Ok, so Newsday publisher Robert Johnson wasn't accused of molesting anyone. But he did have kiddie porn. And really, we're just looking for hope that someday this headline will have Jeffrey Epstein's name attached to it.

Oh, never mind. What are we thinking? If Epstein ever does get charged with these allegations, nobody will actually report on it.

Former Newsday publisher pleads guilty in child porn case [Newsday via Romenesko]

We were almost at the point of letting this whole "why isn't the media reporting that billionaire and media investor Jeffrey Epstein has been accused of hiring and raping 16-year-old prostitutes?" thing go.

Until we read Arianna Huffington's inspiring post on why bloggers are different than newspaper reporters, who are too into crap like "family values," so they shy away from reporting on subjects that turn them on. Like little girls covered in massage oil finger fucking.

It's amazing to me how many big stories don't have a lot of legs, without the blogosphere giving them legs. And so that's what I find so interesting, the kind of passion and relentlessness that bloggers bring to the news, the obsessiveness, if you want.

Seriously. There are strange salty drops coming out of our eyes. So, fine. We are going to be obsessive. Arianna said we could be. And we are going to point out — yet again — that a very rich and powerful man was accused of some really terrible things … and the New York Times has officially let a week go by without a single mention of his name.

Huffington Peers Beyond Politics [Wired News]
Earlier: Jeffrey Epstein Still Immune From New York Times Coverage

We're entering week two of the New York Times' complete lack of acknowledgement over recent accusations that Jeffrey Epstein ran a sex ring (which he prefers to refer to as his "petting zoo") of underage girls in his home.

Are we crazy? Shouldn't the big newspapers in this country be covering this? Epstein is a rich, powerful guy who has been accused of some major sex crimes — including rape of a 16-year-old girl. But, uh, they're not.

We would like to think the lack of coverage is due to the fact that this story broke over the Internet via The Smoking Gun … however that theory more or less goes to shit upon realizing when TSG broke their "James Frey is a total liar" story, the Times was all over it.

Well, maybe if we all just keep ignoring this story, Epstein can get back to his regular, un-dissected life of soaking high school girls in massage oil and paying them to hook up with each other.

Earlier: Jeffrey Epstein Immune From New York Times Coverage
Earlier: What the Press Calls 'Epstein Sex Scandal' Sounds a Bit More Like 'Rape'

We've received word that this week's advertiser dollars may have been funneled from Jeffrey Epstein's personal checking account, though our vaginas haven't been touched with a vibrator lately, so we're holding out for more evidence. But thanks anyway, guys!

• Sidekick 3
• Work Out
• Little Miss Sunshine
• All That Rocks
• HBO

Wanna learn how to have fun without minors? Advertise with us.

So, it has now been two full days since The Smoking Gun reported that billionaire and media member Jeffrey Epstein hired a gaggle of underage girls to act has personal masseuses/sex toys/petting zoo. Not to mention that little claim from a 16-year-old that Epstein held her down forcibly and had sex with her until she screamed "no!"

How, we wonder, are the papers going to cover this news?

Yeah. We guess a sex ring in Hollywood full of 14-17 year olds who are being paid by a billionaire to perform sexual acts on him, themselves, and each other, isn't significant enough news for the New York Times.

Billionaire In Palm Beach Sex Scandal [The Smoking Gun]
Earlier: What the Press Calls 'Epstein Sex Scandal' Sounds a Bit More Like 'Rape'

Ok, we know we gave Jeffrey Epstein a minor bullet point in our little gossip round-up. But that's because we are just now going through The Smoking Gun report on the Donald Trump role model and fellow scumbag, who not only recently arrested for soliciting sex from a masseuse, but who, according to "a former houseman," received three massages a day from girls who appeared to be, at the most, sixteen or seventeen years old. In case you haven't seen it, things get much worse.

He also reported that following Epstein massages he sometimes had to "wash off a massager/vibrator and a long rubber penis" which had been left in a sink. Alfredo Rodriguez, a former house manager, told probers that he "knew" Epstein's masseuses were still in high school. Rodriguez also told of having to "wipe down" vibrators and sex toys post-massage and returning them to an armoire near Epstein's bed.

It gets worse. About 22 pages of allegedly underage girls traipsing in and out of the house and engaging in various sexual acts with Epstein worse. The affidavid from a 14 year old girl, whose name is being withheld, names Haley Robinson and Sara Keller as two of the girls involved in this sick story. We can't get into all the details here — we have neither the stomach nor the time to sort through the novella sized account of Epstein's alleged escapades. What did jump out at us, however, more than the egg-shaped penis or the photos of naked underage girls all over his house, was the part which accounts Epstein's alleged rape of a sixteen year old girl. (Yes, all sex with a minor is rape, but this involves the girl screaming "No!" and Epstein paying her $1,000 after "forcibly holding her down on the table.")

CONTINUED »

• Britney Spears fires her pool boy, who, in turn, tells us she’s a bitch to Kevin Federline. Hey, at least admitting that he pisses her off proves she's human. [The Scoop]

&bll; Wesley Snipes likes to lick chocolate off of his lovers and “nibble” on their neck, suck their blood … the usual. [R&M]

• Wow. Things just get worse and worse for Jeffrey Epstein. Now, as it turns out, the massage girls were not only part of his "petting zoo" but they were ages 14-16. We're so proud that this guy was a member of the media. [Page Six]

• At least Peter Cook's mommy will always love him. [NYDN]

• Star speculates that Angelina Jolie's postpartum depression has set in. That, or she just really misses eating. [Star]

Someone poked their head in on recently arrested Jeffrey Epstein's private plane bedroom and what did they see?

Decorations! Gasp! Mirrors, rugs … really, really outlandish stuff. So tacky, the person who looked inside Epstein's room was embarrassed for him. Just appalled.

"I put my head in the bedroom and withdrew it immediately almost out of embarrassment. But I am left with two impressions: the fur throws and the mirrors. It's 100 percent Playboy," the source said.

The fact that he calls the girls he romps around in there with "his petting zoo" however, doesn't seem to evoke any emotion whatsoever from the anonymous WWD source. Fur throws, though … that's where the real foul play is here.

MAGIC FINGERS [Jacob Bernstein, WWD]

Uhh, we have no idea how this was not the first thing we saw when we woke up this morning. Call it Tuesday tardness or something … or blame it on the fact that we expect this type of shit to be on the media page instead of in the gossips. It is news for God's sake.

Turns out Jeffrey Epstein was busted for soliciting sex from a prostitute while lounging around his Palm Beach mansion. He asked a masseuse (who may or may not have actually been a hooker … since she called the cops instead of taking Epstein's money) to polish his rubdown off with a "happy ending." How freakin' original.

Epstein, once named by Page Six as one of the Big Apple's most eligible bachelors, was indicted for soliciting a prostitute at his luxurious home in Palm Beach. "He asked for a 'happy ending,' " a friend of the money manager said. It's believed that one masseuse called the cops earlier this year, sparking an investigation.

The former Radar backer claims to not understand exactly what he did wrong — because the indictment is sealed, and because he didn't realize that not everyone cougha up cash to get head. Epstein "surrendered" on Sunday at the Palm Beach precinct after he was told he had been indicted the week prior by a Florida grand jury. (This last anecdote makes us laugh!)

His charge was a third-degree felony, instead of a misdemeanor, despite the fact he hasn't been busted for solicitation previously. Epstein's defense? "They just want to bust me because I'm rich. Are there really people who don't pay for sex?"

MAGAZINE MOGUL IN SEX BUST [Page Six]