Any sense of Anglo-Saxon solidarity we felt with sane British people who were also forced to deal with crazy Christians is gone. An English high court has ruled against the Christian group that had sued the BBC for blasphemy for screening Jerry Springer: The Opera in 2005.

We just can’t help but resent the British for a have justice system that actually protects them against religious loonies.

Yay! Intern Wendy is here to save the day. We've got your snack right here, kiddies, so just relax. This week, Glenn Beck tried to seduce viewers with autographed photos of Anderson Cooper and Tucker Carlson hung out with his new Dancing With the Stars BFF Jerry Springer. We know this weather is depressing, but the long weekend is just around the corner, so do yourself a favor and laugh at Nancy Grace. Really, it helps.

• "I know, but now that he has got job, it kind of wrecks it, though. You know what I mean?" —Tucker Carlson, pissed off that Kevin Federline found employment, Tucker, August 28

• "OK. So he`s not just a perv, he`s a hairless perv." —Nancy Grace, hot for John Mark Karr post-laser treatments, Nancy Grace, August 29

• "I mean, I think I could even score you an autographed picture of Anderson Cooper. I don`t know, you know, if I can get it personalized." —Glenn Beck, pimping out Anderson Cooper for viewers, Glenn Beck, August 29

•"Six truckloads carrying more than 220,000 pounds of tomatoes. Or is it tomates in Spain? I'm not sure. They were used – people pelted with – each other. We've all seen this. It happens every year. We have to talk about it every year." —Anderson Cooper, hasn't been practicing Spanish with Julio, Anderson Cooper 360, August 30

• "Have they ever like stopped a dance in the middle? You know how you stop a fight. That‘s what I‘m concerned about. That someone‘s going to throw in the towel in the middle of my dance and say get him out of here." —Jerry Springer, longing to literally throw in the towel, Tucker, August 30

• "I hope they asked her if she has facial hair and would she wear a push-up bra, too." —Pat Lalama, on what else Katie Couric needs photoshopped, Showbiz Tonight, August 30

• "We were once called "Crossfire on methamphetamines" when we first got started!" —Alan Colmes, on why their viewers are crackheads, Hannity and Colmes, August 30

• MTV continues its international Trippin' by following Angelina Jolie around Africa for an episode of Diary.

• Playgirl's latest sex poll reveals 42 percent of women appreciate a guy with love handles and nearly half give a thumbs up to chest hair.

• The horse teeth veneers were one thing, but now Hilary Duff is sporting black hair. A wig, we're assuming, but it's not doing much to keep her from looking 35.

• Eminem pulled the plug on his European Anger Management tour, citing exhaustion. You know, the same health problem we all suffer so often.

• Singer Marc Cohn's alleged assailant, Joseph Yacteen, has been charged with first-degree attempted murder after the August 7 shooting of Elizabeth Vargas' husband left him lucky to be alive.

• The London opera Jerry Springer might not make its nationwide tour after the Arts Council England cut its funding. Of course that had nothing to do with Christian groups protesting the show's depiction of Jesus, God and Mary as talk show guests.

• Power Rangers child actor Skylar Deleon is being charged, along with his wife Jennifer Henderson Deleon, with the yacht murder of a wealthy California couple.

• We'd hate ourselves if we didn't remind you that we've got Jude Law's penis pics for your gazing pleasure.