• Faith Hill tells a grabby Tim McGraw fan to "show some respect," keep her hands to herself and refrain from any activity that involves balls flying at her face. In response, an omnipresent Stacy Dash quipped, "Well, there goes your social life."

• "WHICH actress' weight gain is being blamed on her scoundrel ex-boyfriend who knocked her up? She only started shedding some of the weight when he forced her to terminate her pregnancy." Aw, they called Jessica Simpson an "actress."

• We fully believed that Heidi Klum was modeling the chicest, most outrageous in cutting-edge couture until a small child laid eyes on her and said, "But she has nothing on!"

• Joe Pesci to marry Sly Stallone's ex.

• OMG, Paris Hilton was disinherited by her grandfather, reports a myriad of unreliable websites.

• Kelly Osbourne drops thirty pounds by eating healthy, exercising regularly going heavy on the Photoshop.

• Since they’ve now started playing “Crazy” on adult contempo, expect a lot of painfully hip 40 somethings at this concert. (Thurs. 8/17) [NYM]

• Okay, we’re kind of cheesed out by this whole Amsterjam thing. But isn’t just a little part of you curious about how Busta Rhymes and Tom Petty will sound together? (Sat. 8/19) [Heineken]

• Nothing says summertime like watching Ray Liotta and Joe Pesci whack that guy from the Sopranos. (Wed. 8/16) [FreeNYC]

• $5 buys you all the champagne you can ever possibly drink. Which is pretty cheap considering how much the ambulance ride will cost you. (Tues. 8/15) [MyOpenBar]

• Wu-Tang Clan, at Webster Hall? Seriously, go and watch Baird Jones dance. Totally worth it. (8/16) [Oh My Rockness]