 to show your face at RES magazine's release party and you can get some hot consolation prizes. (Tue. 4/18) [Free NYC]

• Some guy with an eye patch named Slick Rick is rapping or something tonight. Seriously. Go see him. (Tue. 4/18) [FreeNYC]

• If you've never been to Happy Endings' In The Flesh reading events, tomorrow's as good a time as any. Free drunk sex plus literature … fabulous. The best part? You don't even have to read a blog to get it. (Wed. 4/19) [Flavorpill]

• Because it's the coolest thing to do since catching Clap Your Hands Say Yeah or Death Cab For Cutie concerts, go see Ghostface perform. Come on, it's Earth Day. (Sat. 4/22) [amNY]

• Duncan Sheik is such nice guy — most people wouldn't even take the time to beat their sister up for performing at Pianos, let alone actually go and watch her. [Page Six]

• Tom Jones' face is at risk of falling off due to his excessive plastic surgery. Hey, Teri Hatcher, you might want to cancel those next twelve appointments. [MSNBC]

• Music bloggers: Just as morally depraved as real music journalists! [Marathonpacks]

• N'Sync fails to grasp the facts that 1) the world is round and 2)R. Kelly can't keep track of what kind of gun he has. Hey, no one said pop stars were bright. [Onion A.V. Club]

• In response to recent celebrities attacking their assistants with blackberries, Ghostface melted his bling sidekick down so it can't hurt anybody. [MTV]