• Nicole Richie pleads guilty to her second DUI in 5 years. As a result, she and her unborn fetus are sentenced to 4 days in rich-person jail.

• "Paris Hilton's post-prison 'new leaf' may be one you can smoke," reports Rush & Molloy, which is really just a clever way of saying she's on drugs.

• Lindsay Lohan tried to blame her crazy, coked-up car chase on a bunch of random black people.

• Meanwhile, after a gestation period of approximately 24 months, Naomi Watts finally gives birth to a forty-five pound music prodigy.

• From Page Six: "Jeremy [Shockey] is the coolest," said Scores dancer Devin. "He complimented me on my new boob job, which makes me a 36D." Um, nice?

• Who would have guessed that the next William Faulkner would turn out to be none other than "Allison" from Melrose Place?