Just when you start to feel sorry for motherless Kanye West, he has to go off on another one of his deranged tangents about things of no importance whatsoever. This time around, his anger is directed at the MTV Video Music Awards — one of the most legitimate and respected musical events of the year. Except, you know, not.
You see, Kanye thinks these awards shows — both in America and Europe — are "fixed," and he's not OK with the winners of this year's crop:
Yesterday we mentioned in passing that Paris Hilton was hooking up with Benji Madden. And this was only news because Benji is Joel Madden's twin, and Joel Madden impregnated Nicole Richie, and Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton are ex-bffs.
But allegedly, they're totally for reals and Benji called her "the one."
Since 2008, Paris has been the one, or the one night for, Jared Leto, Simon Rex and Elisha Cuthbert.
Plus, she's been engaged to more people than we have fingers. We're just saying, Paris Hilton cries relationship a lot. We're not going buy her story anymore.
• Jared Leto and Paris Hilton go to first base. In pop culture ranking, there's no difference between being on a short-lived, critically acclaimed television show in the nineties and being an heiress with a predilection to party.
• Spy shots of Mariah Carey topless, but conveniently covering her nips with her arms. Someone's publicist has been working overtime.
• Speaking of good publicity, Scarlett Johanson visits soldiers in Kuwait. She's so much more than a pretty face and a great rack.
• LC mixes it up in the hot ATL. Pretty soon we're going to need new episodes of The Hills to keep writing about these appearances.
• New York's new tourism ad has us considering a move to Portland.
• Ambition, noun: Wanting your own reality television show. Denise Richards is the definition of ambition.
• "Which rocker-ette, who is attempting a comeback, has a new eating disorder to replace the drugs? Apparently now she will eat only yogurt products," tantalizes Ben Widdicombe.
• Meanwhile, in completely unrelated news, "Courtney Love showed off her new skinny bod by performing in a one-piece Marc Jacobs bathing suit at Hiro," chirps Rush & Molloy.
• Diddy moves on from ex-girlfriend Kim Porter faster than you can say "canoodling with a brunette in a cabana with three bodyguards blocking him from fans and paparazzi." And that kind of cathartic promiscuity can't be good for the wallet.
• Brandon Davis' parents finally do the sensible thing: disown their overweight and out of control son until he learns how to eke out a respectable living dealing drugs and hocking "Team Firecrotch" t-shirts.
• Don't listen to K-Rock radio today unless you want to hear a 4-hour block of 30 Seconds to Mars songs.
• DJ AM dumps his much more attractive girlfriend for being "too high maintenance." And she totally was! You know, except for that whole willingness to date an unattractive, tattooed manorexic.
Ever wondered about the veritable mountains of fan mail a Jossip editor typically receives in a day? Sure, we’ve all got our own fair share of admirers (especially Intern Joe!) but as it turns out, not everyone has been drinking the Kool Aid as of late. Now, ordinarily, we’d respect the privacy of our tipsters, but since some of our respondents have expressed an ardent desire to be heard, we’ve decided to once again indulge your implicit curiosity by excerpting a representative sample from today’s giant mailbag of crazy.
"this is what i wrote about the 'article' about jared leto," begins our Number One Fan, referring to a months-old post characterizing the My So-Called Life star as a 'mediocre lay.' "And id really like it if everyone could see it…thanks."
And, seeing as we've always been suckers for angry, unemployed types who refer to our posts as quote unquote "articles," we were more than happy to oblige!
Breaking news alert! Apparently, in addition to being a pretentious dickwad who wears more eyeliner than your mom, Jared Leto is also lousy in the sack! And his publicist (in the unlikely event he actually has one) is seeing double today.
Reports Rush & Molloy:
Perhaps Jared Leto should concentrate on quality instead of quantity as he cuts a swath across womankind. Penthouse Pet of the Year runnerup Krista Ayne gave the raccoon-eyed actor only an average grade after their alleged tumble. "Okay, I admit it, I hooked up with Jared Leto. He's a really nice guy. The sex wasn't that good though," the bounteous brunette tells Steppin' Out mag's Chaunce Hayden. "I'd give him a 7 on a scale from 1 to 10 in bed." We hear Leto's called Ayne semi-constantly since we called him for comment - perhaps to bring his average up?
But Richard Johnson and his hardworking Page Six minions were not to be outdone.
CONTINUED »
• Supposedly, there are pictures floating around showing Britney Spears to be (gasp!) an unfit mother. And when you're done chewing on that, chew on these.
• Jim Carrey has given Jenny McCarthy cart blanche to bang Justin Timberlake, should the opportunity ever present itself.
• Is Gisele Bundchen pregnant or isn't she? Either way, she looks totally hot on the cover of Vanity Fair!
• Mandy Moore may or may not have come to her senses and ditched DJ AM.
• Jimmy Kimmel can't take credit for breaking Jared Leto's nose. But he kinda wishes he could.
• Angelina Jolie foils kidnapping plot by convincing her would-be assailants that she's "not nearly as attractive as she looks in the movies."
• Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee once had a threesome with a Pam doppelganger; Related: Kid Rock rethinks that whole divorce thing.
• Tom Cruise is the Jesus Christ of Scientology.
• Jared Leto, best known for his breakout role as brooding, high school burnout Jordan Catalano, is finally being recognized for his later work as an eye makeup-wearing douchebag.
• Beyonce is snubbed by those old geezers at the Academy, despite an impressively one-dimensional performance.
• Next Magazine revives Queerty blogger Andrew Bolonsky's feud with his nemesis, Ken Solby.
• The latest polls are in, and President George "Lame Duck" Bush is sitting ugly at a pitiful 34% approval rate.
• The legendary Valentino to possibly retire from the worlds of fashion, walking clothes-hangers, in July?
Lindsay's little black book is looking mighty full these days. The underage alchy has been bombarded with admirers, attracting the notice of past conquests Wilmer Valderrama and Jared Leto, and catching the color-blind eye of record producer/fashion victim Scott Storch.
Although Leto and Valderrama attempted to rein Lindsay in with their best come-hither stares, Storch one-upped the competition by shelling out for expensive diamond jewlery in a transparent bid to graduate from Loser Guy Friend to Sympathy Fuck.
Not to be outdone, however, Kevin Federline reportedly got in on the action, by which we mean he attempted (and failed) to impress.
CONTINUED »
• The NYT sees Jane Pauley's lawsuit and raises her "You knew you were doing an interview for an ad supplement. Or at least your flack did." Will she call? [WSJ]
• Tara Reid did Us Weekly last week, and the Today show today. Then there's co-hosting The View tomorrow, and The Tyra Banks Show next week. So many plastic surgery tales, so little time. [Planet Gossip]
• The only diet advice we trust is diet advice that comes from a restaurant critic. [Grub Street]
• The blogger fights didn't end with Perez Hilton. Last night at the MTVu Awards, a small brawl broke out between actor-cum-music hack Jared Leto and Stereogum blogger Scott Lapatine. [BWE, Stereogum]
• You're expected to report back to us on whether Judith Miller's thank you notes are scented. [WaPo]
• The Second Avenue subway line – staring down Moynihan Station for title of "most talked about, never seen transportation development" &ndahs; will be called the T line, for no better reason than the MTA's superintendant likes the letter. [DI]
• Jared Leto was "throwing up in the back of his throat" when he made Chapter 27. He claims it was from so many pizzas, but let's not forget he was pulling Lindsay Lohan at the time. [Us]
• And as for the Japanese Britney Spears, well, she begins her inevitable downward spiral as well. [TSG]
• Michael Lohan calls Lloyd Grove to express the fact that he does not play favorites to Lindsay. He would fuck any of his children's stunt doubles. [Lowdown]
• And by "napping" Charlie Sheen means "watching kiddie porn." [Defamer]
• It may be raining, but spending time in the East Village, dancing in a hipster-free zone is worth breaking the umbrella out for. (Tue. 8/29) [Free NYC]
• Five dollars gets you beers and brownies. Yes, brownies and weed would be better, but you'll take what you can get right? (Tue. 8/29) [My Open Bar]
• Come see Jared Leto play songs about his breakup with Lindsay Lohan. (Wed. 8/30) [Bowery Presents]
• Environmentalism isn’t just for hippies anymore. It’s for the whole family. And if you’re lucky you might even spot a few environment-conscious PILFs (Sat. 9/3) [Ecofest]
• Come on, people. Hugh Hefner didn’t have a stroke! He just went to bed after Wheel of Fortune. Because he’s 80 freakin’ years old? [AP]
• Yes. We all know Colin Farrell is bad in bed. We saw the tape. [R&M]
• Normally we don't make fun of sick people … but eww. Jared Leto has gout? OMG did he give to Lindsay Lohan? [Page Six]
• Fabian Basabe tries to keep his existance meaningful by standing up for his friends and suing Bungalow 8. For the time being, however, you can all enjoy his absense from the club. [NYDN]
• Well, the gays for one, one watch Oprah over Ellen. Somehow, we're sure the rest of you agree. [Queerty]
• Congrats to Jack Black. His baby (the only boy born in a sea of celebgirls) will surely grow up to be rejected by Shiloh, Suri, and Isabella for years to come. [People]
• Y'know, after The Color Purple was repeatedly beaten at the Tony Awards, you'd think Harry Connick Jr would at least offer to share his meds with Oprah. [R&M]
• How Sarah Michelle Gellar possibly defended a man that calls a stylist a "fruit-salad head" is beyond us. Oh, yeah … that guy was Alec Baldwin. [Lowdown]
• We can practically see the Jessica Simpson Pregs With Jared Leto's Baby!!! headline forming for next week's Star cover. We guess this means Leto and Lindsay Lohan aren't together anymore? [Star]
• Sandra Bullock has been working in Hollywood for a pretty long while. And you all know who runs that place. [Page Six]
• Smoking weed is probably the only normal young adult thing Paris Hilton has ever participated in. [TMZ]
• Write this one down in the history books: Jennifer Aniston made a movie that didn't completely bomb. That Vince Vaughn is doing wonders for her career. [AP]
• Jared Leto gets doused in fake blood. See what happens when you pretend to be gay and then hang out with Lindsay Lohan? [Mollygood]
• When Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger made out, audiences noticed. Mostly because half the theater had to run to the bathroom to clean up — but, they paid attention. [People]
• If Jessica Simpson wanted Kristen Cavallari's career to be over, she should have rooted for the former Laguna Beach star to be cast in the next Dukes of Hazzard movie. It's a surefire career ruiner. [Page Six]
• Barbra Walters wants more money for her book. Yet, as Page Six points out, you did get a lot of money without a sex scandal. Shit, we really hope that doesn't mean one will be revealed. [Page Six]
• Even wax museums recognize Britney Spears' downward spiral. [TMZ]
• Jared Leto spends 30 seconds coming out of the closet. [Mollygood]
• Ted Turner is tough. He doesn't just talk trash, he actually picks it up, too. Can you guess who's a bigger bitch than Katie Couric? [Lowdown, (last item)]
• Jake Gyllenhaal's latest dinner date? Jennifer Aniston. Seriously, that boy better not go all Ashton Kutcher on us. [Star]
• Diddy isn't caughin' up the dough to pay for his kids. Maybe instead of cigars and vodka, Jay-Z should send his friend some child support gift certificates. [amNY]
• If Jared Leto can't get dirty or live without a mirror why does he look like a dirtbag who doesn't own a mirror? [TSG]
• David Spade evidently wasn't threatening enough. Now the jailed pimps are after Charlie Sheen, too. [Page Six]
• It's always hard to hear that Jake Gyllenhaal has yet another new girlfriend. Which is why we plug our ears and shout "la, la, la … I can't hear you!" [Us Weekly]
• To prove models rely mostly on their looks, Tatyana Simanava walked out of an RV onto the Gowanus Expressway. What exactly was she doing for so long in the bathroom? [NYP]
• How are you celebrating the Vernal Equinox? Why not watch a fertility dance performance and remind yourself you're normal? (Tues. 3/21) [Free NYC]
• Check out Trampoline Hall at the Slipper Room. And no, after reading what it is and looking through its website, we don't know what this event is either. (Wed. 3/22) [Trampoline Hall]
• Grab your tickets to Jared Leto's poor excuse for a band, 30 Seconds to Mars. Hey, there's nothing like watching an overweight train wreck in person. (Thu. 3/23, Fri. 3/24) [OMR]
• Head out to Williamsburg to the Found Footage Festival. Who knows, maybe some home video of someone you know snuck its way in. (Fri. 3/24) [Cine]
It's not that we needed confirmation Lindsay Lohan and Jared Leto were sleeping together. And it's not that we needed confirmation Lindsay was indeed part of the Chapter 27 cast, playing a Beatles fan alongside Leto's character, John Lennon's murderer Mark David Chapman.
We just merely needed confirmation that Lindsay Lohan does not have a clause in her contract preventing her from being photographed or filmed next to normal sized people. These photos, taken yesterday at The Dakota on 72nd Street and Central Park West, show she's also allowed to be seen with fatties.
Lindsay Lohan and Jared Leto film scenes from Chapter 27 [Just Jared]
• Forget Wilmer Valderrama (we already did, hopefully Star will too). Lindsay Lohan is looking to potential Oscar winner Joaquin Phoenix to advance her own career with some professional canoodling. [Life & Style]
• NYU wants to put up a 26 story dorm building, which would be the tallest in the East Village. It's actually a nice holiday present for East Villagers, giving them something new to bitch about. [Curbed] • Michael Jackson's pill popping in Bahrain is out of control, and it's got his family in a tizzy of worry. La Toya's identity crisis, meanwhile, goes unnoticed. [NYDN]
• Still hot off the success of Passions of the Christ, Mel Gibson inked a production deal with ABC to create a Holocaust mini-series. Yes, this is the same man whose father said the Holocaust never happened. [NYT]
• Peter Braunstein's newest flashy plaything isn't a fashion editor but a U.S. marshal's badge. [NYDN] • At last, a magazine for moms who choose to stay home. Those made up NYT stories about the growing trend (among the wealthy, at least) sure make a sound business plan. [Salon]
• Real people: They're just like stars! [Cityrag]
Editorial Director
