Jack Jordan, the creepy fella who made Uma Thurman almost cry on the witness stand, has been found guilty of stalking and harassing the star after just a day's jury deliberations. On Friday, he told the court, "I think it was a clumsy and poor way of expressing my emotions for her. I had a longing for her. In retrospect, suicide [which he once threatened via email to Thurman's father] is a serious thing." He faces up to a year behind bars, where only a Netflix subscription can put him close to his true love.