• PerezHilton helpfully reminds us "who's who" in the Pitt/Jolie family by scrawling the first letter of Zahara, Brad, Angelina and Shiloh's names on their respective crotches. ZABS!

• Someone delivers Poo In A Box to Time Inc; staffers were all too bored to notice/care.

• A mom coached her two children to fake retardation; kids pulled it off by proclaiming Carrot Top to be "hilarious."

• Britney Shears becomes MySpace's newest (inadvertent) spokeswoman.

• Meanwhile, TMZ says Brit may be suffering from post -artum depression. Which is kinda hard to make into a one-liner, y'know?

CONTINUED »

• NBA player John Amaechi comes out, inspiring a crazy homophobic rant from former Indiana Pacers star, Tim Hardaway.

• Fabian Basabe is concerned that his DUI will interfere with his work schedule pathetic obsession with becoming famous.

• Daniel Baldwin has been getting the rich and famous rehab treatment despite being a huge financial burden to his family and only marginally famous.

• Meanwhile, a freshly rehabbed Lindsay Lohan has managed to incorporate threesomes into her road to recovery.

• Anna Nicole's methadone-friendly doctor to officially rescind his Hippocratic Oath.

• Victoria Beckham can make the crazy-but-gorgeous Katie Holmes look lovely in March's Harper's Bazaar; but can she really design clothes for women with back-fat?

• Meanwhile, Jim Carrey's slightly worried that he'll become a couch-jumping Scientologist with no career.

(Left: John Amaechi; Right: Screenshot of a clip from Meech.org. Draw your own conclusions.)

As Queerty relays, all the gossipmongering about which NBA star would be coming out of the closet can cease, because we have our answer: it's John Amaechi, former Utah Jazz jersey wearer, European bball pro, and webmaster of Meech.org. Avoid the irony that hetero-stage ESPN is publishing the book to get to the real shock value — the book will be titled Man In The Middle.

A coming out book. Called Man In The Middle.

Man.

In the middle.

A book. About gay stuff. Man In The Middle.