• Kevin Federline's lawyer says Brit will regain visitation rights soon. He then quickly undermined his point by murmuring under his breath, "Assuming she doesn't blow it. Again."

• And speaking of the latter, Britney accidentally-on-purpose runs over a TMZ photographer's foot.

• "Trek" film casts its Kirk and McCoy; nobody cares except for your nerdy neighborhood IT guy.

• Hillary Clinton's ahead in the polls? Who could have predicted that? Besides, well, everybody?

• Actor Jean-Claude Van Damme is 47, contrary to popular belief that he's actually dead.

• A currently jobless Joe Torre politely rejects George Steinbrenner's enticing offer of a paycut.

One might expect a publicist-less celebutard like Britney Spears to make up stories about career prospects that don't exist. But an acclaimed 1990s kickboxing womanizer cult icon like Jean Claude Van Damme? Pssshaw, we said. Until:

Earlier this year there was much internet ballyhoo about the return of Jean Claude Van Damme to the action blockbuster, playing the villain in next year's Rush Hour 3. It pains us a little to say this, but it's all lies. Van Damme confirmed to Empire that he will not be in the third in the Jackie Chan/Chris Tucker action franchise. In fact, he admits, he actually made the whole thing up himself.

"You know," he laughs, "it was just a comment, a joke, that I made during an interview. I said, “We’ve got Jackie, we’ve got Chris Tucker — what about me, making it a trio?” And this became something. But to be honest with you, if I did a comedy, I wouldn’t want to do something like Rush Hour, more a Lethal Weapon type of action comedy, something with a sense of reality. Like, for example, that movie with Bobby De Niro and that guy in handcuffs". He's talking about either Midnight Run or some De Niro home movie that's going to cause quite a scandal. Almost definitely the former.

We've got one for you: Kickboxer 33 1/3: The Streetfighter's Return, a Lionheart Story. Now playing on Lifetime.