"Fuck you," is how Harvey Weinstein replied to Time Warner chief Jeff Bewkes' question about having him do a guest spot on Entourage.

Which means we'll be seeing more of Maury Chaykin playing "Harvey Weingard."

• Again, the BBC is really, really sorry for making the Queen look like a royal bag.

• But not sorry enough to quit, apparently!

• Former television columnist Gail Shister demoted reassigned to the metro desk. Next in store for Gail: The local traffic beat.

• HBO execs in total denial over those giant piles of hate-mail from people still livid over the Sopranos finale.

• Meanwhile, HBO starting to face the reality that, without Chris "Bruiser" Albrecht at the helm, they've got zero new hit shows.

• Magazine ad sales come in "flat" by dropping 0.5% since 2006. "But if flat is the new up," writes AdAge, "a decline smaller than 1% can certainly be called the new flat." Or, in other words, no news is good news.

Say, remember not too long ago when Chris Albrecht was ousted from HBO after it came out that he had a long, sordid history of domestic violence? Well, apparently, he's back on the singles market, as evidenced by this charming anecdote in today's Page Six.

Across town at the Mandarin Oriental bar, former HBO chief Chris Albrecht, just back from Sardinia, introduced a stunning, 6-foot brunette to pals as "Magdalena." But that wasn't her name. Albrecht's guest "shot him a nasty look," our spy said, "and Chris then said, 'I mean, Marie.' "

Can't really blame the guy, he's obviously a little rusty at this whole dating thing. Plus, on the bright side, at least he didn't punch her in the face.

• In desperate post-Sopranos haze, HBO greenlights new episodes of Unsolved Mysteries.

• Is YouTube destined to become the new Friendster and fade into "I Love The 00's" obscurity?

• Advertisers already starting to back away from Portfolio on the basis that it's boring and reads like "Business for Dummies."

• Joe Scarborough and his cronies "jokingly" ripped the producers' Paris Hilton script into pieces, pretended to light it on fire, then stuck it in the paper shredder. It's called journalism, people.

CONTINUED »

Now that The Sopranos has faded to black, HBO is on the delirious hunt for another hit that will once again make it a must-pay-for premium channel. Big Love has some ground to cover in that department, Entourage still isn't required viewing, and new offering Flight of the Conchords didn't keep us past the first 30 seconds. So what's left?

John From Cincinnati, which might be about a surfer, or might be about Jesus. Either way, the dude levitates. Also "either way": HBO is shoveling an extra helping of hope on its success. Which might explain why they're desperate to attract audience — and critical acclaim. So much so, in fact, that they might just be making it up.

CONTINUED »

Americans tuning into last night's series finale of The Sopranos were&bdash;by and large&bdash;disappointed by the lack of closure, bloodshed in the episode's final moments. And while some were intrigued by the open-ended ambiguity characterizing the series' highly anticipated close, the vast majority were predominantly unsatisfied by the anticlimactic denouement.

"Had the writers only tied up a few more loose ends, offered up some shocking character revelations or, you know, thrown in a gratuitously violent massacre, perhaps involving a semi-automatic weapon, it would have really made saying goodbye to Tony that much easier," said one disappointed viewer.

And he/she was not alone.

CONTINUED »

Weeks after losing dynamic Chief Executive Chris Albrecht (something about creative differences, corporate restructuring and Albrecht hitting his girlfriend) HBO has finally announcement a replacement. And though Albrecht was admired for his risk-taking, "hold no punches" style of leadership, Time Warner has apparently decided to opt for "corporate stability" when choosing his successor.

As the LA Times reports:

Last month the media giant was forced to find a replacement for former Chief Executive Chris Albrecht when he was fired after assaulting his girlfriend in Las Vegas.

But instead of bringing in a creative visionary like Albrecht, the force behind such iconic programs as "The Sopranos" and "Sex and the City," Time Warner promoted five senior business veterans who have worked largely behind the scenes at HBO.

In other words, they've opted to go with safe and predictable rather than "innovative, but with a lifelong history of violence."

CONTINUED »

Entourage is a little bit in love with Variety. And why not? The show is on HBO, which means no paid-for product placements (That bottle of Grey Goose on the shelf? Creative decision!), so you know their plug love is authentic. It also means a plot-driven sucking up to the Hollywood trade, which might just result in glowing reviews of the show. And, since HBO supposedly doesn't base the success of its shows on how many viewers they pull in (hah!), Time Warner brass stay happy if everyone is loving how charming Vince can be.

Which explains why Entourage producers bring the trade to life, filming scenes at their offices, and having Johnny Drama care about its reviews. It might also explain why the cast "followed" Variety all the way to Cannes, as the trade's blogger Anne Thompson suggests. Or, you know, they were shooting scenes there too.

• Rumor has it Chris Albrecht is being asked to involuntarily resign.

• Okay, we know this is nothing new. But watching a lady old enough to be your great-grandmother talk about giving head will never not be funny.

• Win a date with Dave Z! Actually, better yet, don't.

• Jared Fogle used to sell dirty, dirty porn. And he only went on the Subway diet because he's sloth incarnate!

• Harvard grad tickets going for $125 a pop. Which almost seems expensive until you remember how much tuition is.

• Ellen DeGeneres calls up ABC Entertainment Prez Steve McPherson to find out when we can all stop watching Grey's and start watching Addison's spinoff.

• Turns out it's always been Us Weekly's practice to highlight the mistakes of others, while forgetting about their own.

Yesterday, HBO chief Chris Albrecht announced that he's temporarily stepping down, and revealed that he's a recovering alcoholic, who may have (allegedly!) hit his girlfriend after a booze-fueled relapse.

Today, we find out that Albrecht has previously dabbled in the art of assault and battery. And that HBO did nothing.

(Well, unless you count paying a hefty sum to make it all disappear).

Read on for details of the climactic extramarital affair, that culminates in an (alleged) strangling!

CONTINUED »

At least HBO is willing to show dick. That's pretty much the only reason we chose it over Cinemax when pondering which trio of premium stations we'd let Time Warner pipe into our home. (To be clear, all that gay programming on Showtime – including The Tudors – made the Viacom premium station a lock from the beginning. And if you're wondering about our third choice, it was Starz.)

Yeah, yeah, HBO has The Sopranos and, for a spat, Lucky Louie, but we don't watch any of that boxing crap and the color palette of Carnivale makes us nauseous. And then there's Entourage, the show that has finally earned its place as a star HBO series.

But it's lacking one crucial HBO-ism: nakey-time.

CONTINUED »

Breaking: Straight from the land of Unconfirmedville, we're hearing word from inside ABC that Diane Sawyer might be leaving ABC's Good Morning America.

For HBO.

If you were worried how TBS was going to make Sex and the City blowjob-talk-less enough for TBS or how The Sopranos would get beat-the-skulls-in-less enough for A&E, prepare yourself for the existential debate on how Bravo will take Taxicab Confessions' talk of threeways with tranny hookers and turn it into cable-friendly programming. 'Cause it's gonna happen.

Yesterday, the NBC Universal cable network – home to Kathy Griffin's gay jokes and Heidi Klum's tired diatribes – announced it was picking up nine episodes of the Emmy-winning lipstick camera program for a Friday night debut. And with Bravo already set to debut season three of Six Feet Under on the New Year, we're in for several weeks of turning necrophiliac sexual fantasies into Tim Gunn impersonations.

Oh, so you saw that two-page ad in Variety too, the one where HBO's pretty brilliant marketing team ran a fake ad touting the returns on Aquaman — the blockbuster at the center of Entourage's plotline. It got a lot of people talking, exactly what HBO was aiming for. But CNBC's Joe Kernan also got to talking. Except he didn't know the ad was fake. He didn't know the movie was fake. Though the absence of irony as he delivers the weekend box office draw? That's the only thing that's not fake.

Just days after the New York Times Magazine gives more than a smattering of ink to a looming college campus problem – young men and women sinking into the red with skyrocketing gambling debts, courtesy online poker – HBO debuts its branded offerings with Cigular. In there among the Sex and the City wallpapers? Sopranos Poker. $6.99 puts you at the mobile table. Let's just be glad The Sopranos isn't marketed to young adults, right?

The Sopranos Poker [Cingular]
The Hold-'Em Holdup [NYT]

We are getting a little nervous. Mostly because (you all know) we love Entourage. It is not just some ploy to give the show lots of press so that maybe we can meet Adrian Grenier and make-out with him. We swear! But, as a rule, every time a show, movie, blog, anything gets crazy over promoted, well, it usually means bad news is close behind.

Uh, hello, didn't Vince Chase himself teach us that with his reservations about Aquaman? Well, we don't have time for a full-out Entourage analysis (there are nerdier websites for that shit) we would like to use this platform to express our concern for the complete ho-out of our show.

First, there was this weird "be Ari Gold's assistant" posting. And we're sure none of you could dream of anything better than being Jeremy Piven's bitch, we just really don't get the point of the fake application. (Yes, we filled it out … nothing happened.) But, HBO didn't stop there. Oh, no. Now, they want their viewers to join gyms and work out while they watch the show.

As part of its plan to promote the third season of Entourage and the DVD release of season 2 … New York Sports Clubs will air season 2 of Entourage over the health club's private TV network.

During the week leading up to the premiere, 97 New York Sports Clubs put “Watch while you work out” cardio cards on the top of all the equipment, letting its 300,000 members know they can access season 2 on a special channel on the TV screens affixed to treadmills, bikes and other exercise machines. In addition, about one third of the TV screens suspended around the facilities also play the season 2 loop of episodes.

Again, we don't understand. Season two was great and all, but all the cardio in the world won't make up for missing Gary Buse and his crazy ass monologue.

HBO, Zoom to Run Entourage in Health Clubs [Katy Bachman, Mediaweek]

Riding in on the wings of controversy, HBO's newest series, Big Love, has caused more than a stir in the Mormon community.

In fun little social experiment, the New York Times decided to herd together a group of women who are "real polygamists" for a viewing of the premiere. And while watching Bill Paxton rail Chloe Sevigny may not be the average housewife's idea of fun, the women were generally intrigued by the views expressed in Tom Hanks' new show.

Producers have been adamant about the fact that the show is not intended to depict the lifestyles of Mormons, but instead to give an off-beat view of a polygamist family's life. And Doris, one of the women in the viewing group, has high hopes.

"This is making all of America say 'Why is there a law against polygamy?'

Yeah, sorry to burst your bubble Doris, but we don't really think all of America is asking themselves that quite yet. But Joe Francis is probably kicking himself for not thinking of this set up first.

'Big Love': Real Polygamists Look at HBO Polygamists and Find Sex [Felicia R. Lee, New York Times]
The Next Hef? [Page Six]

Though it still remains in thriving syndication on TBS and The WB, the absence of the original HBO version of Sex and the City leaves dedicated audiences turning to DVD packages and On Demand functions to get their raunch fix.

But HBO may soon have something to fill the void left by Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte. A reality show which follows the lives of "young urban women and their relationships with men and each other" is in talks.

Between the girl squawking, bartender stalking, and bloggers who make good use of their office space, there's plenty of real sex New York stories to be told.

And because almost every gal in New York seems to think that they are actually characters from SATC, producers Amy B. Harris and Simon Andreae should have a pretty easy time sticking to the original cosmo slurping Madison Avenue shopping details.

We just hope the new gals dress better than Carrie — we've already explained to our families back home that real New Yorkers don't dress like homeless fifth graders.

HBO Is Searching for a New Way to Combine 'Sex' and 'City' [Bill Carter, New York Times]

Don't you hate when actors and actresses drag your name through the mud? And by drag your name through the mud, we mean, make you more famous than you ever dreamt you could be.

Now that everyone and their Gastineu clad mom wants a pair of Manolo Blahniks the designer is totally fuming. We don't claim to understand this fashion world, but at some high society meta meta riche fest, where an intimate group gathered in celebration of Eric Boman's newest photographic shrine to the designer, the HBO hit's influence over the shoe's popularity was brought up. And just as quickly, shot down.

“Manolo thinks—which is very unfair—he thinks it’s vulgarized his name,” said Mr. Boman, who has a boyish, fine-featured face.

You know, because Sarah Jessica Parker wrote Sex and the City, she was wholly responsible for putting Blahniks on the map. That tramp.

“He says,”—here Mr. Boman traded his casual chatty tone for a comically grandiloquent one—“‘I’m sure that that Miss Parker is a perfectly nice woman,’ and, he says, ‘I have met her, as a matter of fact’—I think she presented him with some award, you know, and she is a very nice woman, but he just thought that…”—Mr. Boman went into silent reflection for a moment—“It’s an aspect of his work that he doesn’t feel is his work?”

Yeah, see, we didn't prep for crazy talk with Cindy Adams' column, today, so, we're not even sure what to say about this. But, those Observer folks speak whack, so you can get the rest of the "how Sarah Jessica Parker ruined Manolo Blahnik's life" story from them.

Carrie, the Burden [Nicholas Boston, The Daily Transom]

• Kim Cattrall starring on Elton John's new TV show? Sounds very Trans-sex And The City. [Star]

• The hipster, emo, ex-NYU kids, whatever, have already killed everything that was ever cool about Williamsburg. Now, they are taking the nabe's last bookstore. [NYT]

• HBO adopts the street kid cluster fuck that is 126 Rivington. We're just glad reality TV missed the Normandy Court phase. [Gawker]

• Jessica Simpson is scheduled to attend the National Republican Congressional Committe gala dinner. Finally, a group of people she'll be able to converse with. [Drudge]

• Jann Wenner's former BFF, Kent Brownridge, is totally dunzo. Jann's now looking for someone to heat up the bottles on "bring your baby to work" day. [NYP]

• Rachel Sklar ups the fem power in Silicon Alley by joining the Huffington Post. [NYO]