Useless list month continues at Forbes.

This week, it’s top selling faces, not in terms of plastic surgery requests, but by magazine sales. According to Forbes, Jennifer Aniston has the best selling mug.

But in the past year, Jennifer Aniston has not found love, lost love, become addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, overcome addiction to drug and/or alcohol, gained weight, lost weight, given birth to a child or adopted a child.

It’s a mystery to us that she even gets on the cover of tabloids, let alone sells them. But the list is kind of funny: Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, who’ve done nearly all of those things, didn’t even make it.

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• Sienna Miller isn't dating "that gross dude from Notting Hill." They're just sporting matching tattos. And wearing the exact same size in women's jeans.

• Raise your hand if you think Paula Abdul is ready to procreate. Hmmm, let's try this again. Raise your hand if you're someone other than Paula Abdul.

• Demi Moore lets too much time elapse in between Botox appointments.

• Pervy manager Lou Perlman gives us another reason to "just say no" to boy bands.

• Even gorgeous movies stars instinctively suck in their tummies when cute (if effeminate) boys are around.

• Cameron Diaz has an unglamorous Marilyn Monroe moment. Fortunately, the cameras are right there to capture it.

• Lindsay Lohan is "weeding out all the bad" in her life by spending five days alone with her newly rehabilitated deadbeat dad.

• Ben Affleck blames his entire lackluster film career on JLo's derriére.

• Have you guys seen the grainy photograph of two people who could, conceivably, vaguely resemble Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom wearing nothing but their swimsuits? Clearly, they're fucking.

• Kim Cattrall is apparently not over her mostly one-sided feud with Sarah Jessica Parker. Fortunately, both girls are consummate professionals and are determined to put aside their differences long enough to wrap the SATC movie and live off the royalties for the rest of time.

• On the one hand, Pamela Anderson is marrying Paris Hilton's ex-lover. On the other hand, the same could probably be said about 75% of the women in Hollywood.

• This innovative street art does nothing to "curb" our enthusiasm.

• Victoria Beckham to perform with the Pussycat Dolls, presumably because she encapsulates their unique brand of slim physique and questionable vocals.

• Meanwhile, Mariah Carey is mistaken for Britney Spears, presumably due to her propensity for gaining weight and history of cinematic abortions.

• Salma Hayek gives birth, but the world was too busy staring at Nicole Richie's protruding belly to notice.

• Finally! Someone admits Sex and the City would have been a whole lot sexier if the women on the show were still pre-menopausal.

• Jennifer Aniston has never looked happier than she does on the set of He's Just Not That Into You. Does anyone else find that strangely disconcerting?

• Jilted ex Jennifer Aniston to turn her humiliating personal life into mediocre movie magic by starring in the pseudo-autobiographical film adaptation of "He's Just Not That Into You."

• Stick figure Teri Hatcher takes it all off for the Badgley Mischa. Presumably, because Vladamir Putin was unavailable.

• Shame on you, Chuck Norris. Both for having plastic surgery and for making us buy that worthless piece of crap known as the "Total Gym."

• Is Suri Cruise the newest Baby Gap spokesmodel? But What would Xenu do??

• Despite popping out three children, Heidi Klum is still skinner than you've ever been. Ever.

• Hilary Duff stops taking her horse tranquilizers and goes on a bender. As a result, she shows up for work chubby and hungover.

• "Brad still loves Jen!" reports Star magazine. But it's more of an "I'll always care about you, but Angelina's way less frigid in the sack" sort of love.

• Only Hilary Duff could take her clothes off for Maxim and have the resulting photo spread be both classy and boring.

• Those frickin' Clay Aiken fans. It's like they're practically begging you to jam your foot on the accelerator and bump them from behind.

• An emaciated Courtney Love hits Rodeo Drive, flagged by her favorite mistake lovely daughter, Frances Bean.

• Carmen Electra: singlehandedly bringing "fuck-me boots" back.

You read in Page Six this morning that "an entertainment freelance reporter for one of the weeklies was unceremoniously booted" from Sunset Tower's Tower Bar in L.A. "after she was caught texting people that Jennifer Aniston was there with her new beau, Paul Colford Sculfor." The crowd was said to have applauded the reporter's removal.

If you'll pardon the irony of Page Six claiming "celebs can expect privacy" at the venue while it simultaneously reports all the events that occurred, we'd like to share with you the identity of said "entertainment freelance reporter for one of the weeklies." She's People's Lycia Nass, who joins the ranks of the Time Inc. tabloid's roster of reporters who have been booted from various establishments for overstepping their bounds. Just this month, a People person was ousted from Step Up's Inspiration Awards.

Look, I don't want to be rude or anything, but I usually don't talk about Jennifer in interviews. People should stop worrying about her life. I could talk about just how great she is doing at the moment, but then it's just an interview about her. I understand your position because her world is so public but, well, I can tell you we're both very fortunate to have each other.

–Courteney Cox, tired of talking about her Friend-ship with Jennifer Aniston. [via Popsugar]

• "Jericho fans assail CBS with 25 tons of peanuts." Fortunately, a stray elephant was on hand to reap all the benefits.

• Turns out Rufus Wainwright is more of a lady than we'll ever be.

• Jason Giambi asked to cooperate in MLB drug probe, presumably because of his "disappearing biceps" trick. And his microscopic testicles.

• Jennifer Aniston doesn't just hock SmartWater…she also pretends to drink it!

• Who knew that getting a book deal could totally ruin your life??

• Meanwhile, Brits who complain how expensive New York City is have apparently never actually made it to London.

• Paris Hilton thinks Sarah Silverman is a heinous bitch. And, for once, we totally agree!

• Also, Paris' less famous (but equally unempoyed!) brother gets mugged near Penn Station while the bouncers from Stereo point at him and laugh.

• Cuba Gooding Jr. saved a guy's life, then sent himself to bed without dinner.

• After a long-term relationship with beer-bellied Vince Vaughn, whoever would have pegged Jennifer Aniston for a modelizer?

• Bruce Willis credits Will Smith with helping him to accept ex-wife Demi Moore's relationship with Ashton Kutcher. In exchange, Willis conveniently agrees to forget about the time a gangly, lean-muscled Smith tried to convince us he was Mohammad Ali.

• In between getting fake engaged and showing off her "straight off the rack" rack, The Hills' Heidi Montag has also found ample time to stalk former bestie Lauren Conrad.

When it comes to celebrating Brangelina or laughing at Jennifer Aniston, guess whose side People is on.

After the whole embarrassing spectacle of Andy Roddick's giant man-arms (not to mention In Touch's anti-circlatory system stance on Angelina Jolie)) earlier this week, you'd think AMI would probably cut back on the Photoshopping for a little while.

You would, however, be wrong.

As Radar discovers, Star is already back to its usual tricks, starting with this week's cover story on actress Jennifer Aniston.

Seeing is believing, as Star magazine knows. That's why it illustrated its cover story about "Jen's $5 Million Tell-All!" with a shot of Jennifer Aniston carrying what is plainly the manuscript she's allegedly shopping around to publishers about her days with Brad Pitt.

But hang on—maybe Jen's not really writing a book? In which case, maybe Star's cover actually shows something else—say, Aniston attending an auction, holding an art catalog from Los Angeles Modern Auctions? And maybe Star simply airbrushed out the cover of the catalog, along with a pair of sunglasses she was holding, for good measure?

And while our first reaction is disappointment (we totally would have pre-ordered that book on Amazon!) our second reaction is more like feigned surprise.

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Oh Janice, how long will you keep up the fight against the competition? When your file cabinet marked "BAUER MISTAKES" empties? (Odds: Likely.)

As you can see, Janice is back on the attack against In Touch and Life & Style, who, according to this layout, can think of nothing but how bad Jen wants Brad back. Not so, says Us' carefully selected rebuttals.

But really, Min, why do this on the same week that you're admitting the Janet Jackson "How I Kept It Off" cover – where Janet explains how she maintained her 60 pound weight loss, despite paparazzi photos showing otherwise – underwent a "cosmetic touchup"? It just screams of … oh, what's the word? Oh, right: "Hypocrite."

• If milk does a body good, Jessica Simpson must be guzzling heifer juice by the gallon!

• Britney Spears continues to ransack her closet for cheap, bedraggled hooker ensembles.

• And while Brit's remembered to wear her undies (for once!) sadly, she's forgotten to take of the ridiculous cowboy hat that may or may not be glued to her wig.

• Plus, could Jennifer Aniston really be a cyborg? Sources close to Aniston say "That's the dumbest thing ever. Seriously. Ever."

• Meanwhile, if you want Angelina Jolie to star in your movie, better be prepared to offer a ridiculous salary, plus free helicopter lessons and a jumbo mansion for Brad.

• Posh, David Beckham are no longer homeless.

Did you watch Dirt last night? Yeah, neither did we. But we did manage to see footage of the over-hyped, underwhelming "makeout sesh" between Cox and Aniston! Turns out it was less "Girls Gone Wild" and more "Boring Peck On The Lips." Though we did appreciate the super slow-mo camera action, the cheesy music and the obligatory reaction shot of Cox's leering colleague.

[via Popsugar]

• Lindsay Lohan pulls an accidental Lizzie Grubman, backs her gigantic car over an opportunistic shutterbug who you just know has "1-800-I-N-N-O-C-E-N-T" on his speed dial.

• Jennifer Aniston contemplates a return to NYC. Now, who wants to gently break the news that "Central Perk" doesn't actually exist?

• Second-tier fashion designer Anand Jon has been arrested/charged with rape. Marc Jacobs would care, but he's too busy rehabbing with much more famous and important people.

• Sarah Jessica Parker's new fashion line will be cheaper than H&M! Guess it wasn't Olsen-inspired after all…

• Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson continue to sleep together without ever actually dating.

• Meanwhile, Jessica Simpson loves dogs so much she wants to adopt a child. Wait, what?

• Karl Lagerfeld vomits a little in his mouth after seeing Courtney Love wearing a knock-off of his designs.

• Diddy proves his game is on par with his lackluster rap skills by awkwardly surrounding an engaged chick, then decking her fiance.

• Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Anniston dish about deviated septums; Aniston still wins, by a nose.

• Mark Wahlberg and Joaquin passed on Brokeback Mountain, opting to choose homophobia over career-defining roles

• Kirsten Dunst to take a break from acting. Dunst plans to utilize the hiatus by cultivating outside interests, such as painting, binge-drinking and "slutting around."

• Scientology and Kabbalah in danger of being replaced by newer, trendier bullshit religion.

• Madonna won't allow her daughter to wear tight jeans, still "up in the air" about conical bras.

• Jennifer Aniston cleverly waits till Angelina becomes unattractively thin before suddenly becoming ready for a friendship with Brad.

• Hey, remember back when Justin used to have a Brillo-head and then he impulsively shaved it all off? How come nobody gave a shit about that?

• According to Pete Wentz, Ashlee Simpson is either a "creative person" or a "trainwreck." Naturally, we can't imagine which.

• Lindsay Lohan thought of legendary Robert Altman as a "father figure." And considering her own dad's an incarcerated jackass, it almost makes sense that she ditched Altman's funeral to booze with Steve-o.

• In the latest leaked ANS video, Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern sit back and watch as a very-pregnant Anna gets it on with the doc who kept her up to her ears in methadone.

• Donny Wahlberg somehow manages to land two babes in one night, goes out of his way to prove he's "nothing at all" like that Johnny Drama character he inspired on Entourage.

• The King of Page Six, Richard Johnson, attributes his gossip super-stardom to marrying a hottie and punching Village Voice columnists in the face.

• The obligatory Anna Nicole Smith update includes the number of meds in her system at the time of death (ten) and reports that her mom abhors Howard K. Stern.

• Vince shows up for Jen's bday bash. Must mean they're doing it again. Or else he wanted to see her new nose.

• Lindsay Lohan proves she's serious about turning her life around by buying the former pad of suicidal pin-up girl Marilyn Monroe.

• Sarah Jessica Parker may not still have her original nose but she definitely hasn't surgically altered those catcher's mitts hands of hers.

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Lavely & Singer – the Los Angeles power law firm that plays guardian to folks like Colin Farrell – is getting in touch with publications who might be interested in publishing a "nude or partially nude" photo of Jennifer Aniston that was, supposedly, unlawfully appropriated from footage shot for The Break Up, co-starring real-life fictional romance Vince Vaughn.

As you can imagine, they don't want the photo out there, as you'll recall what happened the last time a topless Aniston pic made the rounds. Teaming up with NBC Universal – which brokered The Break Up – they're firing off this note to anyone who might be tempted to purchase those leaked pics. Like, for instance, us.

(Click image for larger version in pop-up window)

The preemptive cease and desist goes on to say that should you be in possession of any of said photos, you must return them to NBC Universal.

Naturally, the document they sent over is vehemently marked up with "not for publication" notices. Cute, right?