After paying an estimated $1.3 million for photos of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz's wedding, People magazine won't risk any opportunity to turn their investment into a web traffic boon.

Meanwhile, while Joe Simpson turned his youngest daughter's nuptials in a press spectacle, one other starlet managed to exchange vows under the radar: Jessica Alba, with Cash Warren, in a shotgun wedding. Perhaps it helped that nobody else was at the ceremony, and rather than wearing white, Alba chose "a long blue dress and her hair back in a ponytail."

Following yesterday's news of People paying an estimated $1.3 million for Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz's pics from tomorrow's wedding comes news that Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves are already shopping around their offspring to the highest bidder. [TMZ] They've enlisted "brand agent" Todd Shemarya, who was behind similar deals for Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie and Christina Aguilera, and already there's interest from at least three magazines with a price over $1 million. We're guessing it's People, OK!, and Us Weekly in the running, leaving the only question remaining: Will McConaughey hold the baby with or without his shirt on?

Like she did with her divorce from Donald Trump, Ivana Trump knows not to leave any business opportunity unexplored. So when she wed singer Rossano Rubicondi over the weekend at her ex-husband's Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach, she also cashed in — selling her wedding pictures to Getty Images for a whopping $600,000. How the photo giant will break even on the deal, let alone turn a profit, confounds us (is Ivana demand that much higher than we've guessed?). But it's the behind-the-behind-the-scenes deal that's more telling: Rubicondi demanded to get half of that fee in his name. Not that Ivana let that happen, exactly.

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Might Halle Berry's baby girl Nahla still be unseen nearly a month after her birth because … Halle doesn't want to sell the pics? That's the word we're hearing from inside Tabloidville. We're told Berry's reps aren't accepting the phone calls of some very interested editors, leading us to believe either: 1) Nahla has some birth defect, which would be sad and depressing, but also less saleable; or 2) We're looking at a rare example of a Hollywood mom who isn't willing to whore out her spawn to pay for the new home theatre.

It's been nearly a month since Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry birthed Nahla, and nobody's seen the little girl yet. Um … what gives?

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Score one for a lady with no actual career! Nicole Richie's baby photos in People are selling better than Christina Aguilera's, with the tabloid on target to move 1.8 million copies of Harlow Madden.

Meanwhile, Larry Hackett & Co. paid upwards of $2 million for Xtina's pics and sold 1.3 million copies, losing money on the issue; Nicole's are said to have cost half that with a full half million more issues moving.

So what the reverse fiscal smarts?

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Christina Aguilera could give a crap that People magazine, which paid $1.5 million for exclusive rights to her baby photos, actually lost money on the transaction when newsstand sales didn't spike enough. She wanted more cash, friends, and has little tolerance for the fact that, you know, she and her offspring are not as saleable as other celebrities' babies, like Anna Nicole or J. Lo. Which is why she's firing everyone around her.

Gone are her reps at PR giant BWR, her day-to-day manager, and one of her assistants. "She went crazy and had a massive tantrum. It was astonishing. She was absolutely furious and blamed her staff for the way everything had been handled."

Wait, so is that what postpartum depression looks like?

Between Christina Aguilera's $2 million baby photos and Jennifer Lopez's rumored $6 million payday for her twins ($3m a piece?), it was easy to miss another outrageous photo exclusive deal. Though to be fair, it did happen across the pond.

In the U.K., where kicking a round ball earns you fame and fortune, footballer Wayne Rooney and shopaholic Coleen McLoughlin secured a £2.5 million ($3.67 million) cheque for exclusive rights to their summer wedding in Italy.

By comparison, in 1999 OK! paid David and Victoria Beckham a measly £1 million ($1.45 million) for their wedding photos, but then got trumped by The Sun newspaper, which published five unauthorized photos before the magazine. Liz Hurley and Arun Nayar were paid an estimated £2 million by Hello!. The American OK!, meanwhile, is said to have paid $2 million for Eva Longoria and Tony Parker's wedding photos.

So how come Wayne and Coleen are commanding top dollar?

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We’re a long way off from having a child, but Christina Aguirela’s windfall from the birth of her son Max got us thinking. Babies are expensive. So when our little bundle of joy comes into the world, why not set up a PayPal account for friends and family to see pictures of him? There’s no reason to wait until little league to project our needs and insecurities onto an innocent child.

Unfortunately, this isn’t a great business model. People lost money on the Christina Aguilera spread. The magazine paid an estimated $1.5 million (though some say $2 million) for the exclusive U.S. rights to the pics, and sales have been tepid at best. Unless People sells 200,000 copies in the next few days, they’ll end up $1.1 mil short of their initial return on investment.

People says they’d “do the deal again in a minute.” Even they lose money off of this issue, they see the cover shoot as part of their overall strategy “to reaffirm that People is the place for major life events of A-list celebrities." [Christina Aguilera is A-list?-Ed.]

That’s all well and good for Jennifer Lopez, whose babies/payday should come through soon. People is ready to spend up to an estimated $6 million for those little gifts from God.

But about what regular people who aren’t famous at all? Our PayPal plan is totally f’ed, and not in a good way.

Well done, Max. Once again, you've ruined everything.

People magazine is reportedly ready to spend $4 to $6 million for the first shots of Jennifer Lopez’s twins. That would make each baby worth about $2 to $3 million, less than Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, who went for four, but likely more than baby Max, Christina Aguilera’s son who sold for an estimated $1.5 or 2 mil.

On one hand, these babies are getting an early introduction into what their lives as celeb-spawn will be like. On the other hand, this industry is totally bizarre and twisted. And ultimately babies are too young for judgment, so what's the point?

People paid $2 million for the right to slap Christina Aguilera's baby, Max, on its cover. But that sum was for U.S. rights only; in the U.K., Hello! magazine got its own photoshoot. The issue, which hits European newsstands on Feb. 19, includes 13 pages of the new mama at home with her spawn. You'll even get a peak at his nursery, where publicists are encouraged to send gifts.