Larry Birkhead, the shark-toothed suitor of Anna Nicole Smith, is best remembered for successfully implanting his sperm into Smith's uterus (despite competing specimens from lawyer Howard K. Stern, Bahamian royalty and the husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor) and for conveniently stepping forward to accept his parental responsibilities just as soon as he realized that the bulk of Smith's multimillion dollar estate was set aside for the care of baby Dannielynn.
And now he's known for something else: Deluding himself into thinking he was Barbara Walter's "10 Most Fascinating Person of 2007."
What crossed my mind…they knew I was walking into a big book party. It just shows you that with these guys it's all just smoke and mirrors. It's all PR and spin. And that's what I write about in my book. So I'm not surprised that they used this opportunity. This is par for the course for these characters
–Rita Cosby, explaining what "crossed her mind" when she was served with a subpoena Wednesday night (at the behest of Howard K. Stern) immediately upon walking into the party for her new book, "Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death."
Earlier:
• Opportunistic Lawyer Sues Opportunistic Author
• Stern's Gay Lawsuit Fury [Queerty]
Howard K. Stern slaps Rita Cosby with a $60 million over allegations in her new book accusing Stern of climbing into bed (both literally and metaphorically) with Anna Nicole Smith's baby daddy, Larry Birkhead. When reached for comment, the always litigious Larry Birkhead exclaimed, "Damn! I can't believe that son of a bitch beat me to it! Guess we all know which bastard's getting an ass-fucking later on tonight." [Queerty]
When asked about Rita Cosby's allegations that he and Howard K. Stern had some sort of "backroom deal" during the Anna Nicole Smith custody hearings, Larry Birkhead replied, "None of it is true…The bottom line is Rita Cosby needed something to do. She got fired [from MSNBC in 2006], and nobody wanted her."*
Fortunately, Stern is certainly no stranger to courtroom drama. In addition to allegedly colluding with Howard K. Stern in the custody fight for Dannielynn, Birkhead has already announced plans to sue his former (and allegedly unpaid) attorney Debra Opri.
Surprisingly, however, Birkhead appears to be having some difficulty finding/retaining new counsel.
*The man does have a point
OK! magazine breaks off its annoying multiple-issue deal with devoted father/publicity whore Larry Birkhead after plummeting sales figures prove nobody else gives a shit rumors surface that he and Howard K. Stern may have some sort of a backroom deal during the Anna Nicole Smith custody proceedings.
• Congratulations to Sanjaya Malakar, on being named Maxim online's "Girl of the Day!" (Bonus points for describing the pony-hawked "singer" as "an androgynous American Idol stowaway."
• Marilyn Manson describes his barely legal girlfriend as his "double," possibly referring to the fact that he's double her age.
• Lindsay Lohan enjoys a moment of complete solitude. And naturally, the hordes of paparazzi—who follow her every waking move—are right there to capture it.
• Also, Lindsay may or may not be a lesbian, depending on your definition of DJ Samantha Ronson.
CONTINUED »
After the courtroom finally recovered from the Emergency PowerBar Incident, the teary-eyed judge awarded custody of Anna Nicole Smith's body to…her infant daughter, Dannielynn.
This afternoon, Judge Larry Seidlin delivered an emotional ruling ordering that the body be released into the custody of Dannielyn's lawyer and legal guardian, and stating that Anna be buried alongside her son, Daniel, in the Bahamas.
The decision has to strike a chord with Howard "The Enabler" K. Stern and Larry Birkhead, delivering the most damaging blow to both men since this morning, when newly leaked footage showed Stern/Birkhead calmly watching as an 8-months pregnant Anna got frisky with her drug dealer doctor.
Watch the verdict and witness the insanity for yourself.
• Jennifer Aniston cleverly waits till Angelina becomes unattractively thin before suddenly becoming ready for a friendship with Brad.
• Hey, remember back when Justin used to have a Brillo-head and then he impulsively shaved it all off? How come nobody gave a shit about that?
• According to Pete Wentz, Ashlee Simpson is either a "creative person" or a "trainwreck." Naturally, we can't imagine which.
• Lindsay Lohan thought of legendary Robert Altman as a "father figure." And considering her own dad's an incarcerated jackass, it almost makes sense that she ditched Altman's funeral to booze with Steve-o.
• In the latest leaked ANS video, Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern sit back and watch as a very-pregnant Anna gets it on with the doc who kept her up to her ears in methadone.
• Donny Wahlberg somehow manages to land two babes in one night, goes out of his way to prove he's "nothing at all" like that Johnny Drama character he inspired on Entourage.
According to CNN, the judge determining the fate of Anna Nicole Smith's corpse has joined the rest of the world in wondering whether Howard K. Stern was pimping out his girlfriend and encouraging her dangerous drug habit.
Anna Nicole Smith's ex-boyfriend testified today that he tried to curb the former centerfold's drug use and the judge referred to her longtime companion, Howard K. Stern, as "maybe an enabler." Judge Larry Seidlin began the sixth day of a hearing to decide the fate of Smith's body with a long diatribe.
And just when we thought things were finally, maybe, getting back to normal, we saw this new "DEVELOPING STORY" (as proclaimed by a giant yellow banner) at the very top of the CNN website:
And…..we're back to crazy again.
As we were putting together today's edition of Whodunit, we couldn't help but be somewhat disturbed by the thinly veiled reference to Howard K. Stern and his recently deceased girlfriend, Anna Nicole Smith, in today's Page Six.
But true or not, the show must go on, and there are two other blind items for you to sink your teeth into. There would've been three items, but Gawker already unmasked the pot-smoking "socialite" alluded to in today's Gatecrasher. (Though, seeing as we went to high school with the girl, we're admittedly far more surprised by the latter update).
Anyway, have it, and see if you can somehow guess the celeb speed freak or, um, the new gay bachelor.**
* WHICH hard-partying celeb takes her escapades well into the next morning? Sources saw her snorting lines at 10 a.m., but the real problem isn’t coke - waitresses at Privilege overheard her demanding “meth” from her friends
* WHICH athletic new reality show contender has a history of giving roses to other male athletes?
* WHICH consort pimped out his girlfriend? He kept her on drugs and collected a fee every time she had sex with yet another man.
* Which annoying socialite will earn a place in the gossip columns if that photo of her with a crack pipe ever makes it onto the blogs?
**Okay, fine. One item.
• Here's video footage of a drugged (and 8 months pregnant) Anna Nicole Smith dressed as a clown. The best part? You can actually hear Howard K. Stern's musings on how best to exploit her.
• And congrats to Anna for getting back in the game. We were starting to think Brit had overtaken her by bringing batshit insane back.
• Did Bridget Moynahan get preggers in a desperate attempt to trap Tom Brady into marriage? Or did Tom immediately dump his girlfriend of two years when she told him there was a bun in the oven?
• Michelle Pfeiffer randomly whines about how there are no good roles for pretty actresses, prompting a confused Charlize Theron, Penelope Cruz and Cate Blanchett to whisper, "Huh? That bitch craaazy."
• A-Listers snub Paris Hilton's bday bash, leaving her to party with a small monkey and army of midgets instead. Seriously.
• Which is just as well, really, seeing as Paris Hilton was worried Kim Kardashian would "steal her thunder."
• Mel Gibson confesses he'd rather be a doctor or a chef than an actor best known for his role in Braveheart and his antisemitic hate-mongering.
• The King of Page Six, Richard Johnson, attributes his gossip super-stardom to marrying a hottie and punching Village Voice columnists in the face.
• The obligatory Anna Nicole Smith update includes the number of meds in her system at the time of death (ten) and reports that her mom abhors Howard K. Stern.
• Vince shows up for Jen's bday bash. Must mean they're doing it again. Or else he wanted to see her new nose.
• Lindsay Lohan proves she's serious about turning her life around by buying the former pad of suicidal pin-up girl Marilyn Monroe.
• Sarah Jessica Parker may not still have her original nose but she definitely hasn't surgically altered those catcher's mitts hands of hers.
CONTINUED »
• Howard Stern's earning $700 million and you can't even afford a subscription to Sirius radio.
• On the heels of their two successful Hollywood feature films, penguins have become an advertiser's "best friend."
• CNN planning a celebration for Larry King's 50th year on the air, Dick Clark's corpse says, "Um, he-llo! I've been doing television since 1929!"
• If we lose the war in Iraq, conservatives say it's the mainstream media's fault.
• Time standing still, despite all that fanfare about "making big changes" this year.
• The secret to pulling off plagiarism is to turn in a "really, really good" fake.
Before you all freak out and tell us how "late" we are on this story, please bear mind that (unlike real news people) we don't work on weekends. So, today's Monday morning follow-up to the Anna Nicole Smith saga focuses on her "marriage." Which is put in quotes because it is a total sham. See, Anna Nicole was feeling pretty down after the death of her son, and after a week or two joy over the birth of daughter started to wear off. And since she may have finally come to the conclusion that drugs are bad, she decided that having a fake wedding might give her a little "pick-me-up."
Due to the fact that this play wedding involved her lawyer/baby daddy Howard K. Stern, she needed her second lawyer, Michael Scott, to clear things up for the press.
"The goal was to exchange vows to reaffirm a commitment they have made to each other. It was also to give them a shot of emotional adrenaline," stated Scott.
In answer to questions as to why the couple did not wait for a full marriage, Scott replied: "I don't think that they had time to wait for a marriage license."
Because when you want that rush, you want it right away. We guess we have to forgive — y'know because she has a dead son and all. But if she starts taking her clothes off at movie awards because it "gives her a rush" we are going to have to draw the line.
• Patricia Dunn and Jeanine Pirro: separated at birth? [ATL]
• As if Anna Nicole Smith didn't have enough drama surrounding her, she decided to marry her baby daddy. [Star]
• Wait, the Olsen Twins were buying food? Beef jerky, Life Savers? Must be for the bodyguards. [Lowdown]
• The nanny is making your Upper East Side kids fat. Because you know it's not the genes. [NYT]
• Most little kids who's parents force them into beauty pageants don't become stars. [AP]
Umm, we apologize in advance to the NYU women's studies professors, but, there should definitely be a law against this this. Anna Nicole Smith is, reportedly, prego for real.
TMZ investigated the rumors of Anna Nicole's baby by interrogating Larry Birkhead, who is said to have contributed to the conception of this poor, poor child.
"I'm not going to deny she's pregnant or that I'm the father," said Birkhead, "I've been asked in the past by [Anna's attorney] Howard K. Stern to deny the rumor." But, after some retaliation from Stern and questions about Anna selling the birth announcement (huh?) Birkhead finally spilled the beans.
Larry Birkhead read Stern's response to TMZ and adds: "I was not going to discuss the matter publicly, but since Howard K. Stern is attempting to bash me… I have been told that I am expecting a child, I have seen the ultrasound and have spoken to doctors. I am very excited about the possibility of becoming a father. Howard needs to get past his own jealousy about the relationship between myself and his only client."
We really hope this picture of her drinking a beer is from, like, five months ago. On the bright side, though, Sean Preston Spears will a friend to egg houses and buy forties of OE with when he turns 12.
Editorial Director
