We spent all day yesterday waiting for The New Republic’s article on the Times’s article on John McCain.

And today we spent all day waiting for the New York Times to defend itself on the article.

If it weren’t for John McCain and the New York Times, we would just be thinking of the meaningless of life. If God exists, surely he’s behind this entertaining mini-scandal.

The Times answers are exactly what you’d expect. In short, they’re happy with the piece.

• Bill Keller goes first. The basic question was “What the fuck were you thinking publishing the story?” Keller’s response: Hey, it’s a legitimate story! It’s part of our Long Series! Jack Shafer agreed! Case closed.

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• Jessica Alba doesn't work out. Doesn't diet. Doesn't prevaricate. Ever.

• Don't bee afraid of using your cellphone at those fancy garden parties. It was actually a virus that was killing all the bumblebees.

• Breaking: Another conservative Republican candidate is formally opposed to same-sex marriage.

• Amy Winehouse's father generously offers to take control of her bank account.

• Former underwear model Antonio Sabato Jr. is looking for a lovely lady who doesn't mind getting up early, giving up alcohol and riding on the back of a Harley.

Arthur Sulzberger doesn't have time to answer Michael Calderone's silly questions. Michael, who's filed items about Rupert Murdoch's bid for Dow Jones for weeks in the New York Observer, got in touch with the New York Times chief about the paper's multi-bureau investigative team dedicated to exposing all of Rup's secrets. Why, Michael asked, such the man power? Retorted Sulz: "Are you serious?"

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"The New York Times is currently undertaking a major news investigation, led by managing editor Jill Abramson," writes this morning's Observer, "into News Corp.’s business dealings throughout the world, according to a source with knowledge of the project." Good thing, too, since that lard ass of an "investigative" business magazine Si Newhouse is spitting out would need this pitch to slice papercuts on its lips, between the fingers, and under the nail for it to get any attention.

• Still recovering from a car accident earlier this month, Times' managing editor Jill Abramson has finally checked out of Bellevue hospital. During her stay, Abramson kept herself busy cooking up frivolous lawsuits working on a top-secret investigative project for Bill Keller.

• Despite failing to "shiver me timbers," Pirates breaks box office records over the weekend. Or does it?

• Dennis publishing announces plans to open Maxim Bungalows hotel in the Dominican Republic, presumably catering to those conservative types.

• Forbes encourages NBC to "save the peacock" by adding more reality tv programming. Which is so funny, because we were just talking about the dearth of shitty reality television nowadays.

• Lou Dobbs continues to blur the line between truth and fiction with his controversial reporting. Related: Janice Min to target Dobbs in Us Weekly's next 'Fake News' roundup.

Three New York Times journalist were arrested and detained in the Ogaden region of Ethiopia, reports the Times. The journos were reportedly imprisoned for five days, interrogated at gunpoint and prevented from contacting the American Embassy, despite the fact that no charges were filed against them. After their eventual release, NYT' executive editor Bill Keller was quick to thank everyone who helped expedite the end of this ordeal and to lambaste those who failed to cooperate.

“Now we are looking for explanations,” Keller said. “Why were journalists on a legitimate newsgathering assignment arrested, imprisoned for five days, manhandled and threatened? Why were they denied a chance to communicate with the American embassy in Ethiopia, or with civilian officials of the Ethiopian government? Why were we unable to get accurate information about their whereabouts and condition?”

Keller said he hoped his stern words would help get across the message that this type of behavior is not acceptable. If all else fails, however, Jill Abramson has graciously offered to file a massive lawsuit against the entire population of Ethiopia.

May 8, 2007 (Memo from Bill Keller to NYT staff: Jill Abramson was in an accident)

Jill Abramson was involved in a traffic accident this morning, and is in the emergency ward at Bellevue Hospital. She is conscious (in fact, she managed to be both funny and stoic through her morphine haze, so the essential Jill seems to be intact) but she has a badly broken leg and is being checked for other injuries…Will keep you posted.

May 9, 2007: (NYP: Page Six update, "no one did anything illegal")

These are trying times for New York Times Managing Editor Jill Abramson. The highest-ranking woman in the Times' newsroom, she was rushed to Bellevue Hospital after a private sanitation truck ran over her foot in Midtown yesterday morning. She was crossing at the intersection of West 54th Street and Seventh Avenue just as the garbage hauler was making a right turn. Cops tell us no one did anything illegal and the driver won't be charged.

May 22, 2007: (NY Sun: "Times Editor Sues Truck Driver Over Broken Foot")

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• While contemplating life after The Price is Right, Bob Barker realizes he'll miss playing Plinko the most. That, and getting blitzed on sherry then hitting on the spokesmodels before every show.

• Lou Dobbs still in hot water for calling illegal immigrants a bunch of job-stealing lepers.

• Times' Managing Editor, Jill Abramson, was in a traffic accident yesterday that involved a private sanitation truck rolling over her foot and a whole lot of morphine.

• British newspapers mercilessly mock President Bush for his unintentionally awkward reception of the queen.

• Word to the wise: if you're going to engage in insider trading, don't go overboard and buy $15,000,000 worth of shares.

• Meanwhile, Conrad Black is officially screwed. And not in the "good" way.

• The marketing geniuses at the New Yorker seem to think flying fish will stick with their audience. [FBNY]

• Yeah, all those bloggers are just lazy shits who couldn't hack it in the journalism world. And we know that all those journos are just so good at blogging. [PI]

• Jill Abramson's diatribe is living proof that newspapers are alive … albeit in their last stages of terminal illness, but alive nonetheless. [NY Sun]

• Tsk, tsk. David Carr is sorely mistaken if he thinks the "time to make the doughnuts" guy didn't eat that shit for free all the time. [NYO]

• It's not just the public who doesn't really approve of President Bush. The liberal-ish media aren't too fond of him, either. [NYO]

• Brian Farnham joins Time Out New York as EIC. Dan Peres is totally jealous. [WWD]

• Bertelsmann, a German company, is looking to create a MySpace type site for an older, lonelier crowd. Don't they know that all the old lonely people already stalk underage teens on MySpace? [Cnet]

• Jack Shafer reveals his thoughts on media bias: it sells big time. And he completely duped us into reading his long involved column while he was at it. [Slate]

• New York Women in Communications Inc. honored "eight ladies of renown" with its Matrix awards yesterday. The only place where Jill Abramson, Candace Bushnell and Geena Davis can receive the same level or recognition — except when it comes to their outfits. [Fishbowl NY]

• Michael Wolff's latest political rant pretty much rips Press Secretary Scott McClellan a new one. Again, we try not to agree with Wolff, but we just always happen to hate the same people. [VF]