If you ask Howell Raines, the last time this country saw any decent reporting about the energy industry was in 2003, when Don Barlett and Jim Steele shined a light on Big Oil's back room dealings and the government's complicit role in it for Time. They won two two Pulitzers and two National Magazine Awards for their work. Outside of their reporting, however, all we're ever treated to is the typical "Gas is expensive!" headline, which is sometimes rewritten as "Pain at the pump," "Consumers cut back on holiday travel," and, "Tax rebate cheques go toward filling up the tank."

Blame general assignment reporters and their editors, says Raines, who all too easily go after the "consumer suffering" angle of the story — and not how companies like Chevron, ExxonMobile, and BP are raking in glorious profits while doing little to nothing to actually reduce oil dependency, find alternative energy sources, or exert any energy to driving down gas prices to below $4 a gallon.

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"There is no more important question in American journalism than the future of the Times" argues Howell Raines in a lengthy Portfolio column. Well, maybe, but Raines is a little bias: he used to be the executive editor at that newspaper! Unforch, he already used up all his insider-y anecdotes in a 2004 Atlantic article, which means he's only got the financial well-being of the paper to yammer on about.

Quite clearly, he's not hopeful. Whether it's Rupert Murdoch or some hedge fund guys doing the ruffling, Arthur Sulzberger's feathers are about to catch some wind, says Raines. And what about those restless members of the Sulzberger clan, who have witnessed their investments base-jump into mediocrity in just the past couple years? "An extended family raised to expect that their children would be invulnerably rich across future generations is looking at the prospect of being, by New York standards, sort of rich." And the prospects of peasantry can be quite convincing, especially if (when?) Murdoch pulls his cheque book from his jacket pocket. [NYO]

RAINES REIGNS AGAIN Buried inside Howard Kurtz's column is news that former Times chief and current civil war manuscript drafter Howell Raines makes his grand return to journalism in Portfolio. As media critic. [WaPo]

Witness: The "new non-fiction" section at the Barnes & Noble in Union Square. What's precariously absent from this photo (taken on Tuesday)? You guessed it: Howell Raines' The One That Got Away, which came out on Tuesday. After the jump, more evidence that once you leave the New York Times, people stop caring.

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Who doesn't have a book called The One That Got Away? Jeff Bercovici puts the fun back in our Fridays by playing a little mix and match the titles with the passages of five books which all share the name of Howell Raines' book.

We narrowed it down to two for you … mostly because we are too lazy to copy and paste Jeff's entire article (plagiarizing was so last week) and because as a rule we give Times writers little to no credit.

So, can you guess which of these passages belongs to former Times editor Howell Raines and which goes to the honorable Francine Pascal, of the Sweet Valley High series? It's not easy, folks.

"What I wish I could make you feel … is the velocity that lived in my tiny legs that day, that released itself into wings on my heels and into a miraculous burgeoning burn of pure acceleration. I ran so fast that nothing could touch me, not fear, not failure, nor any kind of doom. I ran encased in a bubble of pure triumph, a halo of impenetrable good luck."

"He swallowed hard and looked down at his soggy sneakers. 'What I'm trying to say is…' He paused. He hated doing this in front of all of them, but he knew if he didn't do it right now, he might never get another chance. 'Ever since I met you, I knew I had to be with you.'"

If you're feeling frisky, you can leave your guess as a comment … or just cheat and get the answers from WWD.

The One, but Not the Only [Jeff Bercovici, WWD]

Philip Weiss' harangue dedicated to ex-NYTer Howell Raines in this week's New York is, of course, tied to the release of Raines' memoir, The One that Got Away — which, we're excited to tell you, hits bookstores today! Prepare your Barnes & Noble experience to include shelves stocked with parallels between fishermen, journalists, and politicians, with a modicum of mention regarding the Jayson Blair scandal.

While we have little to no interest in actually flipping through the pages of a book made turgid by a big fish on the cover, we are interested in what people who did read the book have to say. So we turned to Amazon.com where, to our surprise, there are just two reviews online: a four-star and a five-star. Sure, it doesn't have the suspicious one-star and five-star mix a la, say, Ana Marie Cox, but two glowing reviews? From "beautifully captures the struggle between man and nature" to "at times very funny and at times politically incisive," it just doesn't make sense Howell's book is still hasn't broken through the top 8,500 books on Amazon.

The One that Got Away : A Memoir [Amazon]
Earlier: The Irony, Of Course, Will Be That It Lands On the NYT Best Seller List

We don't know what the hell is going on, but there is almost nothing in this week's New York about Brooklyn. WTF? was our response exactly, which is why we passed off the job of scrolling through this somewhat disturbing issue of our city's semi-holy grail to Intern Zack. From Elvis terrorist theorists to a clan that makes the Mason family look like the Cosbys, we are sure Zack will be having nightmares of celibacy and David Bowie for weeks to come.

• Yep, Howell Raines' book is still about fishing. Hasn't the fishing as metaphor for life been written about already? [Fishing With Howell]

• The Hasidic Jews in Williamsburg are ready to go to war for their turf. And when they're done with that, they're taking out all the hipsters. God bless. [Hats On, Gloves Off]

• David Bowie admits to sneaking into movie after movie. We thought there was some kind of law that Bowie had to be cooler than the average person, not more lame than your little brother. [The Dad Who Fell to Earth]

• Leave it to New York magazine to present us with Scott Walker hallucinations of Elvis the 9/11 hijacker. [Elvis Dreams of 9/11]

• Check it out. The Opus Dei headquarters in midtown is where the party's really at. If your definition of "party" is a sex free sing-a-long. [Celibate and Lovin’ It]

• Introducing the most fucked up family in America — next to that family who beat their kid up on Primetime. Note that Robert Kissel is wearing an NYU shirt. Coincidence? [Kissels Of Death]

Table of Contents [New York]

Not much Jayson Blair. And not a whole lot of Judith Miller, either. With just two chapters devoted to his ousting at the New York Times, we figured former exec editor Howell Raines' upcoming memoir The One That Got Away (released May 2) would be just another snoozer about fly fishing. And, generally, that's pretty accurate. Except when he does talk about Jayson Blair.

Raines offers a couple of amusing anecdotes involving family members during this difficult period. He quotes his son Ben, the Mobile Register reporter, asking over the phone: “Dad, is Jayson Blair a dwarf?” Raines says he responded, “Jayson is very short, but he’s not a dwarf, at least not a physical dwarf.”

He also recalls the advice of his wife Krystyna before the fabled showdown meeting with Times staffers in a New York theater: “Remember, your job for the next two hours is to resist every impulse to tell them to go fuck themselves.”

Some marry for love, others marry for career advice.

Preview of New Howell Raines Book: Blair Takes Back Seat [Greg Mitchell, E&P]

• Fine, we admit it. Gossiping about gossip is more fun that gossiping about random boldfaced names. [NYT]

• E-mails talking about Jew-shame and other such touchy subjects should always be sent from personal accounts. [NYO]

• The "real JT LeRoy story" is getting "real old." [FBNY]

• Shake-ups on the publishing side of things over at Conde Nast. Four Times Sq. and their lack of gossip-worthy gossip of late is truly becoming a disappointment. [WWD]

• Howell Raines' new book of memoirs is shaping up to be 300 pages about fishing. It may be totally boring, but at least it will be totally true. Kind of hard to lie about bass fishing. [WaPo]

• Michael Jackson has a creative way to fill in the missing A-listers from his charity single: record songs with people who have no choice, like kids Prince Michael, Paris, and "Blanket." [NYP]

• Joan Rivers doesn't read blogs — or wear clogs. [Queerty]

• At least one pink blogger is "making it," proving Us Weekly isn't the only one who can earn a buck showing stars are just like us. [NYT]

• Kate Hudson doesn't like it when you call her too fat, or too skinny. She'd rather you not talk about her weight or eating habits at all, unless you get off on getting sued. [Reuters]

• She supposedly spent the weekend getting married to Arun Nayar, but Liz Hurley also watched Estee Lauder dump her 10-year fragrance face contract in favor of Gwyneth Paltrow. [Evening Standard]

• What's better than ex-NYT exec editor Howell Raines' ex writing a tell all? Having her title it Touched By Ink-Stained Hands. [Page Six]

• The sample sale of all sample sales, 7th on Sale, is coming to the masses after nearly a decade hiatus. Even the common folk will be able to get their hands on cheap couture thanks to open auctions on eBay. [News & Observer]

• The only rag that didn't credit ELLEgirl when they practically stole shots of Nicole Richie at the mag's photo shoot? Star, natch. [WWD]