Bad news, eggs. There are only a few more years left, and we decided to spend that time “having a good time” with the straights and developing close friendships with the gays. So yeah, looks like fertilization isn’t in our immediate future. But on the plus side, we couldn’t really make a profit off of it anyway.

Maternal grandmothers aren’t happy with this plan, and neither are PR people:

CONTINUED »

Outside of Trisha and Ryan, no one takes Valentine's Day seriously. It's a Hallmark holiday, and everyone knows it. The thing is, it's a lot easier to enjoy V-Day ironically when someone sees you naked regularly. But to remind you that being single isn't so bad, we bring you "Douches In The Mist," real quotes from online dating profiles.

Also* from Jdate:

I certainly come with a lot of baggage.. but don't worry ladies.. its Louis Vuitton type baggage. I am looking for a dare to be great situation. I only respond to emails from girls who have at least 2 languages other than English listed in their profile and you must be in the top 10 most popular in your Region——- I am not going to the Hall of Fame but I had a decent run ..Here are the *highlights*.. 4 different girls;3 of them were at one time ranked in the top 5 for most popular in NYC .. all but one led to a second date and I seriously dated 2 of them for a period of time.I'm hanging around for a bit longer because there is this one girl who won't write me back and the Montoyas have never taken defeat easily (what an awesome princess bride reference )… Please have a halloween picture available to show me.. (NO GIRLS IN YANKEE SHIRTS) .. Oh and don't be that girl who has some sort of disclaimer in her profile that goes something like : my friend is making me try this out.. or my mom suggested I give it a shot .. or I heard blah blah

My perfect first date:
I happen to know very nice places for wine flights and tapas I can order in French or Spanish if it will impress you. but we can just do fun stuff .Drinks, Ice Cream and Ice Skating or Coloring Books and Cocoa Something fun and social is all thats really important. have tried sushi b/c its a social first date ya know you are using your hands.. but I don't care for sushi.. so thats out….. Do you know about saved by the bell hit me with your best triva question.

*Damn demographics!

Outside of Trisha and Ryan, no one takes Valentine's Day seriously. It's a Hallmark holiday, and everyone knows it. The thing is, it's a lot easier to enjoy V-Day ironically when someone sees you naked regularly. But to remind you that being single isn't so bad, we bring you "Douches In The Mist," real quotes from online dating profiles.

Also* from Jdate:

I love JDATE, because as a Jew, I have an innate appreciation for wholesale shopping. If I were into complaining and critiquing (aka. the Jewish National Pastime) I'd say that this entire method of meeting potential mates is inherently flawed. My suggestion would be to institute a rating/feedback scoring system like eBay has. A buyer protection program would be nice as well seeing as how we pay by credit card that should be a given.

Spotted any douches lately? Let us know.

*Every submission we've gotten has been from Jdate, which must say something about our demographic.

Outside of Trisha and Ryan, no one takes Valentine's Day seriously. It's a Hallmark holiday, and everyone knows it. The thing is, it's a lot easier to enjoy V-Day ironically when someone sees you naked regularly. But to remind you that being single isn't so bad, we bring you "Douches In The Mist," real quotes from online dating profiles.

A douchette from Jdate:

For starters I am looking for a relationship…I am not looking to play games and mess around (literally and figuratively) bc if I was, I wouldnt use internet dating. I dont ask for alot I simply want honesty and respect and will in turn do the same for you. I put up high walls and have a hard time trusting but then again who doesnt?? and eventually I will bring the walls down for the right person. I transitioned out of my party girl phase and prefer bars with good freinds as opposed to clubs and lounges and while I will go out and have my fun I am a home body. I would love to find a guy who I can spend the night cuddled up on the couch watching tv with, and feel like I am safe and there is no place I would rather be…

This girl has serious baggage from casual encounters

Spotted any douches lately? Let us know.

Outside of Trisha and Ryan, no one takes Valentine's Day seriously. It's a Hallmark holiday, and everyone knows it. The thing is, it's a lot easier to enjoy V-Day ironically when someone sees you naked regularly. But to remind you that being single isn't so bad, we bring you "Douches In The Mist," real quotes from online dating profiles.

From Jdate:

1st off!!!!!!!…Please don't bother using the "flirt" feature. Send me an original message. If your account doesn't have that capability…Get a real account!!!!!!! haha. I'm an outgoing, energetic, fun-loving guy. Comedy is HUGE with me, so come with a good sense of humor! I love sitting at a great restaurant, saturday afternoons washington square park, enjoying the nightlife NYC has to offer after a long week of work. People ask me how I have so much energy, my reply… how do you have so little??? I love to entertain but could very well just sit and watch a good movie. I love a good road trip to the beach, or up north for skiing…wow…thats totally not true…haha..i mean like the beach, and i like skiing, but i def don't do either of them often!!! lol. I'm ambitious and driven. I'm not afraid to speak in front of 200 strangers. I love to make people open up and get out of their shells. I can be predictable, yet extremely spontaneous. Bottom line…you've signed up for JDate, you've paid your dues, you've stepped up to the plate…now swing the bat, stop being so timid, and have fun! I consider myself pretty open minded. "You can't build a reputation on what you're going to do". (Henry Ford)

Clearly, the way into a Jewish girl's heart is to quote a noted anti-Semite.

Spotted any douches lately? Let us know.

• Ike Turner is dead. We'd say something snarky, but wife-abusers are people too. Apparently, the AP missed that memo.

• Janice Dickinson is sorry for offending everyone with her body.

CONTINUED »

JDate is a New York staple by now — sort of like Tasti D-Lite or the F train. The one thing that was constantly missing from the site was the ability for gays and lesbians to find each other on the site. Finally, we realize why this option is so necessary.

"Mr. Steinberg is not observant, but he seeks a boyfriend from his own culture, and for him, JDate is digital manna. "In the gay scene, especially in New York, there's a lot of people who need to be filtered," he said. "It's just so much better than going to a gay club, getting wasted and having a bunch of random sex."

And you thought we were going to say something about social acceptance, human rights, or breaking down stereotypes. Psha.

A Dating Service Gives a Nod to Jewish Gays [Richard Morgan, NYT]