9 to 5 is that gloriously 80s comedy about office sexism and women getting even. Dolly Parton sang the titular song and starred in the film with Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin. It was so the definitive film for women's rights and fighting "the man" against misogyny. It was like the sassy anti-Neil LaBute of its time.

But like all good things in the 80s, 9 to 5 went through a horribly corruptible nostaliafying process when someone figured that theater ticket sales needed a kitsch boost. Voila, 9 to 5: The Musical. And even though Dolly wrote the songs for the production, neither she nor Tomlin nor Fonda were performing in the stage version. That is, until some set hijinx forced the busty songstress onto the stage for an impromptu sing-along:

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Today on Today, Jane Fonda used a euphemism for vagina that is too terrible to reprint here. Meredith Viera quickly apologized for offending any viewers and then cheerifully told us about their next segment, "secrets to making your love last."

Here's our suggestion: Integrating words that the FCC disapproves of in the bedroom.

Today, the New York Times again tackles their favorite subject — the gym. Can you pick somebody up at the gym? Some say no. Unlike the Jane Fonda thong and Jon Travolta crotch huggers gym days of the 80's, today's gym members are chubbier, older, and too stressed out to have a sex drive.

But, others are more optimistic about meeting their dream guy or gal on the rowing machine. Hey, it happened to Miranda Hobbes and that hottie from her workout world.

"You can find similar people, whether they're in the same income bracket or time schedule or a healthy person," Ms. Brown said. "It's not a bad place to meet someone. It just doesn't happen very much."

A gym can be a good outlet to meet someone "because there's no alcohol involved," said Brooke Temner, 26, a beauty publicist who belongs to a Crunch gym on the East Side of Manhattan.

No alcohol involved? Wait, wouldn't that explain why it's a bad place to meet someone. We bet back in the day (when people hooked up on the bench press) Jane had a few g+ts before getting herself into some of those positions … not mention the outfits.

Don't Hit on Me, Mr. Goodbody [Melena Ryzik, New York Times]

• Fellow Elaine's patron Elaine Kaufman and Beatte Telle, the model at the center of this all, claim Roman Polanski did none of the thigh massaging Harper's editor Lewis Lapham claimed in a 2002 Vanity Fair article and again on the stand during the libel lawsuit.

• Walter Cronkite is boinking Carly Simon's sister Joanna. That's all we're going to say, because it makes us as ill as you are at this very moment.

• Melissa Gilbert is through with the Screen Actors Guild, actually admitting her decision not to seek a third term as president stemmed from internal fighting.

• New York mag continues exhibiting its personality disorder, finding the show critics hate (The Comeback) and defending it as a guilty pleasure.

• Upon learning even New York magazine staffers get denied from trendy nightspots, we don't feel so bad about the disastrous results trying to name drop Jossip at PM.

• When they're not taking over the radio waves with ubiquitous Top 40, Clear Channel is loading up on the Queer Channel, a new GLBT program debuting August 7. Which is sure to please their conservative investors.

• Jane Fonda gets up on her high war horse again, this time targetting the Iraqi war. You know, since her Vietnam efforts won't so well in the 70s.

• Whee, the teen fashion mags go back to school. This year's challenge: Making 15-year-old girls look more whorish.

• It doesn't take much, but somehow Kathy Griffin continually reminds us why she stays on the D-list.

• Lil Kim lies on the stand — and in her documentary.