By the time next Christmas roles around, your Great-Aunts are going to have a lot of questions about how you can claim to be too busy to get pregnant yourself.
[Photo]
• Did Cathy Horyn like Gwen Stefani's L.A.M.B show? No, apparently she did not. Says Horyn: "Among the words I wrote in my notebook, until my pen came to a stop, were 'blob,' 'very last season,' 'bad secretary,' 'astonishingly bad,' and 'Ditzville." Well, damn!
• American Next Top Model winner Caridee is, paradoxically, neither modeling nor a winner.
• Samantha Ronson (celebrity DJ and Lindsay Lohan's sometimes-girlfriend) reminds us why sister Charlotte is the fashionable one.
• Man sues bodega. 'Nuff said.
• Unable to tamper with her ankle monitoring bracelet and not content to simply sit back and sip on Shirley Temples, Lindsay Lohan has apparently figured out the secret to a happy, sober existence: total Ecstasy.
• Either that or LiLo's holed up in her room getting high on whippets, chugging cold meds, and screaming "Mo' Tussin!"
• An unleashed Suri Cruise terrorized a Barnes & Nobles on Monday, throwing books at Katie Holmes' feet and generally pissing off all the bookish singletons looking for love in the self-help aisle.
• Ryan Seacrest needs a new beard, preferably one who doesn't say things like, "Beer doesn't give you a yeast infection, right?" or start singing, "I'm not wearing pantyhose."
• Usher finds a clever way to alienate his biggest and only fan.
• Gwen Stefani sues Forever 21 for making even crappier clothes than usual.
• If you'd told us yesterday that Mariah Carey's ass was hotter than Mandy Moore's, we'd have called you a liar and then laughed uncontrollably. Oh, what a difference a day makes…
• As though wearing creepy, couple-coordinated outfits weren't enough, David and Victoria Beckham also have the audacity to dress their children in matching rugby shirts.
• Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz confuse crazy hats with street cred.
• At what point did it officially become physically impossible to perform on So You Think You Can Dance without lip syncing?
• Yep, just another proud moment for Gwen Stefani and her less famous husband.
• Hey, you know what's even fishier than sleeping with a guy old enough to be your father grandfather? Washing your hair with Beluga caviar at $400 a pop.
• Lisa Rinna puts the "skin" in "skinny."
• Washington Post names Britney Spears "Biggest Celebrity Train Wreck," prompting Lindsay Lohan to respond, "He-llo! What about me?"
• Gwen Stefani, Gavin Rossdale and baby Kingston pick up some groceries on the way to Diddy's annual "White Party."
• Turns out New Yorkers could use a couple of fashion tips from Joan and Melissa Rivers.
• Mariah Carey may not be your sweet, sweet fantasy, baby any longer, but at least she's significantly less chunky than she used to be.
• Amy Winehouse grabs a shard of broken mirror and etches "I love Blake" into her stomach right in the middle of an interview with Spin magazine. Yep, nothing wrong with that marriage.
• Who will top the list of the Ten Worst Celebrity Boob Jobs. Tara Reid's tiny, deformed nipples or Ivanka Trump's giant beach ball breasts?
• Does anyone else find it peculiar that Gwen Stefani's infant son is sporting a Mohawk?
• Hayden Panettiere does her best Quasimodo impersonation while licking the left ass cheek of a bronze statue. [Ed: That's hot?]
• It actually kinda creeps us out to know that Harry Potter is a "good kisser."
• Mischa Barton learns that mixing "antibiotics and a shitload of alcohol" might not actually be a good idea.
• How do you fall down the slippery slope of "totally fine" to "coked up underage car-crasher?" Clearly a photo montage will have all the answers.
• Meanwhile, Entourage pisses off the diversity police by failing to feature ginormous black bodyguards. Of course, one could argue that they don't feature white bodyguards either, but that would just be silly.
• Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale celebrate baby Kingston's first birthday. Sadly for Kingston, the popular diaper crowd had already RSVPed to Shiloh's big bash.
• Wilmer Valderrama may be collaborating on Kevin Federline's next album. And here we thought it was all downhill after Yo' Mama!
• Band-aid heriess Casey Johnson was "devastated" to find out she couldn't adopt the 2 1/2 year-old child she'd bonded with for three (whole!) weeks. Luckily, there are other fish in the sea!
• Turns out disgraced Tyco chief Dennis Kozlowski is one funny jailbird!
• A Mayan women criticizes Apocalypto for its historical inaccuraces; Gibson fires back by pleasantly suggesting that she "fuck off."
• Janice Dickinson returns to what she does bust: crazy, incoherent rants.
• When Kirk Douglas walks into a room, you'd better start clapping.
• Gwen Stefani to guest-mentor on American Idol; Sanjaya to immediately stake his claim on "I'm Just A Girl."
• What really caused Anna Nicole Smith's death? The tabloids say they've got the scoop forensic experts can only dream about!
• A boozy Paula Abdul teaches us all an important lesson about the dangers of interviewing while intoxicated.
• No doubt Gwen Stefani isn't thrilled about these un-Photoshopped pics of her circulating the web.
• The next time you fall down and break your hip, get your lazy ass up and start running a 5K.
• Not one month after Vanessa Minnillo drops the F-bomb on-air and there's already talk of TRL being cancelled. Ho-hum.
• Dame Helen Mirren rushed through her interviews on Friday so she could have more time to booze it up;. "Drinking after the interviews," mused Paula Abdul. "Wow, what a concept!"
• Congratulations to Cord on a successful first day of splaying celebrities over at sister-site, Mollygood.
• And a Gwen Stefani doll really does have so much more potential than this. [AP]
• Jay-Z buys Beyonce a Rolls Royce for her birthday. Then she'll buy him a yacht, he'll buy her a ski lodge, and all 99 problems will just vanish. [Lowdown]
• We would have never picked Wyclef Jean to pull an Axl Rose. But somehow, we respect him more for it than when Axl does it. [Page Six]
• Pete Doherty has embarked on his monthly quest to clean up for three whole days. [E!]
• Thanks a lot Kelly Clarkson. Now we have to see an entire VMA show with no Gwen Stefani. And what's the point of that? [Page Six]
• We think about Michael Bloomberg singing Shakira’s “My Hips Don’t Lie,” and the child inside of us dies. Thankfully. It's better to die than experience that. [NYDN]
• DMX finally returns, bringing along with him, the worst album title since William Hung’s “Hung for the Holidays” [Houston Press]
• You know Eminem is really bad when it causes a girl to write about him in her MySpace blog. [TMZ]
• We wonder what act of sexual deviance Vanessa Minnillo allowed Nick Lachey to perform to get him to forget about his ex-wife in just a week. [Page Six]
• The New York Observer kids "play softball." If you call "hitting people with bats" and "getting hand fungus" a sport. Then again, it was like 800 degrees, so we give them some credit. [NYO]
• Yeah, we pretty much figure a gym on the Lower East Side would look more or less like this. [Gawker]
• Gavin Rossdale's illegitimate kid doesn't call Gwen Stefani "stepmum." She calls her "fucking bitch who stole my dad." [Page Six]
• Mel Gibson isn't the only one in Hollywood who can make fun of Jews. [Defamer]
• Melanie Griffith is one of those "cool moms." [Mollygood]
• Minor league baseball players want to remind you: Britney Spears is a really bad mother. Don't put your baby in a car seat backwards in a convertible just because she did. Ok? Great. [AP]
(Note: Lawyers for OK! forced us to take down their exclusive photos of Gwen Stefani and crew. If anyone wants to sketch something from memory for us and send it over, though, we'll be glad to run it.)
• Esquire guys want to have dinner with Condoleezza Rice, Jay Leno, and Jennifer Aniston? Thank goodness because nobody else wants to be anywhere near them. [Fox]
• Maybe with a new editor in the form of Steve Garbarino, BlackBook will be able to avoid those little Conde confusions. [Gawker]
• Entertainment Weekly maintains we still need movie critics. And that movie critics aren't snobs. And that real critics are still more important than those playing around with technology like "the web." [EW via Romenesko]
• Gwen Stefani's baby Kingston may not save Africa, but if he and Shiloh spawn that would be like hotness to the 8th power or something. [Mollygood]
• Are they positively sure that Arianna Huffington didn't say "daaahlings?" [FBNY]
As we speak … er, type … another celebrity child is being birthed into the world. Well, Hollywood style naturally, which is via c-section to allow for an immediate tummy tuck. Hey, we can't have rock stars' post prego tums flappin' in the wind can we?
The rock star is in fact Gwen Stefani and hubby Gavin Rossdale, who are preparing to welcome their first child into the world of celebdom. The baby will likely be A GIRL! and then A BOY! … or at least genderless until someone other than Janice Min can verify its genitals. That's right, Us Weekly broke another baby story:
A very pregnant Gwen Stefani and rocker husband Gavin Rossdale arrived at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles this morning where doctors plan to induce labor and deliver the couple’s child via C-section at noon PST. Rossdale dropped his wife off at the maternity ward, parked Stefani’s silver Range Rover and “seemed a little nervous and he checked the baby car seat before he got out,†according to a witness.
Did you hear that? He checked the car seat. See, Britney Spears may be a walking atrocity for her own family, but for other celebrity parents, and baby Gwavin, she is a god send.
BREAKING! Gwen Stefani In Labor [Us Weekly]
• Sum 41 becomes Sum 29, now that Dave Baksh is gone. We did the math ourselves. [Billboard]
• A Tribe Called Quest is in the stages of planning a reunion tour for the fall. Time to break out the Bali Hais and one hitters, guys. [MTV]
• Is it just us, or is DMX making a trend out of being arrested at airports? Oh well, at least this time he didn't pretend to be a federal agent. [HipHopGame]
• In attempt to waste time, money, and spce, No Doubt started recording a new album — without Gwen Stefani. [NME]
• Thom Yorke writes an e-mail to his fans that we interpret as meaning he is recording a new album. Or, he just has to pee really, really bad. We haven't perfected Yorke's native tongue of crazy just yet. [Pitchfork]
Gwen Stefani is rumored to be "in talks" with dejected ex Jane editor Jane Pratt. The two are hooking up to start a new magazine (people are still trying to do that?) that will focus either on women over 35 or women who are younger.
In the eight months since Pratt was forced out of her namesake magazine after endless antics, she has been reported to be working on two projects: a satellite radio program for Sirius and a magazine concept she pitched to Time Inc.
No doubt that hook-up would be hot, but Pratt may need to fall back on that radio show. It seems that unless things fly off the ground, Stefani won't have much time between popping out a kid and doing all that mom stuff before she gets back into the gym … which, had Jane picked Britney Spears to start a mag with, obviously wouldn't be an issue.
Try, Try Again [Jeff Bercovici, WWD]
Oh we do love Us Weekly and their exclusives, we do. Though, we half suspect that Jann Wenner is promising some PR rep a Rolling Stone cover, the glossy was first to break the scoop on Gwen Stafani and Gavin Rossdale's baby news. Even if they have yet to post it on their website.
This shit is bananas! We couldn't be happier that two celebrities who aren't crazy, trashy, skeezy, or drug addicted are finally reproducing.
• Ozzy Osbourne think he contracted Avian Flu through bird feces — though as long as he's not biting off their heads, we think he's safe. [NME]
• 50 Cent isn't stopping his empire at, well, anything. It seems that his newest venture will be a series of books. Unfortunately, the first installment will not hit the shelves until 2007, but until then you can probably get your Fiddy Fill with his music, movie, video games, or, vitamin water. [Billboard.com]
• The Strokes continue to keep all upcoming ventures very private. They have announced that there will be a "secret" tour to complement their "unleaked" new album and video. [Pitchfork]
• Gwen Stefani is cheating on Gavin Rossdale — or, you know, she isn't. The blonde anti-Hollaback Girl has decided to forgo spending time with her husband in order to record with Pharrell. Gavin continues to shrink into less and less of a man. [MTV]
• Madonna continues to rule the world and have a better body than you ever will despite being 25 years younger. Her new album is causing riots overseas and today, AOL/Network Live will webcast a live performance in London. [Liz Smith]
• The release of Idlewild – Outkast's HBO 1920s period musical and subsequent soundtrack – has been postponed yet again. There is no set date, but hopefully this ragtime masterpiece should be leaking onto the internet sometime next year. [Billboard]
• Gwen Stefani might be the one throwing cell phones at her assistant, thanks to Naomi Campbell. The suddenly spiritual runway diva plans to one-up the L.A.M.B. designer with an impromptu Hurricane Katrina fashion show benefit to take place just after Gwen wraps up.
• Meanwhile, Naomi needed two hours to pull herself together for a CNN interview, which she delivered (when she finally showed up) with emotion — naturally causing journo Richard Quest to burst into laughter.
• At Wednesday's H&M party, David LaChappelle had a few words for the Simpson family: He's sorry. Well, sorry for Fox's Simpsons that're helplessly associated with Jessica and Ashlee, that is.
• John Rutter landed himself three years and eight months of jail time, stemming from his attempt to blackmail Cameron Diaz out of $3.5 million to keep her topless photos from circulating. Now he can only hope his prison mates are nicer fellas.
• Not that it's really "news," but Tom Sizemore was ordered yesterday to stay in rehab for another 30 days, though he can leave to work and attend charity events. Which is good news, since he has five films on his docket already.
• Ladies (and gentlemen), rejoice: Your wish to see Brad Pitt give a full frontal shot are about to be granted. In a sacrifice for his art, Brad will pose totally nude (standing in a bathtub, no less!) in his new flick, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. No strategically placed rubber duckies have been spotted on set.
The semi-annual blow fest known as Fashion Week is upon us — and it kicked off last night (well, "officially" anyway) with David Bowie, Destiny's Child and Duran Duran taking the stage at Fashion Rocks. Gwen Stefani, meanwhile, is playing two roles.
She rocked out to a welcome audience last night but she's also replacing Jennifer Lopez as this year's collection It girl, with the 8pm Friday slot to match.
But nevermind that! We're concerned about more trivial matters, like what's in the gift bag. September's Olympus theme is "Backyard Barbecue in a Bag," but stuffers at Jono Productions couldn't exactly fit an industrial-sized grill into a Dooney & Burke bag, even if it is the largest made by the designer. (It'll be delivered.)
Among the goodies found "inside" the bag: A summer's supply of Kobe beef from UptownPrime.com, a Coleman stainless steel party cooler loaded with plenty of Moet and a year's supply (that's 10 cases per month) of Coor's Light, plus $1000 from Tupperware, some Dr. Scholl's footcare items and, of course, an Olympus camera.
To catch all those memories worth cherishing .. and to feed the tabs for weeks.
And don't miss Guy Trebay's child welfare worrying: "And how have child welfare authorities failed to notice the backstage guzzling by teenage models?"
Editorial Director
