Welp, with Prince of Persia, you’ve done it again, Hollywood! You’ve toyed with history in order to cast a very white person in a heroic role probably more suited for a person of color, just so that other white people will be comfortable spending their money to see it.
Unfortunately for Ryan Phillippe, he's got the movie Stop-Loss to promote, which means he has to speak to the press. Thus, his telling USA Today that "it's bizarre" seeing ex-wife Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal together in magazine photos.
So just think how Reese Witherspoon feels about this Details magazine spread of Abbie Cornish — which manages to mention Phillippe's name only once, and only as her co-star. Publicists have all the power.
• Rumer Willis is denied at the cool kid Hollywood club.
• Jessica Alba took advantage of her last days with a good body by doing a spread for Latina magazine.
• Jake Gyllenhaal dumped Kirsten Dunst for her partying, or so is the digest version of the complexities of human relationships as described by Us Weekly.
• Britney Spears gets out of a car, chaos ensues.
• Subway kitty lives! Oh, how the feline spirit enlivens the human one.
According to a friend of Jake Gyllenhaal, the actor is taking the death of Heath Ledger “harder than most people."
Yeah, Wes Bentley—you remember him, the guy from American Beauty—who released a rare public statement about Ledger, knows nothing of grief. He’s just taking it like most people would. Gyllenhaal is actually taking it harder than that.
• According to a celebrity assistant, Michelle Williams wanted full custody of li'l Matilda.
• Paris Hilton's travel clothes are worse than ours.
• Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are still candooling. It's easy to be in love without a career to worry about.
• Thoughts on the nominees for best animated short film, the Achilles' Heel of any Oscar pool entry.
• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are back. Or back getting photographed together. You know, six of one, half dozen of the other.
• Jenna Jameson is still around, though we can't remember if she's back doing porn or back boycotting it.
• We forgive the Shins for the "changing over lives" since they recently sold songs for Zune and iPhone ads. Way to stick it to the man by selling out to him.
• Despite mountains of forensic evidence, O.J. Simpson pleads not guilty. Deja vu anyone?
• The Olsen twins business savvy goes beyond direct to rental videos. The asking price for their West Village condo is nearly triple what they originally bought it for. Meanwhile, our rent only increased $45 a month this year.
• Jake Gyllenhaal will star in a Joe Namath biopic. Reenacting the panty hose ad will surely squash any rumors about his sexuality.
• French Tennis player Richard Gasquet insists he's not gay, even when nobody is asking.
• Miss Puerto Rico proves the real way to win a beauty pageant these days is to stage a controversy and appear on the Today Show.
• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal grab breakfast together, presumably after a long night of passionate lovemaking.
• Paris Hilton sues Hallmark for using her face to sell "Happy One Night Stand" cards.
• Now we finally know why Christina Ricci is so nocturnal.
• Is everyone else sick of admiring Elizabeth Hurley's cleavage? Apparently not.
• Shaquille O'Neal's wife wants half of everything her hubby owns, right down to his giant collection of size 24 Reebok sneakers and the $10 royalties from Kazaam.
• Heidi Klum shares the heartwarming story of how she fell in love at first sight…with Seal's tightly spandexed package. Awww, that totally explains why their lovenest is plastered with naked family portraits!
• In light of their new movie's disastrous box office showing, Reese and Jake are officially back "together."
• Steve Martin is writing a book for children. Also of note: "Children" is Martin's all-inclusive word for non-New Yorker subscribers.
• Larry Craig is reportedly using campaign donations to foot his legal bills. Naturally, constituents are outraged! But mainly over the whole "closeted gay" thing.
• It turns out this isn't even the first time Ellen DeGeneres regifted a stray dog. She's reportedly been peddling those second-hand bitches all over town!
• If you had to make out with one of these two Kid Rocks, which would you choose? (And no fair saying "assisted suicide.")
• Young urban black communities continue to ignore the risks of smoking in favor of the allure of nicotine.
• Jake Gylennhaal tries to pull a Larry Craig, gets confused and ends up in a women's lavatory with Susan Sarandon instead.
In this evocative sit-down with Jake Gyllenhaal, Meredith Vieira, the veteran journo (and former View cohost) reminds us all of the on-air savvy, eloquence and reporting expertise that recently enabled her to rocket past Katie Couric on Forbes‘ annual ranking of the World’s Most Powerful Women.
MV: Talk about movies with a heart: Brokeback Mountain. Did you have any idea when you were making that what you were sitting on, so to speak? So to speak - I probably shouldn’t use that term, actually. I apologize.
JG: Wow! Uh -
MV: You make this movie and - wow - I’m sorry…
JG: Very well put, Meredith.
Our thoughts exactly, Jake.
• Lindsay Lohan goes shopping with her new boyfriend, Riley Giles. Which is to say they both go to the same stores while being very careful to remain 20 paces apart at all time. Possibly because Riley is wearing the most heinous shirt ever.
• Those of you having trouble deciding what to be for Halloween may want to consider the modern-day equivalent of The Stepford Wife.
• Joaquin Phoenix doesn't think actors deserve "some special credit" for researching their roles. ("It’s just what you’re supposed to do in your [bleep]ing job.") He also, presumably, hates people who refers to acting as their "craft."
• The Black Eyed Peas canceled a concert mid-performance after Fergie fell ill on stage, much to the disappointment of the 10,000 fans who'd come out to boo her.
• Reese Witherspoon tells Jake Gyllenhaal, "it's probably better if [we] don't talk at all." Which is different from when they were "dating," how?
• Matthew McConaughey runs like a girl.
• Orthopedic shoes are the new Manolos!
• Elizabeth Hurley may have dumped Hugh Grant years ago, but she's still hanging out with a couple of boobs.
• Marc Jacobs threatens to move his show to Paris, where nobody cares if he arrives 2 hours late and unshowered.
• Tyra Banks doesn't look "fierce" so much as she appears to be saying "Look, here's my vagina."
• Paris Hilton flashes some nipple on the pages of German GQ, then finds out her precious teddy bear tested positive for Herpes…type two.
• Gays aren't buying rumors that a secretly gay Jake Gyllenhaal has an illegitimate lovechild. When reached for comment, a flaming homosexual replied, "Secretly gay? Puh-leeze. That's wild"
• You’re mom is right, you could lose some weight. New York comes in as the 38th fattest state.
• "Careful, Ashley, stop!" they cried. But it was too late, and Ashely went over the side.
• CNBC anchor Erin Burnett becomes Daily Show fodder. And finds out that the Money Honey hates her. Presumably, because she's hotter.
• The iPhone hacker proves he has lots of brainpower by working 800 hours straight. Not even stopping to shower.
• Backstreet Boys: Are they too cool for school? Or just a bunch of washed-up no-talent fools?
• Naomi Campbell gets naked for the sake of art. Assuming "art" is broadly defined as "lying on a bed of rotten fruit."
• Miss South Carolina goes on the Today show to explain how she entered a pageant comprised of large-chested blond girls and left with the undisputed title as "the dumb one." (Highlight: After Ann Curry lobs a couple of softballs, Matt Lauer interjects with, "At what point, Caitlyn, during the answer did you start to think to yourself, 'is this making any sense?' Oh, snap!)
• Rumors of Owen Wilson's possible suicide attempt are still…unconfirmed.
• Meanwhile, in the wake of Wilson's hospitalization, paparazzi fall all over themselves to get these exclusive shots of his ex, Kate Hudson, crying internally while holding a Starbucks coffee cup.
• The top-secret child abuse allegations against Britney Spears mysteriously end up in documents filed b K-Fed's lawyers just 24 hours later. Bizarre!
• Donna Martin graduates…to a coveted spot on still-running ABC trainwreck, Dancing With The Stars.
• Even without a hottie ombudsman, ABC news admits it kind of effed up by interviewing Allawi lobbyist, Phillip Zelikow
• Yankees clubhouse accidentally-on-purpose promotes gang violence.
• Rumor (still) has it that Jake Gyllenhaal's been doing a lot of "rehearsing" for Brokeback Mountain 2. You know, when he's not going on shirtless bike ride with his totally heterosexual friends.
• Hendrik Hertzberg loses his blogging v-card. As expected, the first time could best be described as "awkward and underwhelming."
• Crazy old lady celebrates her 100th birthday by lighting up her 170,000th cigarette.
As we write this, we’re looking out the window and salivating over the picture perfect weather outside, currently being wasted on lazy unemployed persons and pretentious NYU students. And so, for your sanity and ours, we’ve decided to kick off a glorious new feature called “Comment of the Day,” to provide a transient glimmer of entertainment for all you working stiffs who would much rather be downing margaritas poolside on the Jersey Shore (while fending off advances from married, guidos named Tony) than slaving away in your cubicles.
Today’s “Comment of the Day” comes to us from dlisted, and pertains to Jake Gyllenhaal's developing "relationship" with Reese Witherspoon, specifically the speculation that perhaps Gyllenhaal is less of a ladies' man, and more of a "guy who sleeps with other guys."
I don't know if Jake is gay or not, but Jake is absolutely adorable. What woman wouldn't want to hang out with him? When I lived in Brentwood, TN, my hairdresser (a gay guy) was one of my best friends. While my hair was processing we would curl up on a couch together at his salon, he would put his head on my shoulder and look at magazines with me.
When he saw a cute male model or actor, he would say, "I wouldn't kick that guy out of my bed for eating crackers in it." AHAHAHA! Gosh, I miss him. He really was one of my best "girlfriends!" (And he was drop-dead gorgeous and could sing like nobody's business…he was lead singer in a hot local band.) –Whisper
Thanks for that, Whisper! You went a little off topic there, but we totally didn't mind. Anyways, hope that whole musical thing takes off for your friend TH. A gay hairstylist?? Who'd have thought?!
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony splitting? So soon after she referred to her husband by both first and last name on American Idol? Well, the item IS from OK!, so let's not start doing something crazy like buying her new Spanish album.
• Naomi Campbell manages to show up for community service, but not her own reality show.
• Jake Gyllenhaal and Austin Nichols should just move in together already.
• Lindsay Lohan's mother is every bit as irresponsible as you've come to expect her to be.
• Post-Jennifer, Vince Vaughn isn't doing so well.
• Kelis is pissing off the gays. And NOBODY pisses off the gays.
• Beyonce and Jay-Z table hopped at Waverly Inn so they won't be oogled at. At the Waverly. WHERE YOU GO TO BE OOGLED.
• Haikus about Larry Birkhead? Start counting your syllables.
I had previously admired Jake Gyllenhaal, but after reading the interview with him in your Feburary issue, my opinion has changed. For him to say, "And sometimes what I actually love to do is go to a farm and get fresh milk or watch a pig get slaughtered" is appalling. I will never spend money for another one of his films.
— Roslyn Krause of West Hollywood, California, in the April GQ's letters section
• In surprising posthumous news…Anna Nicole Smith may or may not have mothered—and, presumably, abandoned—a mysterious Native American lovechild.
• And speaking of death, despite (apparently) false reports claiming that she'd kicked the bucket, it would appear that Winona Ryder will live to shoplift another day.
• A timeline of Elisabeth Hasselbeck's televised waterworks!. Crazy coincidence: Hasselbeck's emotionally-powered performances seem to occur approximately once a month…
• Madonna's former nanny to write a tell-all! But is there really anything about Madge that we don't already know? (Who cares, you know the gays will read it.)
CONTINUED »
While the gays were treated to a Brokeback Mountain-slash-Dreamgirls send-off during this weekend's Saturday Night Live, we're told a skit that the homo-inclined audience would've enjoyed much more never got off the ground.
As any casual Jake Gyllenhaal fan knows, he spends a lot of time with Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey. And Spandex. A SNL insider tells us cast members had been hoping to do a skit that featured Gyllenhaal cycling with his two "special friends" — but Jake quietly put the skit to bed without much argument. "He just didn't want to do it," tattles our source. "Part of it was that he thought it was lame, and probably felt a little uncomfortable. The other part had to do with the writing being unfunny."
In the end, however, Jake's Chelsea audience had to settle for him wearing his boyfriend's coat on TV to express his true love. Or at least they had to settle for speculation thereof.
Editorial Director
