It wasn't an episode of Ashton Kutcher's forgettable Pop Fiction, but you've got to respect Nicole Richie and Joel Madden's prank on the press: by playing into Star magazine's (false) report that the two were getting married in a $2 million ceremony.
On Saturday, Madden updated GoodCharlotte.com to say "WE DID IT!! NICOLE AND I FINALLY GOT MARRIED!! click here for the pictures!!" And pictures there were: Of a wedding cake, and a, um, gorilla groom and bride, along with a note, "Haha, just kidding." CONTINUED »
Yesterday we mentioned in passing that Paris Hilton was hooking up with Benji Madden. And this was only news because Benji is Joel Madden's twin, and Joel Madden impregnated Nicole Richie, and Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton are ex-bffs.
But allegedly, they're totally for reals and Benji called her "the one."
Since 2008, Paris has been the one, or the one night for, Jared Leto, Simon Rex and Elisha Cuthbert.
Plus, she's been engaged to more people than we have fingers. We're just saying, Paris Hilton cries relationship a lot. We're not going buy her story anymore.
• Avril Lavigne proves she can skank it up for the cover of Maxim just as well as anyone in the cool clique of B-list celebrities.
• Christina Aguilera got a c-section because she wanted to keep her vag tight. Those weren't her words, but what she does say amounts to that.
• Tina Fey is hosting the first post-strike Saturday Night Live.
• Nicole Richie and Joel Madden hold onto to their outsider status by getting their coffee some place other than Starbucks.
• "Jamie Lynn Spears Is A Giant Whore" and other things her unborn child probably doesn't want to know.
• Ironic imprisonment of former Prison Break star is less amusing for Lane Garrison than it is for us.
BREAKING Nicole Richie is in labor. Currently, Us Weekly doesn't know how many centimeters she has dilated. [US Weekly]
• Nicole Richie joins everyone over the age of 13 in making fun of Lizzy McGuire.
• As the FBI's case against maybe-rapist David Copperfield grows stronger with every passing day, fellow illusionist Criss Angel is totally on the verge of conceding that his wand-toting rival just might be the Creepiest Magician Of Them All.
• Halle Berry attempts to divert attention away from her "Jewish people have funny noses" gaffe by waving her disconcertingly large boobs in everyone's faces.
• Meanwhile, we keep hearing all this talk about Christina Aguilera's "twins." Come on, people. Is that really any way to refer to a pregnant lady's funbags?
• The fat one from N'Sync tries to educate Britney on the art of fading into obscurity.
• Allow us to show you what your favorite celebrities will look like three plastic surgeries from now.
• Rumer Willis' new peroxide-blond 'do would look so much better if she was wearing one of her trademark ugly hats.
• Joel Madden may not have cheated on Nicole with Hilary Duff, but we're guessing he at least ogled her funbags.
• Will Smith's adorable son Jayden to star in the remake of Karate Kid that nobody wanted.
• After earning praise for her navy backless number at the Academy Awards, Hilary Swank takes another fashion risk by dressnig up as a Human X-Ray.
This just in: Joel Madden has apparently just changed his Blackberry instant messenger name (kind of like AOL instant messenger, but slightly more elitist!) to "JoelLovesNicole." Take that, Star magazine!
Joel Madden is super serious about the girl he accidentally got pregnant. On Ryan Seacrest’s radio show this morning, Madden said, “Obviously, marriage is in our future.”
At least they're maintaining the pretense of stability between a burnt out musician and an ex-reality-TV star for the sake of the baby.
[People]
• Yep, turns out Rachel Marsden isn't at all bitter about getting booted from her recurring gig at Red Eye.
• There's nothing like sitting in your lawnchair for a solid 9 hours. Particularly if it's 1,000 feet in the air.
• Don't you just hate it when you go to Club Med for a relaxing week of fun in the sun, watermelon martinis, and, of course, the swinging trapeze, when all of sudden, you hear this horrible rumor that the magazine you worked for no longer exists?
• Vincent Chase, keep your pants on! Apparently, the only full frontal male nudity we'll be seeing on this season of Entourage is that of the "unattractive tranny" persuasion.
• Joel Madden is pissed at unemployed loser Spencer Pratt for allegedly referring to his rapidly expanding girlfriend (she's up to Size 0 now!) as a "skinny bitch."
• Diddy gets over the pain of losing longtime girlfriend (and the mother of his children) Kim Porter by having a cathartic threesome with two skanks in "teeny black dresses" on July 4th.
• Mariah Carey hits the jackpot with her new movie, in which she plays a singer/actress trying desperately to make all of us forget about a little something called Glitter.
• Meanwhile, Maria Bartiromo can trademark the name "Money Honey," but she can't trademark being a relatively famous news anchor and having ill-advised extramarital affairs with high profile interview subjects.
• Kevin Spacey hates being called fruity, loves ordering "the fruitiest beer" in the bar. Denial much?
• Not everyone in showbiz is an Obama fan. A crazy/hilarious YouTuber croons: "Hillary! I like your hair. The pantsuits you wear. And the shape of your derrière." Which, apparently, is much less humorous out of context.
• Nicole and Joel to celebrate the unexpected birth of their first child with an equally unexpected shotgun wedding. Huzzah!
Have you heard? It's so exciting! Nicole Richie and Joel Madden (a.k.a. "MadRich") are unexpectedly expecting! Which explains why Richie's been looking like such a big fat heifer these days.
In any event, TMZ and In Touch have officially confirmed the pregnancy (presumably by sending paparazzi in to capture the baby's very first sonogram) though the real credit goes to those eagle-eyed National Enquirer staffers, who spotted the baby-bump only minutes after Madden's seed implanted itself into Richie's surprisingly fertile uterus.
• The British tabs remove all doubts about their questionable journalistic ethics by posting topless pics of Helen Mirren, Judi Dench taken before they were old and wrinkly.
• Norman Mailer continues his feud with NYT book critic Michiko Kakutani; Mailer still trying to figure out "who put the hare up her royal Japanese ass."
• There's a rumor going around that top CNN execs spent the bulk of their budget on Anderson Cooper and drinking margaritas on the beach. (Spoiler: It's true).
• Posh Spice embraces her lifelong love affair with Jossip and joins the unglamorous ranks of bloggerdom.
• The small–penised, midget-like Mick Jagger is clearly not on Janice Dickinson's good side.
• In a proud moment for Nicole Richie, boyfriend Joel Madden is captured on tape beating the crap out of Crazytown's lead singer. And you thought there was no such thing as an east coast/west coast punk rivalry.
• Guy Ritchie says one black baby is enough.
• Scratch that report that Scarlett Johansson is back together with Josh Hartnett. Actually, she's just slutting around with him.
• Renee Zellweger is suddenly quite the man.
• Hilary Duff supposedly isn't too fond of ex-boyfriend Joel Madden's new girl Nicole Richie. But, uh, who would be?
• No, Kirsten Dunst, there is no such thing as privacy in these parts.
• Judith Regan calling Jews "rodents?" Pish, posh.
• Ludacris was at Michael's. With Kate White.
Star magazine's PR crack team so dutifully sent out this week's headlines, as they always do. Available for you in this week's issue that hits newsstands tomorrow:
• "The Stars Don’t Align For Jessica Once Again"
• "Nicky’s SOOO Over Kevin"
• "Kristin Cavallari’s New Beau?"
• "When Super-Skinniness Kills"
• "Kirsten Dunst: The Next New Hollywood Mom?"
• "A Brangelina Family of Blondes"
• "Pam’s 4-Month Marriage ends in Double Divorce!"
• "Lindsay Lohan Spinning Out of Control"
• "Nicole Ditches the Woman behind her Dramatic Weight Loss"
• "Britney’s BFF Rebound"
Entirely absent from the list: "Hilary & Joel Break Up!"
Sure, you can read the AMI tabloid's "exclusive" online — but the story broke in the Chicago Tribune's freebie Red Eye on Monday. Is this a new era of Bonnie Fuller, where the entire staff isn't kept till wee hour closing?
Update: A Star insider tells us the Hilary-Joel story did make this week's issue, which makes this whole post meaningless. Except that it points out the disconnect between AMI and its publicists at Coburn Communications.
Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock, named "Newlyweds of the Year" in December's GQ:
Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock, named divorcees of the year:
Then, Hilary Duff gushing to Jane's December issue about how the paparazzi helps her relationship with Joel Madden:
Hilary and Joel today:
You've met TomKat. Hell, even the New York Times has met TomKat. Now meet MaddDuff, our haphazard pairing of Good Charlotte's Joel Madden and teen queen Hilary Duff that the Gray Lady is also on top of.
Not only are the two dating, but they're making music; three of Duff's new song were written by Madden's production team.
But ever the skeptic, the NYT wonders if this relationship – albeit responsible for "really good" music – is just another means of amassing demographic crossover.
With TomKat, Tom Cruise nabbed the MTV generation (or so Lee Ann DeVette thinks). With MaddDuff, Hilary gets the punk kids while Madden snags the poppees (though his Good Charlotte is in that realm anyhow).
Their joint appearance might have something to do with a looming milestone: Ms. Duff turns 18 in four weeks. (Mr. Madden is 26.) And, although this may come as a shock, their joint appearance may also have something to do with a publicity campaign. Ms. Duff has a new compilation CD, "Most Wanted" (Hollywood), which collects hits, remixes and three new songs. Like the other Hilary Duff albums, this one is a smash: it made its debut atop the Billboard charts last week, and this week it remains America's best-selling CD.
But in this instance, we can only hope their relationship is less PR stunt and more about Madden bagging a legal poptart. Don't crush our dreams, Joel.
Editorial Director
