How could we be so remiss? So dumbfounded were we by Larry Craig's only rational decision in the history of his lonely life – to quit appealing his GUILTY PLEA – we almost forgot to remind you of this amazing clip of a very perturbed Craig ranting about Bill Clinton's "bad naughtiness" like some hillbilly preschool teacher.
Remember, that's Mister Craig if you're nasty.
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Here's your go-to funny picture for any Web discussion of creepy outhouse toe-tapper Larry Craig. Enjoy.
[Source]
Huzzah! With consumer spending in a slump, several corporations have finally decided to stop giving away disgusting amounts of free stuff to famous people, who can afford to buy all the shit 10 times over. Sometimes all it takes is the hovering possibility of a complete global meltdown to get people to think straight: "Y'know, some consumers might be kinda turned off to see us giving away free clothes to multimillionaires; let's not do that anymore."
Oh, well, it was disgusting while it lasted. Here, a gallery of the glory days of the gifting lounge.
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Barack Obama's elitist president car is a big black Cadillac with eight-inch thick doors. Racists are gonna have a field day over this.
"Getting your master's in journalism is as good as getting your master's in coal mining." -An editor, to a touring class of graduate students
Only in America! In one of the biggest "fuck y'all"-moves in modern history, scheming Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich is exercising his right to appoint someone to fill Barack Obama's vacant senate seat, despite the fact that he was recently arrested for trying to sell that very same position. The ballsy, ballsy gangsternor will name former Illinois attorney general Roland Burris to the office, which is hilarious because Burris is actually very qualified and wasn't part of the initial scandal at all. What a treat this Blago is.
Oh, gawd! The crazies get so ballsy around Christmas, don't they? It's like all the lights him-o-tize them or something.
Case in point: Faith-based fathead Rick Warren has taken to the Internets to rant about how everyone saying he's a bigot has got him all wrong. According to Warren, he knows it may have sounded like he was saying homosexuality is similar to pedophilia in that one kooky interview everyone quotes, but what he was actually saying is that God hates homosexual relationships the same way he hates it when adults rape children, which is completely different. Got it? Also: IT'S THE BLOGGERS' FAULT!!!!!
The video of Warren's whining (after the jump), did little but remind us that this year has been a great one in insane political clips. After the jump, our by no means comprehensive collection of some favorites.
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The person you've been calling the "Nirvana baby" for the past 17 years is all grown up and ready to cash in big on his parents' willingness to exploit his naked body.
Spencer Elden, now 17, has parlayed his brief foray into nude modeling into an internship with Shepard Fairey – your grandma's favorite street artist – and perhaps a role in an upcoming movie. Not to mention all the times he gets paid to just come to people's homes and swim for them:
"Stuff happens like random cool situations where I get paid $500 just to go hang out," Elden said. "People just call me up and they're like, 'Hey you're the Nirvana baby, right? Well just come and swim in my pool and we'll give you some money.' "
That does sound COOL, Spence! Especially if your idea of cool is being a spectacle for drunk, nostalgic grungeheads.
Once a vulnerable, drowning baby chasing money, always a vulnerable, drowning baby chasing money.
Arizona State University is a place where scantily clad women can suddenly appear and convince two cadres of frat guys to star in a porno. So it wouldn't be surprising if the little in-joke hand sign among ASU students was "The Shocker." Alas, despite appearances, the gesture Arizona State fans throw in support of their Sun Devils is the "pitchfork," which distinguishes itself from its vulgar cousin with the separation of the index and middle fingers.
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Ever wonder where Rahm Emanuel, abrasive, nine-fingered Chicago gangster and Barack Obama's new chief of staff, got his spiteful disposition? Probably from his father, a former Israeli terrorist, who said this when asked if his son would help strengthen the Obama administration's ties to Israel:
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Ooooooh BURN! Sarah Palin, the gun-toting ice bride who as of late has been calling Barack Obama "Barack the Wealth Spreader," seems to have forgotten that the policies of the Ice Planet Hoth, over which she governs, are rife with the very same socialistic practices she claims to hate soooooo much.
This from elitist Kuran The New Yorker:
David Letterman's disdain for the guests his job requires him to interview is becoming less and less subtle, and it's an absolutely glorious thing to behold.
After the jump, watch as Letterman uses Hills star Lauren Conrad's promotional rambling to sell his book and presents her with the theory that maybe she's the reason people hate her. The host also takes some time to go off on LC's mortal enemy, Spencer Pratt. Enjoy.
Here we go again! Tucker Carlson has yet another wrong opinion about something! We thought this shit was over after Jon Stewart made a fool out of him and his bow tie and got his show canceled. And if not then, then definitely after he made a fool out of himself on a dancing show and viewers canceled him. But no. Tucker somehow finagled hisself a real-live column over at The Daily Beast, and he's using it just as poorly as he's used every other opportunity in his privileged life.
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Paddy Power, Ireland's largest bookie service, said today that it's going to pay out early more than one million euros on bets that Barack Obama will be the next president of the United States. Said a spokesman for Power: "We declare this race well and truly over and congratulate all those who backed Obama."
Now to get our drunken, gambling degenerates to face the facts instead of just calling Obama a "nigra" and passing out in some rotten parking lot.
Emboldened by the fact that one of their own was chosen to run on the Republican ticket for the second highest office in the land, the simplest folk in America have banded together to call for the destruction of a stupid toy doll they claim spouts EVIL TERRORIST CHANTING!!!!!!!
Sarah Palin's weekly assertion that she's not of "the elite" and is instead just a plain old hockey mom is one that should be called into question even more after Saturday night's Flyers game in Philadelphia, where the Alaskan governor dropped the first puck. That's because the chorus of boos Palin elicited from the thousands of "normal hockey folk" in the audience that night, the very people she swears to identify with completely, was loud enough to be described as "deafening." [In the style of Nelson Muntz] Ha ha!
See those maniacs at right? The ones a-hootin' and a-hollerin' about how, if they had their own country, the blacks and gays and A-rabs wouldn't be able to take their women and bars and money, respectively? Ironically, those clowns calling for a Southern nation in America seem to have a lot more in common with the North than they think. The far North, that is. And you know we wouldn't be talking about the crazies in Alaska right now if it had nothing to do with witchy ding-dong Sarah Palin.
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1. (idiomatic) to fail at something; to mess up; to make a mistake.
I blew it and forgot to start the spaghetti, so I had plenty of sauce and no pasta.
It's not based on any particular data point. We just wanted to choose a really large number.
-A Treasury spokeswoman, on where the $700 billion bailout figure came from
Oh whoops! How embarrassing when your company's tag line is proven to be a load of shit following a massive government bailout of your crumbling operations.
That's been happening a lot these days. In the long run, good for consumers, who somehow forget time and again that "advertising" is Lie-tin for "flowery bullshit," but bad for banks, who are being forced to rethink their marketing strategies in the wake of a Wall Street bloodbath that saw many of them neutered.
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