• "No fair!" whined a totally jealous Ashley Olsen. "If Mary-Kate gets to suck face with a 63 year-old bald guy, then so do I!" Unfortunately, repeated calls (and "9-1-1" text-messages) to Telly Savalas went unanswered.

• There's an old expression that goes "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Which still doesn't explain why Sienna Miller invited her new leading man over to her London flat for a romantic homemade dinner of….beef stew.

• Tom Cruise out for a stroll with his identical hair-twin/wife.

• Jesse Metcalfe has dreams of becoming "the next James Blunt." Which is to say, a lanky, shaggy-haired doofus who inexplicably bangs much-hotter chicks. Hey, you know, we can actually kind of see it.

&bulll; This one goes out to the ones who love "Pamela [Anderson] and her deformed funbags."

• 50 Cent gets arrested "for being an asshole" in some proximity of Radar's NYC office. Staffers proceed to turn into celeb hunting paparazzi before our eyes. [Radar]

• Shakira wanted to be a serious musician, but then no one took her seriously. So then she took to being a singing stripper. [NYDN]

• The Scissor Sisters versus the guy from Pink Floyd? That's a catfight we'd buy front row tickets for. [NME]

• It seems the only people who don’t find James Blunt annoying are the soccer moms who buy his album while their kids are in school. [Yahoo]

• Bob Dylan is getting a little senile. That, or the acid finally started melting parts of his brain off. [MSNBC]

• Really? We’d have thought that Jennifer Lopez would have been able to play an alcoholic psycopath pretty well. [E!]

• Man, if we studied Tupac Shakur in high school, we’d have so gone to class more often. [Much Music]

• Just think, Usher buys condoms in the wee hours of the morning at Duane Reade. Just like us! Er … just like you! [Page Six]

• What’s just as annoying as stepping in dog shit and hangovers? Why, James Blunt of course. [AOL]

• The funny thing is, we’d much rather read Taylor Hicks’ memoirs than anything Ann Coulter spews. [UPI]

• Mariah Carey acts uncharacteristically docile at a fund-raiser. However, this doesn't stop her from dressing like a high-class courtesan. [Page Six]

• Oh Lord no. The memoir bug bites Courtney Love. Let's all hope she'll plagiarize the story, too — the truth may be too hard to handle. [MTV]

• James Blunt's music is so aggravating that it actually gets him banned from radio stations. Lucky Brits. [Yahoo]

• David Bowie stuns his devoted fans by making a surprise appearance in London. Even more stunning, he chooses to perform songs that he had absolutely nothing to do with. [NME]