Were you under the impression that fun, exciting wars were reserved for disputes between races, religions, tribes and nations? Wrong, silly. Computer companies can do battle also. Sure, it's even more stupid and offensive than regular combat, but at least the only casualties are money and dignity.
The image at right that looks like it was taken from an Apple ad was, in fact, taken from a Microsoft ad. Is your mind blown? That's the point. After pulling their ineffective, strange Seinfeld-Gates ads only two weeks after they premiered, Microsoft is striking again with a hipper, slicker attack. Sick of being pigeonholed as the computer for boring old turds, Microsoft is co-opting Apple's "nerd" character to do its PC bidding.
In a new 15-second spot, the "nerd" announces, "Hello. I'm a PC. And I've been made into a stereotype." Viewers are then introduced to a decidedly un-nerdy group of happy PC users, including children, Deepak Chopra and Pharrell Williams. Cool, right? Fuckin' Chopra, man.
Like a sleeping giant, Google continues to plot in the shadows, patiently awaiting the day when Microsoft and Apple kill each other and make room for its total world domination.
Jerry Seinfeld will probably collect his full $10 million fee from Microsoft, even though the software giant has, effective immediately, killed all of his ad spots and promises no new ones. The ads, which featured Seinfeld and Microsoft wonderboy Bill Gates palling around shoestores and strangers' homes, got a collective thumbs down from the tech blogs, while the advertising industry halfheartedly got behind them. Nobody, however, seems to have asked the consumer what they thought of the ads, and really, that's who these spots were aimed at. But Microsoft caved to peer pressure, pulling the spots so as to not further anger the tech blogs who already hate the company. Is this Microsoft's new policy?: Listen to criticism. But, ugh, of course any new policy is, in typical Microsoft fashion, going to come with weekly updates.
Right when you were on the verge of giving up on Microsoft because they have zero advertising competence, the megacorp does a one-two punch and delivers this marginally clever second (and longer) installment of "Bill and Jerry do stuff together:"
Microsoft spent $10 million lure Jerry Seinfeld away from his Macintosh-using television character to star in an advertisement with the company's most well-known face, Bill Gates. The ad showed the pair squishing shoes together and walking in a parking lot. It did not mention Windows Vista, the software giant's very expensive fuck up to get the world's business and consumers to keep dumping money into their pockets. The point of the ad was to reverse the tide of negative feelings toward Microsoft. While Apple is championed as the design-friendly underdog, Microsoft is the 800 guerrilla with fangs. So it might be bad, then, that tech bloggers the web over have thrown Microsoft in an outhouse and loaded a wrecking ball aimed squarely at the porta-pooper. CONTINUED »
Though Bill Gates doesn't much work for them anymore, and Jerry Seinfeld is mostly associated with American Express these days, Microsoft enlisted the pair of them to convince America that despite its troubles getting documents to print or iTunes to function, Windows is the cat's growl. The spot they put together is, sigh, pretty clever, as you would expect from the Seinfeldian school of thought. And Gates, despite his billions, comes across as relatable, cute, and our dad. Will it make us ditch XP for Vista anytime soon? No. But that's not what this ad is intended to do. After seeing it, you're supposed to start thinking warm fuzzies about Microsoft, rather than making it a punchline while waiting in line to buy a MacBook Air. CONTINUED »
Listen Jerry, your show is in syndication around the world. You just had that Bee Movie last year, and guest-starred in that 30 Rock episode (Seinfeld Vision!). Why are you trying so hard to promote the Seinfeld-brand that hasn't been relevant in a decade? Sure, there is no way in hell you had anything to do with that marketing nightmare Seinfeld bus that is currently being driven across the America, but now there's this news of you teeming up with Bill Gates for a Window's Vista commercial. Listen, everyone needs to put food on their table, and pay for a 800-car garage, but can you just tone it down a notch? There are children of your original fans sleeping in the next room.
"Remember when Jerry Seinfeld was getting married and starting to have kids with wife, Jessica? He swore he would not work either subject into his stand-up act. Well, he’s gone back on his word." [Fox 411]
If you're already in the Hamptons before Memorial Day, you must be hot shit. But if you're cruising through town in a 1967 Fiat BTM? You 'da coolest!
Jerry Seinfeld sure thought he was, until his brakes gave out while pedaling through East Hampton, and his car flipped over and skidded to within yards of a highway. Amazingly, he walked away unscathed, and didn't even stop by the hospital to sign autographs.
Is Jerry Seinfeld really planning a return to network TV? PageSix.com hears rumors he's in talks with NBC to make a June return with a Curb Your Enthusiasm "but with Jerry, instead of Larry" style show. But we've seen Michael Richards try, and fail. Same with Jason Alexander. Twice. Only Julia Louis-Dreyfus, with the Emmy-winning The New Adventures of Old Christine has managed to survive the Seinfeld curse. Don't temp the gods.
And it sounds like Seinfeld isn't. Both his and NBC's reps are refuting the claim. NBC's Rebecca Marks: "There's nothing to [the rumors]. Seinfeld's Elizabeth Clark Zoia: "We appreciate the enthusiasm, however."
Remember how smug Jerry Seinfeld was about the whole plagiarism thing about his wife’s cookbook, Deceptively Delicious? How he called Missy Chase Lapine, a nutjob on national TV? And how he pretended that the rich and famous were less petty than the poor and insignificant?
Well, that nutjob is suing Seinfeld for defamation and his wife, Jessica, for plagiarism. The suit doesn’t specify monetary damages, but the Seinfelds are rich, so she's probably expecting a bigger payday than she would have gotten from her cookbook anyway. And without Bee Movie to promote, Seinfeld will have to rely on re-runs of the Shrinkage episode to win back public opinion.
Even though we know that special issues of the New Yorker are just an excuse for more ad pages, we still fall for the Cartoon Issue, which came out last week. After all, cartoons are the reason we still read started reading the New Yorker.
But this year’s edition featured a cartoon by Lee Lorenz (left) that seemed eerily similar to a drawing by Gary Larson (right) from 1984. CONTINUED »
Although this video's been making the rounds for some time now, we strongly encourage those of you who haven't seen it to take a look. The subject? Jerry Seinfeld, megalomaniac. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I understand that there’s nothing more satisfying to a journalist than to take someone like me who appears to have had an easy life and appears to have now hit the jackpot. Journalists get a lot of pleasure making me or someone in a situation like mine seem like god-awful people, and that’s always been the assumption about me.
– Jessica Seinfeld acknowledges her public image has always left something to be desired, opens up about her reputation, her cookbook and the beginnings of her relationship with Jerry Seinfeld [NYT]
Jerry Seinfeld has been everywhere these days: attacking small time authors on the Late Show, chatting it up with Larry King and generally promoting his new animated feature, Bee Movie, like crazy.
If that weren't annoying enough, one of NBC-sponsored ads for the movie was bizarrely anti-gay, and not even in a funny way.
In the spot, Matthew Broderick is concerned about some fictitious gay subplots. Instead of defending the points with "not that there's anything wrong with that," Jerry insisted it's a family movie. Well, we guess Jerry's never seen All Aboard! Rosie's Family Cruise. Family movies can too be gay.
What’s a little vegetable plagiarism, among friends?
Jerry Seinfeld defended his wife’s honor on Monday night on David Letterman, claiming that any similarity between his wife’s book, Deceptively Delicious, and Missy Chase Lapine’s book, The Sneaky Chef, is just a coincidence. Also, a coincidence: HarperCollins rejected The Sneaky Chef a few months before they published Jessica Seinfeld’s version of it.
Right about now, James Frey and Kaavya Viswanathan are probably wishing they had married successful entertainers.
CONTINUED »
Jessica Seinfeld, who it should be stated as much as possible is married to Jerry Seinfeld, is the author of a best selling cookbook, Deceptively Delicious. The recipes teaches parents how to manipulate their kids into eating spinach. Sounds like A+ parenting.
One problem though. Missy Chase Lapine, who is married to no one famous, published the The Sneaky Chef in April, which has many of the same recipes as Seinfeld's book. Lapine even submitted her book to Seinfeld’s publisher, HarperCollins, in February and May 2006. At the time, HarperCollins rejected Lapine’s book because it was “too similar” to another title on their list.
Of course, no other title on HarperCollins' list had a connection to the guy who put “yada, yada, yada” into the vernacular.
Jessica Seinfeld denies stealing Lapine’s work, and Jerry Seinfeld told the Times, “Let’s be realistic — my wife isn’t in this for the money or the publicity.”
Being famous is so great. Not only do you get book deals you don’t deserve, you get a pass on any possible wrongdoing.
Forbes breaks the news that Oprah is rich. Really, really rich. Last year, she earned $260 million. To give that some perspective, Jerry Seinfeld, the second highest paid person in television, made less than a fourth of Oprah's income.
What’s the deal with that?
[Forbes]
Last night, we had a couple of fashion parties to attend and as a result, we missed another exhilarating night of primetime tennis. Thankfully, we'd programmed our DVR to record it, mostly because owing to our joint crush on Andy Roddick (Mandy Moore's ex) and Roger Federer (Anna Wintour's masturbatory fantasy) and eagerly flipped on the television this morning lest we inadvertently stumble across an article telling us who won.
Unfortunately, in order to get up to the Roddick/Federer match we first had to fast-forward through what seemed like a never-ending battle between Venus Williams and her quarter-finals opponent, Jelena Jankovic.
At one point we paused to yawn and check the score (Jankovic was up 6-4, 1-0) and that's when we stumbled upon what would prove to be the highlight of an unbelievable match, namely: a live interview with Jerry Seinfeld and the notoriously reclusive Larry David, who just happened to be watching from the stands.
• Jeez! Can't a famous actress go down on her boyfriend in public without the paparazzi making a federal case about it? A little privacy, people!
• Nappy-headed ho tall black woman sues Don Imus for defamation of character.
• In addition to training her 2 year-old son to fetch her cigarettes (or as Brit calls them, "Mom's Lollipops") Britney Spears is also (allegedly!) a perma-drunk, nanny-seducing lesbo.
• As it turns out, Jerry Seinfeld really is "Master of His Domain."
• It's official, you need to be on hallucinogens to appreciate the food at the Waverly Inn.
• Jerry Seinfeld discovers the best way to market his family-friendly bee movie: make unfunny jokes about bees raping each other.
• Jodie Foster has lots of love from the lesbians, despite the fact that she still refused to admit she's one of them.
• Damon Wayans to stop reliving his In Living Color glory days? Unfortunately, "homie don't play that."
• You wouldn't believe how many different ways there are of spoiling your pooch. Unfortunately for Rover, you can't afford any of them.
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