• If the mere image of Jimmy Buffett tripping on X and asking someone for a shoulder massage doesn't make you cringe, it probably means you blocked out those memories of high school tailgate parties. [Page Six]

• Did Jennifer Lopez took her deviant-private jetting lessons from David Pecker per chance? [NYDN]

• It doesn’t seem like Cassidy will be writing any lyrics about rolling over his competition. Too soon? Too bad, it's funny. [NME]

• So this is what Andre 3000 has been doing. You know, instead of making real music. [Pitchfork Media]

• Al Gore gets in a huge fake fight with Lindsay Lohan … but that's all we know. Nikki Finke turned off the TV just before Al threatened to get nekked. [LA Weekly]

• The crazy Canadians use photos of George Clooney and Orlando Bloom to encourage women to spread their legs. [FMT]

• Note to Rocco DiSpirito: putting a book by your night stand is not equivilant to reading. [R&M]

• A fake Jimmy Buffett is on the loose in the Hamptons, conning clam shakers out of their hard earned … clams … and getting 40 year old tennis moms to get parrot tattoos on their cleavage. [Page Six]

• Ah, Newsday. Always bringing us the news we're dying to know, such as "what are the cast members of Beverly Hills 90210 are doing now?" That's right, kids — absolutely nothing. [Newsday]