Oh that liberal elite media and its terrible sense of humor! Everyone needs to get their heads checked, because Stephen Baldwin was simply making a hilarious joke when he said he would leave the country if Barack Obama became president. According to our least favorite Baldwin brother, "The liberal Democrats who didn't get that I was joking need to lighten up." Here's a thought, Steve-O: Perhaps everyone knew you were joking but, deep down, secretly hoped that you were serious and would pack your bags after Nov. 4.
Aha-ha. Not that any of you keep abreast of the goings-on in Tennessee's dailies, but The Murfreesboro Post had quite the kerfuffle on their hands when a La Vergne principal, Stephen Lewis, wrote one of his "humor columns" filled with "humor jokes" about Barack Obama's election as president.
Which would have been fine, if the "satiric" post hadn't been filled with such mind-boggling racist caricatures and archetypes that you wonder if Lewis likes to dress up in blackface on Halloween.
Let's just say the entire column was just revised words to the Jefferson's theme song, such as:
“Well we’re movin’ on up,
To Washington, D.C.
To a deee-luxe pimp pad,
Painted whiiiite.
Yeah we’re movin’ on up,
To the White House.
I’ll be jetting with P. Diddy cross the sky.
Awesome. Someone misinterpreted Robert Downey Jr.'s role in Tropic Thunder, hmm?
So after this news got out on blogs and what not, Principal Lewis was forced to make an apology to his students and their parents, several of which you imagine to be African-American themselves. ::Pulls collar:: Is it getting hot in here guys?
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Ooooooh BURN! Sarah Palin, the gun-toting ice bride who as of late has been calling Barack Obama "Barack the Wealth Spreader," seems to have forgotten that the policies of the Ice Planet Hoth, over which she governs, are rife with the very same socialistic practices she claims to hate soooooo much.
This from elitist Kuran The New Yorker:
Elisabeth Hasselbeck was invited to introduce Sarah Palin at Florida rallies over the weekend, presumably because the McCain camp knows Lissy is the best attack dog available who still believes the nonsense the right wing has been spewing. This time around she defended Palin's wardrobe, saying it doesn't matter how much money she spends as long as she wears that tiny flag pin, the sign of a good president or vice president. This was an obvious dig at Barack Obama, who is clearly a terrorist who wants to blow up America because he chose not to wear the flag pin. Genius, this lady. The most laughable aspect of this is Elisabeth's hypocrisy, claiming that Democrats refuse to focus on the REAL ISSUES when day after day she sits on The View and spews that Bill Ayers/terrorist agenda.
The View was awesome yet again this morning, thanks partly to Elisabeth waking up on the wrong side of the bed and also because of Whoopi's absence. Poor Barbara Walters had to mediate between Joy and Elisabeth, which was ineffective and led to one of the more intense shouting matches we've seen as of late:
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Here we go again! Tucker Carlson has yet another wrong opinion about something! We thought this shit was over after Jon Stewart made a fool out of him and his bow tie and got his show canceled. And if not then, then definitely after he made a fool out of himself on a dancing show and viewers canceled him. But no. Tucker somehow finagled hisself a real-live column over at The Daily Beast, and he's using it just as poorly as he's used every other opportunity in his privileged life.
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Conservatives are scared to be themselves in Hollywood, America. Shockingly, the city by the sea, a liberal den of drugs, booze, loose women, Jews, gays and Will Smith, SHUNS YOU if you're Republican.
Why are you doing this to Kelsey Grammer, haters!? Is it because his Republican party famously slashes with glee funding for both the NEA and PBS? Is it because conservative groups like the Parents Television Council do their best to censor the hard work of writers, producers and actors? NO!!!! It's because Republicans are different, and liberals hate anyone different from them.
After the jump, let's listen to some famous conservatives moan about not being invited to join in any of the reindeer games.
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Here's something new: A clip of Sarah Palin looking like an uninformed twit as she is asked fairly basic questions about politics. This scenario was brought up Tuesday, when we said Sarah couldn't name any Supreme Court cases, but the video shows she just can't name any with which she disagrees. Minor difference, but you know she couldn't even name a single one if she tried. Hell, she couldn't even name a newspaper when asked.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I watch The View morning after morning in hopes of witnessing something amazing. Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the moron who gives Republicans everywhere a bad name, had a minor meltdown during the show's first segment today. She was so beyond help that not even Barbara Walters came to her rescue. The topic, of course, was the idiocy of Sarah Palin, which turned into another session of Elisabeth spouting off nonsensical remarks to defend her beloved McCain/Palin ticket. After Barbara correctly likened Palin's preparation for the debate to a high school student cramming for an exam, Elisabeth became extremely angry, which is when this happened (inciting a round of boos from the audience):
Surprise! This one has nothing to do with John McCain or Sarah Palin or reading or believing women should have their rapist's babies. This post is purely about the idiocy of Fox News and how badly every ding dong in that place's employ understands satire and common decency.
Magical tool David Blaine is pulling every excuse out of thin air for his failed stunt Wednesday night. First it was George W. Bush's fault (well, everything is, really). Now it's Mother Nature's fault, because she had the audacity to ruin his plans for "the most amazing ending for a stunt ever" (his words, not ours) with high winds.
Um, what the hell just happened? No, seriously. I have never been more confused and at a loss for words than I am at this very moment.
I chose to witness the David Blaine Dive of Death from the comfort of my living room instead of trekking over to Central Park to hang out with Crazy Jennifer. The ABC special lasted over two hours — packed with filler and the host's false claims that David had stayed in an upside-down position for 60 hours — and Blaine still couldn't complete his stunt in time. He performed some of his world-famous card tricks, he caught a bullet in (a metal cup in) his mouth, and then he performed the Dive of Death. This DoD was never fully explained, so the DB-hating roommate and I just sat staring at the screen in utter confusion as he dove from a 44-foot-high platform while attached to a harness. He got stuck about halfway down and then was lifted back into the air. This is where things got really weird: The production crew flickered the lights on and off a few times and then cut away from David in the air, claiming he "vanished into the night." And … credits.
Oh, Lynne Spears. Watching you on The Today Show trying to justify how badly you screwed up in raising Britney was one of the most entertaining things we've seen in quite some time.
The paparazzi have been having a tough go at it lately when it comes to celebrities in airports: First was the epic fight with Kanye West, and now the photogs have been duped by a Jamie Lynn Spears decoy. Just a note: If a Spears outsmarts you, you know it's time to pack it up and call it a day.
Hey, Meghan McCain, before going on national television and saying things like "No one knows what war is like other than my family—period," here's some stuff you should have considered.
We've come to the conclusions that the Lohan family can't survive without being involved in some sort of public feud. The latest was with America's hero, Anderson Cooper, but this time they're keeping it inside the family and battling father Michael Lohan. Oh boy.
Upon news that Lindsay's girlfriend Samantha Ronson plans to write a tell-all, Michael went into a tirade accusing Sam of using LiLo for fame. Mike's not so self-aware, is he? In response, Lindsay pulled her dad aside and had a mature talk about how his actions hurt her. Just kidding, she went to Access Hollywood to announce that her father is "out of control."
So now it's Samantha's turn, and she unleashed her anger via MySpace, Brooke Hogan-style.
We all know violent sexpot New York has no respect for herself – really, how could she? – but had you any idea how little she cares for the feelings of others?
In the newest episode of televised pockmark New York Goes to Hollywood, Pollard attempts to research Japanese culture for an upcoming commercial role. Of course, she goes about this not by heading to the library for The Book of Five Rings or scouring Wikipedia, but by asking every Asian person she sees if they can explain Japan.
Five days, people, and the long-awaited, understandably mocked Lynne Spears memoir, Through the Storm, will be upon us.
The cover photo finds Spears staring pensively out of a window, thinking on some unknown turbulence, surely considering how her daughters’ money will help her carry on. And the tome’s content is just as ridiculous.
Goddamn, The South! Y'know, we really do try to cut you some slack – seriously, we do – but you just make detesting you so easy sometimes.
During a July 30 interview on talking face Glenn Beck's radio broadcast, Toby Keith, Oklahoman and the musical genius behind the hit pro-lynching anthem "Beer for My Horses," told Beck that he thinks Barack Obama is highly successful with black Americans because "he don't talk, act or carry himself like a black person." Keith then added that he thinks "black society" views Obama as a "Caucasian." HE SAID THIS ON LIVE RADIO WITHOUT ANY SHAME! (Listen for yourself up above.)
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