Ever the media-savvy businessman, Joe Simpson has publicly responded to the same rumors we hear about him every week (he’s a creepy control-freak), and his defense isn’t helping. “The media says that I try to plan everything,” Joe says. “If I had half of the power they give me…” Um, then what? Do we want to know?
So apparently the Jessica Simpson-Tony Romo relationship is really back in action, but only on Romo’s terms. According to a friend, for some bizarre reason, Tony thinks Papa Joe is too involved in the relationship. That really came out of nowhere.
Why would Joe Simpson want daughter Jessica's ex-boyfriend Tony Romo at Ashlee's wedding? "To come to show support for the wedding," as one Us Weekly source says? [Us] Or because papa Joe knows that the more celebrities at Ashlee's wedding, the more exposure he can get, and the more he can possibly charge. We've already reported he sold the wedding pics to People for an estimated $1.3 million, but with Romo there, the gossip currency only grows. And let's just hope Joe didn't promise People that Tony would be there.
So yeah, Tony, go show your "support" for "the wedding," and not Joe's bank balance.
World's sketchiest dad Joe Simpson has been making the tabloid rounds with hopes of selling his daughter Ashlee's pregnancy pics. Asking price? $1 million. Laughing price? $60k, or that's what at least one magazine editor estimates would be paid for them. That is, these photos aren't that salable, even if a package deal includes exclusive shots of her baby bump, an interview, and the newborn pics.
And don't forget the timing of all this: Ashlee's album Bittersweet World was a non-starter in the realm of buzz; now she's getting free advertising from all the paparazzi coverage and pseudo-denials about her pregnancy.
And if there actually aren't any cells splitting in her womb, it would be a new low, even for the press-hungry Simpson family — it's a sad day when even an engagement between Ashlee and Pete Wentz isn't enough to fuel the gossip mill.
Our daily attempt to help you seem smart, even if you’re not
benefic \buh-NEFF-ik\ adjective
: of, having, or exerting a favorable influence
Ashlee Simpson has had a benefic effect on Pete Wentz's goal of destroying any musical credibility he once had.
• OMG! Harry Potter is hitting it with Hermione. If J.K. Rowling were dead, she'd be rolling over in her grave. Since she's alive, she's probably pleased with any extra DVD sales that result from the romance.
• Gene Simmons has a sex tape. We're only surprised this didn't surface earlier.
• Jessica Simpson doesn't want to become the next Kirstie Alley, and is consequently being sued for $10 million.
• Speaking of Simpsons, Joe Simpson wants Tony Romo to become the next Nick Lachey. Not a good call, man.
• Britney Spears needs the anti-depressants that help people remember to wear underwear.
• Lourdes Maria Ciccone Leon growing fame makes us feel old.
Since they didn’t get a chance to write about Heath Ledger’s last days, this week OK! covered America’s emotional train wreck, Jessica Simpson
In an article subtly titled “Jessica Dumped!,” OK! says that Tony Romo had left Simpson after the Cowboys lost in the playoffs. The article also claims that Jess and Ash were no longer sisters who were also BFF. F!
Not true at all, shouts the Simpson camp. Her lawyers say the OK! piece “is based on nothing more than rumor, gossip and innuendo." Um, yeah? CONTINUED »
• Joe Simpson would never let his daughter Jessica take a role that calls for full or partial nudity! But maybe that's where her more attractive, less talented younger sister comes in?
• And now we finally understand what Lindsay Lohan sees in cheesy actor James Franco.
• Blender subtly alerts everyone in the free world that Britney Spears is way too fat to be photographed in the style of a voluptuous size 14.
• On the other hand, who says skintight clothes and micro-minis should be wasted on the impossibly thin?
• David Beckham's underwear campaign gets the Justin Timberlake treatment.
• Joe Simpson takes time off from micromanaging his daughter's career to micromanage her social life.
• Seeing these college frat guys dressed up as The Golden Girls makes us nostalgic for that episode where Blanche made a sexual innuendo, Dorothy rolled her eyes and Rose said, "What? I don't get it." And for those college nights when you're too inebriated to worry about how those incriminating drunken photos will impede your post-graduation job prospects.
• Recovering alcoholic Lindsay Lohan allegedly knocked back a few drinks this past Thanksgiving. Presumably, the inevitable consequence of spending any extended period of time with her mother/enabler Dina.
Although we can’t always shake the nasty habit of writing in the royal we, occasionally one of our editors decides to shake off the cloak of anonymity to write a short, pithy statement long, rambling diatribe about a topic of their choice. Today, Debbie Newman is that editor.
Last week, we learned that "Body Armor King" David Brooks siphoned over $200 million in company pension funds to support his "lavish lifestyle," including a staggering $10 million to pay for what his daughter's friends (despite since drifting to rival mean-girl cliques) still uniformly refer to as the "most awesome Bat Mitzvah EVER." Today, comes reassuring evidence that Brooks loves his two over-privileged children equally. His son's Jewish rite-of-passage reportedly broke the bank at over half million dollars.
And that was just to pay for shiksa goddess Jessica Simpson's off-key rendition of "Happy Birthday."
On why Jessica Simpson is so (cough) normal:
We have a real family. You can’t just put these kids out in the world and they’re on their own. I can remember a time when Jessica was singing at Madison Square Garden and her outfit ripped before she went on. We were there for her.
On Ashlee Simpson's rhinoplasty:
Girls have their own ideas. Anyway, there was a real problem with her breathing and that was cured.
On Jessica and Nick's divorce:
I do blame 50 percent of their break-up on the media.
–Joe Simpson, manager-slash-father to marginally talented singing sensations, Jessica and Ahslee. [via Fox]
A fist-wielding Joe Simpson jumps into action when he mistakenly perceives his surgically enhanced younger daughter to be in danger. Because this is what happens when your father-slash-manager micromanages your ENTIRE LIFE and your hump-buddy (and would-be defender) is far too worried about his guyliner smudging to jump to your defense. [Mollygood]
Her next album will be country, her father tells People.
From People: "Jessica Simpson Turns Down 'Porn Star' Role." 'We were promised we would win an Oscar with that,' says father-manager-idiot Joe Simpson. "I was like, 'Eh, we'll just buy a [statue of a] little man and keep our clothes on.'"
• Backstreet's back… again.
• We hear intergalactic travel is so much better when you're wasted.
• We always felt bad for the youngest son on Home Improvement. Twelve years later, we still do.
• O.J. Simpson's maybe, sorta confessional is now available…at a home computer near you.
• ALLLLVIN- Was this not the worst idea ever?
• Lindsay Lohan, on binge-drinking: "'I never passed out in my life! I never vomited from having drinks. Like in public. I would never do that. Well–' she amends, 'a few times. Well, everyone does in high school. I'm not saying everyone.'"
• Rumor has it Joe Simpson wants to be Britney Spears' new father figure/sleazy, lecherous manager.
• Aw, let's all take a nostalgic look back at pre-crackhead (and pre-reformed crackhead) Whitney Houston. Who loves to dance!
• Hugh Grant only likes to perform when he knows people are watching.
• LL Cool J to star on Broadway! Looks as though his steady diet of whey protein shakes, and daily 11-hour workouts have finally paid off!
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Editorial Director
