Heather Mill's, that one-legged ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney, spent most of this spring fighting in a bitter divorce settlement that left her way richer than she was before she met the Beatle. The former porn star was awarded $48.6 million, an insane amount but still only a fraction of what Mucca originally asked for ($250 million).
You guys remember this right? She poured a cup of water on her husband's attorney's head after it was all over? Super fun!
So what has Heather Mills been doing with all her cash? Keeping a low profile so to not attract any more press? Saving her money for a rainy day?
Haha, what, why would you ever think that:
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First we told you that Guy Ritchie stood to make $100 million plus from his divorce with Madonna. Then came word that, no, Ritchie wants "not one penny" of Madge's fortune. But if that's true, then why has Madonna acquired the services of Fiona Shackleton, Britain's shrewdest divorce attorney?
Today, new information about the still unfolding drama says that not only is Ritchie going after Madge's millions, under British law, he stands to see about 250 of them.
Were Ritchie to walk away from his marriage with a quarter of a billion dollars, it would be the most expensive celebrity divorce in recent history.
After the jump, more ungodly settlements.
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Now that Madonna and Guy Ritchie's marriage has gone the way of their Swept Away remake, let's look into how much rapidly devaluing cash and assets are going to change hands, shall we?
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If you have to ditch your loudmouth celebrity client with whom you've represented through her messy divorce to a beloved pop icon because she's just too freaking much, what's the best way to do it?
By issuing one last press release on behalf of your client — about why you're quitting.
That's how Heather Mills' rep Michele Elyzabeth (who also reps Christian Audigier) just did it. Buzzwords: "Impossible person," "heated argment," "I cannot take anymore." CONTINUED »
You know what happens when you mess with Paul McCartney? Your dirty past, whether fact or fiction, comes back to haunt you. That's the lesson Heather Mills should be learning after she dared tempt fate, rebuffing her $50 million divorce settlement, which she has said was not enough after initially seeking $250 million, and trashing her ex-husband in the press
So how is Paul paying her back?
While it can't be confirmed, an item in today's Sun about Mills' past, as a call girl who played out lesbian scenes in front of wealthy clients willing to dole out $20k a night, looks suspiciously like a soiling campaign.
The charges arrive tonight in Heather Mills: What Really Happened, Channel 4's look into Mills' pre-McCartney years, with former call girl Denise Hewitt making the allegations that Mills was the original Ashley Alexandra Dupre. CONTINUED »
Worst ex-wife ever Heather Mills wants to prove Paul McCartney is worth $1.5 billion, not the $750 million the judge overseeing her divorce proceedings assumed. With just $48 million in her pocket post-judgment, and after screaming from the court steps "We all know he's worth £800million. He's been worth £800million for the last 15 years," she's hiring a team of forensic accountants to go through McCartner's financials — even though proving he's worth double what he claims likely won't affect the ruling.
Unsatisfied with her $48 million divorce settlement, publicity whore Heather Mills continues her assault on Paul McCartney. Her latest came not in an appearance on Britain's GMTV, but by statement (an "exclusive" for the show!) where she rails on the judge's decision to release the full proceedings of the divorce to the public, a violation of her privacy, she claims. Now that everyone can read up on her business, she fears for her daughter's safety, a new concern that never seemed to bubble up when she was making the media rounds hoping to drum up support for her attempt at $250 million.
With the full court proceedings of Heather Mills and Paul McCartney's divorce now available for all the see, it's time to put some things in bold. CONTINUED »
Heather Mills walks away from her marriage to Paul McCartney with $48 million. Not an insignificant sum, but she wanted more. Lots more. She was after $250 million. When McCartney's attorneys offered her $32 million at the start, she balked. So in the end, perhaps taking him to court was worth it, at least to the tune of $16 million. But now she's facing the wrath of the press: Both British and American gossips are on the attack, and she's got little to defend herself with, now that the entire divorce proceeding has been made public, as her ex-husband's request. Which means all of her antics, far beyond tossing a jug of water at opposing counsel yesterday, are now on the record for all to see. And the cost of repairing her public image will cost significantly more than her tidy profit, especially when she's up against a Beatle.
As much as we like to tease them relentlessly, Page Six occasionally knocks one right out of the park. And that's exactly what happened with today's lead story on "McCartney's peg-legged ex," Heather Mills.
The highlight? The part where Mills' new French publicist Michele Elyzabeth tries to suggest that it's not, in fact, Heather who's crazy. It's the media! Something Mills and Elyzabeth plan to rectify by cutting off access to the uncooperative (read: negative) press outlets effective immediately. Unfortunately, that whole "What Would Stalin Do?" mantra has not made the former topless model completely impervious to full-scale tabloid attacks.
Did you know that Heather Mills had a previous marriage with British billionaire Alfie? And that it ended awkwardly/horribly with Mills fighting tooth and nail for a substantial piece of Alfie's assets just like she's doing right this very second to Paul McCartney?
Well, here's another thing you didn't know about Heather Mills. That whole "I stand on one leg against fur" campaign* she's spearheading? Total sham. Turns out she wore fur once! To a wedding.
And what's more, she apparently "loved" it.
• Heather Mills' psychotic new publicist succeeds in making her client appear to be less crazy by comparison.
• Kim Porter shows she's completely over Diddy by attending his 38th birthday party and spending most of the night in his arms. Way to stay strong, Kim!
• Mary J. Blige has almost as much of a gay following as Kathy Griffin? Who knew??
• The Beatles to hit up that whole internet thing and put their music online. Presumably, using that innovative/gimmicky pricing model we've come to know and expect.
• Heather Mills apparently has recordings of Paul McCartney and his daughter Stella referring to her as a "one-legged bitch." Which kind of makes sense considering (a) she's actively trying to extort McCartney out of his money, (b) only has one leg and (c) was bitchy enough to go around taping her soon-to-be-ex-husband in preparation for the upcoming divorce settlement.
• Paris Hilton has lipstick in her teeth. Yikes! Clearly, this is, like, the most embarrassing thing that's happened to her mouth since Joe Francis.
Apparently, not everyone responded positively to Heather Mills' week of internationally televised angry, psychotic rants. Last week her publicist quit and now her lawyers have dropped her like a bad habit, explaining, "Her bid to win public sympathy could end up with her throwing away millions."
Even worse? As a result of her full-scale PR blitz, Mills is officially more hated than ever. It was truly a disappointing week on many levels. [Mollygood]
Yesterday, former topless model Heather Mills (who is, perhaps, best known for her recent one-legged stint on Dancing With The Stars and her current full-time gig of trying to bleed ex-hubby Paul McCartney dry in the divorce settlement) has accused the British press of launching a "hate campaign" against her.
Surprisingly, her words were not particularly well received by the notoriously ruthless UK tabloids.
"HEATHER Mills wants to be played by Reese Witherspoon in the movie of her life, but she wants an unknown to play Paul McCartney, 65."
Which seems totally fair considering she's the former international superstar from the most popular/successful rock band of all time and he's just some one-legged schlub who married her for her money and tried to screw her in the divorce settlement. Oh, wait… [P6]
• One-legged philanthropist Heather Mills rejects Paul McCartney's paltry $41 million divorce settlement offer, but agrees to put 'all this pettiness aside' for the nominal fee of $102 million.
• In the philosophizing words of Cisco Adler, a pseudo rock star who has very strange-looking genitals, "I tend to find myself dating famous women sometimes. I just write dope songs and [bleep] hot bitches." Such is life.
• Kate Hudson "[bleeps] with the media" by only pretending to date a shirtless comedian, whose nose has never been broken and then pieced back together by a semi-drunk plastic surgeon.
• Steve Martin will finally marry his longtime girlfriend, former New Yorker writer Anne Stringfield, after rationalizing that she's a hell of a lot better than his ex-girlfriend, full-time crazy-person, Anne Heche.
• Network execs opt to show Dancing With The Stars, Deal or No Deal and Two and a Half Men rather than risk alienating advertisers by covering the "deadliest school shooting incident in U.S. history."
• Wall Street Journal wins two Pulitzer Prizes, giving them a 2-0 edge over Hustler magazine.
• MTV greenlights several more "user-generated" reality shows, adheres to its strategy of not playing any music videos whatsoever.
• That slacker Regis Philbin still isn't done recovering from his triple heart bypass surgery.
• Does the press pick presidents? "Yes!" hopes journalist/Ross Perot supporter, Jack Shafer.
• Conrad Black is as underwhelmed by the prosecutors on his case as his wife, Lady Black, is by 'those sluts who call themselves reporters.'
• Claire Danes steals her boyfriend's pantaloons in the newest Gap ad. Kinda like how she once stole Billy Crudup!
• Lindsay Lohan is back off the wagon? Or is it on the wagon? Whatever, the one that means "post-rehab binge-drinking."
• Clay Aiken or hideous German tourist?
• Heather Mills calls 911 to see if they're resuscitate her dying career save her from the paparazzi.
• If this is "Fergilicious," we're gonna have to pass.
• Joe Simpson "left his BlackBerry next to his half-eaten cheeseburger" yesterday. Seriously, how hard is it to finish a cheeseburger?
Feeling nostalgic for the days when you plopped down in front of the tube to see Emmitt Smith trounce Jerry Springer in a the Paso Doble?
Well, it's time to meet the next round of washed-up celebrities-turned-dancers and re-familiarize yourself with the circumstances of their pseudo-fame.
And the new Dancing With The Stars cast-members are…
Laila Ali, Billy Ray Cyrus, Heather Mills, Clyde Drexler, Joey Fatone, Shandi Finnessey, Leeza Gibbons, Paulina Porizkova, Ian Ziering, Vincent Pastore and Apolo Anton Ohno.**
You might recognize Laila Ali as the daughter of boxing great Mohammad, Billy Ray Cyrus as responsible for the most annoying song in creation and Ian Ziering as unattractive hunk "Steve" from Beverly Hills 90210.
But as for Heather Mills—frankly, we're just not sure whether an 80's porn career, quickie marriage to Paul McCartney or losing your fucking mind actually qualifies you as a bona fide former celebrity.
**Names in "bold" for comedic effect.
Editorial Director
