You know what it's like watching the magazine you created get flushed down the toilet several years after you "voluntarily" left the offices of Conde Nast kicking and screaming? According to the crazy (and not at all bitter!) Jane Pratt, it's kind of like watching your second develop an incurable substance abuse problem. Or something.

"I feel like Sassy was my baby; I feel like Jane was my second baby," said Ms. Pratt, who started Jane in 1997 and was the first editor of Sassy, a ground-breaking title for teen girls, before that. "I feel like I abandoned that baby and it went off and got on drugs or something. I do have guilt about that. What I really would have liked would have been to have kept more of a connection to the magazine."

And by "I would have liked to have kept more of a connection to the magazine," Pratt really means "I'm still pretty fucking pissed about getting fired, thrown out on the street and unceremoniously replaced by an incompetent stranger who's named after a boy." Or something.

After yesterday's announcement that Jane magazine was unceremoniously shutting down, we realized we were far more interested in hearing founder Jane Pratt's reactions than those of new (and now-former) Jane EIC, Brandon Holley.

This is because (a) we're hoping Jane somehow finds a way to tie this all back to the time she had hot, ladysex with Drew Barrymore in the early 90's, and (b) we're counting on Jane to muster up the appropriate level of schadenfreude.

And while we were sorely disappointed on the first count [Ed: Seriously, Jane, if this doesn't trigger flashbacks to your intermittent lesbianism, we don't know what will] Jane totally delivered on the "inappropriate gloating" front.

CONTINUED »

Monday saw New York speculating former Jane editor Jane Pratt was leaving town, after her Downing Street townhouse (once owned by the Murdochs!) popped up for sale at $3.5 million.

Now Richard Johnson's team brings word that Brandon Holley (Jane's new EIC, not to be confused with the one-time Drew Barrymore paramour) has picked up an issue of Modern Brides – that magazine that lets women pretend they can have a career and a flowing white wedding dress! – and married musician boyfriend John Deley, whose band's MySpace page might be this one.

It's hard to tell which is more Jane: Getting married and settling down, or ditching all your responsibilities to live the high life.

Seventeen and Rolling Stone's reality shows were certainly huge successes, right? So it makes total sense for Brandon Holley's Jane to get in on the reality show bandwagon with The Fashionista Diaries, a new skein that "revolves around six fashion assistants - two in public relations, two in beauty, and two in magazines - as they scramble to fill their bosses every demand, appear non-threatening to other 20-somethings in their cubicle, and look hot doing it."

As you might imagine, this type of fair is only suitable for HBO … and SoapNet, which is where it'll air, likely sandwiched between primetime reruns of Y&R and B&TB.

They're aiming to piggyback on the bump in readership and publicity that The Hills lent Teen Vogue, so it's a decent trick not to make the show entirely about Jane. (That seems to be where the Hearst and Wenner titles stumbled.) But if there's even a chance of Brandon Holley showing up to utter "That's so Jane," you can bet your newsstand sales that we'll be tuning in.

• Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen put their twin heads together, come up with a way to charge $175 for a t-shirt.

• Both Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead attend Anna Nicole Smith's funeral, but only Stern wears a pink-ribbon on his lapel to symbolize how much he misses her bank account.

• Michael Richards goes on a crazy racist rant. Yadda yadda yadda, a bunch of obsessed Seinfeld fans incorporate it into the show.

• Astro-Nut gets off scot-free; Paris Hilton now "even less worried" about doing jail-time.

• Jane cancels it's Mammory Glands photo shoot after Wednesday's BreastGate scandal.

• The never-particularly-attractive Ray Liotta gets nip/tucked for no apparent reason.

• Jane magazine is sorry for inadvertently IDing the 53 women who agreed to "anonymously" show their tits.

• CBS poaches Google ad exec after promising him a correctly spelled business card and an intro to Katie Couric.

• Bigger isn't always better; Washington Posties told to keep their articles short…or else they'll find themselves at (gasp!) The Washington Times.

• The Pulitzers are coming! The Pulitzers are coming! Predictions for who won't win: The New York Daily News, for their dramatic coverage of the completely fabricated 9/11 "hero."

• It's nice that ABC's Bob Woodruff has helped raise awareness for injured army vets. Too bad the Pentagon has just banned CNN and the Discovery Channel from filming at Walter Reed Medical Center.

• And in sad news, historian Arthur M. Schlesinger has died, at the senseless age of 89.

While Oprah and Gayle King spend their holiday gal palling around at the southern tip of the African continent, Jane editor Brandon Holley has already taken off for Liberia. And she's blogging it! While it's likely she's doing something worthwhile like learning about the local traditions and giving pens to school children, we'll still fault her for not bringing along 30-year-old Jane virgin blogger Sarah Dimuro. How else are Liberians supposed to see past the cultural image we've exported that we're all hags like B. Spears?

CONTINUED »

Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock, named "Newlyweds of the Year" in December's GQ:

Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock, named divorcees of the year:

Then, Hilary Duff gushing to Jane's December issue about how the paparazzi helps her relationship with Joel Madden:

Hilary and Joel today:

(Click image for larger version in pop-up window)

Oh look, it's Jane magazine's cute new feature on "O Faces," where they disingeiously advise you to make a decision on which rocker's groupie you should be based on what their mouth looks like while eating an invisible orange whole. It's such a clever idea: Photoshop together a couple of WireImage shots and, bam!, an instant one-pager.

Except, uh, haven't we seen this before?

CONTINUED »

We've heard, read, and seen so much of Jane's 30-year-old virgin blogger (though she was 29 when she started the gig) — and we've spent equal amounts of time trying to ignore her. It's been a great gimmick for Jane editor Brandon Holley: Sarah DiMuro is the anti-Candance Bushnell. She's not from the city, she's not sleeping around, and her social etiquette leaves something to be desired. But we had no idea just how much refinement DiMuro could use until LX.TV brought us actual video of how she composes herself in public. Perhaps it's not Jane that Sarah needs, but Emily Post.

If Jane magazine's attempt at boosting its website traffic via 29-year-old virgin Sarah diMuro hasn't annoyed you to the point of canceling your subscription, there's one last chance for you to dump Brandon Holley's rag. Tonight, as Sarah – who's been going on Jane-funded dates picked by readers to find the man to lose her virginity to – turns 30, Jane staffers are gathering around the booze to hope someone gets laid. And if it ain't diMuro, surely there's a lowly staffer whose new eyeliner choice is the ticket to finding a man.

Are you sick of these Jane ads yet? We, too, are getting close to the boiling point. But sometimes when we get on a kick with something, it's hard to let it go. And we've been on this Jane kick for a month or so now, with this being the sixth advertisement in the series. We are afraid we might even be addicted to them.

Not as addicted as the girl in a velvet blue beret reading Flaubert, sipping a Ricard, and shoving french fries covered in mayo in her face, of course … but a little obsessed none the same.

6 dates later Jane, and I still feel like I don't know you at all [Copyranter]

We continue covering Mark Copyranter's coverage of the most recent Jane magazine ad campaign. We know you getting pretty bored by them (how can they top Kafka, Zoolander, keg stands, and yoga?) but we don't want you to be sideswiped by a mag ad that we haven't prepared you for.

In this addition, Jane not only lacks any self confidence about her body (paging Linda Wells!) but she's also rich. Sounds like Jane might be transforming before our eyes.

That's right, folks. No more "love your ugly feet" or "two pairs of shoes will get you through a year." Jane wants those ad dollars, and if convincing advertisers that their readers are superficial, self-deprecating, and rich will make that happen … well, that's the breaks.

We think maybe Jane's been living under Conde Nast's roof too long. It might be time for her to get her own place.

Jane's Addictions don't include Jane Magazine [Copyranter]

• We're going blase Jane style and reporting this news two days after the fact. Jane mag's EIC Brandon Holley is engaged. Congrats! (We bet it was the yearbook photo that won him over.) [FBNY]

• PETA has a new cause: keeping the bison safe from Ted Turner. [Page Six]

• Britney Spears dumps yet another manny. She obviously would prefer to have a woman helping her, but (as dumb as she is) she probably realizes that Kevin Federline would knock the girl up in a week. [Star]

• Gabe Sherman is really, really serious about running. Almost as serious as he is about reporting. Just something to consider on you cigarette break. [Slate]

• When a little girl is five, she can run around without a shirt and not be considered "sexy." That's what it means to be a kid. Then again, maybe Cindy Crawford should be protecting her daughter from skeeves like Lloyd Grove. [Lowdown]

As many of you know, we have been following Jane magazine's new advertising campaign. The girls in them have such juxtaposing interests, while all the while staying fit, well-read, fun, and in touch.

Well, until today. Once upon a time, Jane did keg stands, watched Zoolander, and read Franz Kafka. Now she is now writing letters to her grandfather and burping the alphabet? We must profess, this particular page in the ad series is a little less brilliant than previous installments.

Especially since burping the alphabet is disgusting — and if Jane was a really good granddaughter, she would teach Grandpapi how to use e-mail.

Jane's readership now includes the lucrative 7-9 year-old female demographic group [Copyranter]

• The great racially undivided city of New York (please, people, try to understand the sarc on this one) does not appreciate Survivor: Racism very much. [AP]

• The New York Times loses a freelancer to the Boston Globe. Which is sad. But we are mostly linking to this story because of the horrid use of "culturati" and the mention of travel expense scandals. [Artnet]

• Martha Stewart may have finally found a (legal) buyer for her Turkey Hill home. [FBNY]

• Despite dropping ad numbers, Conde Nast is supporting Jane all the way. Plus, that Christina Aguilera cover is totally sure to save them. [WWD]

• Tara Reid wins the quote of the week award with this winner: "When you're nice, I don't hate you guys, because you're nice." The paparazzi love you, too Tara. [TMZ]

• It's worse than the Brad Pitt / Jennifer Aniston break-up: Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick part ways. [Page Six]

• Know a guy who really wants to fuck a 29-year-old virgin? Well, Jane will help him get a date with her. Goodies not guaranteed. [Jane]

• Essence glams it up with a Beyonce cover. Nice to see her looking her natural shade on a cover for once. [WWD]

• City Hall Gossip? Sounds incredibly un-fascinating. [FBNY]

• Only Jessica Simpson would be stupid enough to put her lips on Britney Spears. Did you not see what happened to Madonna's career after that? [Us]

The new ads for Jane magazine are in. Or is it out? Whatever, they're there. Or here. And this time, the mag isn't telling you how Jane Brandon Holley is, but they're actually explaining how "you" Jane is.

As Copyranter deems it necessary to call Jane an "ignorant slut," we wonder if we miss something. Is it now ignorant to read and slutty to whiten your teeth?

Anyways, it's nice to see the magazine has gone from advertising their EIC to advertising the actual mag. And if the next issue is Jessica Joffe ad free, we will be absolutely tickled.

"Jane, you ignorant slut!" (apologies to Jane Curtin) [Copyranter]

Starting today, Thursday July 27, 2006, at 3 pm EST (which is, like, now) Jane magazine's editors will be online, waiting to hear your pitch ideas.

Your dreams of being in Jane could come true … and you won't even need to throw up your tofu to make it into a fashion spread! Is your cat depressed? Did your roommate turn into a lesbian and try to make out with you while you were in the shower? Where you seduced by Jeffrey Epstein? (Wait, actually, if you were, send that story to us, ok?)

Brandon Holley, along with her crew of editors will be signed on and ready to respond to readers with a story idea. We're told that editors "don’t have specific requests," as of yet, "but say an editor is looking for information for a story or a source, she might go to the pitchfest and put out a query." They're looking for stories from all over as part of their whole "getting connected with the readers" thing.

Honestly, we feel like if Brandon gets any closer to her readers, she's going to have to host a 3,000 person slumber party at her apartment. Why are you still reading this? Get your ass over to Jane.com and try to try to get your story published, minus the cheesey cover letter.

• It's no 126 Rivington, but certainly there's enough drama in this "urban dorm" for its own show. [NYT]

• The length of Robert Novak's conversation with Karl Rove about Valerie Plame was up there with the amout of time it takes for your premature ejaculation to kick in. [AP]

• Katie Couric is shaking hands not just with viewers but with the local affiliates who will determine what her own ratings will look like. [USA Today]

• Jennifer Aniston's security detail threatens the stalkerazzi by taping the photogs — and making sure their immigration papers are in order. [TMZ]

• As Nick Denton and Jared Paul Stern gear up to host tonight's book party for The Sound of No Hands Clapping, author Toby Young is working to get old bossman Graydon Carter to show up. But how'd Toby get these folks to appear on the invite, anyhow? [WWD, ETP]

• The FCC maintains its quest to ban obscenity from the airwaves, this time turning its attention on NASCAR swearing, sponsored by Penzoil. [THR]

• Jane mag bloggers clearly need more oversight. [Jane]