In what we promise will be the last Grammy-related post of the day, below is a transcript of the Mayer/Seacrest interview from the pre-show red carpet.
You know, the one where Mayer speaks in Japanese and, oh yeah, possibly outs the not-very-well-closeted Ryan Seacrest?
Yep, that's right, apparently in addition to mocking Seacrest with his superior linguistic abilities, Mayer also managed to start things off by unleashing the Best Opening Remark Of All Time.
Remember that oft-quoted scene from Jerry Maguire where Renee Zellweger tells Tom Cruise, "you had me at hello?"
Well, Mayer 'had us' from the moment he enthusiastically greeted Seacrest with, "You're the Anderson Cooper of E!"
And how.
The full awkward interview transcript after the jump.
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Well, in addition to penning hypothetical Grey's Anatomy scripts featuring a very gay Dr. Preston Burke, John Mayer has been spending his spare time dining a deux with his semi-new squeeze, Jessica Simpson.
Yep, Mayer and Simpson popped up at at The Shore Club's Nobu restaurant for a cozy night of sushi and discreetly making out behind their menus.** And while the laughing, primping and hand-holding is almost too cute to bear, the best part, of course, was the inevitable fight for the check.
Granted, most traditionalists would argue that the man should always pay, but in the case of Jessica "Moneybags" Simpson, going dutch would certainly seem an acceptable alternative. So how did it all turn out?
When the check came, she reached for her bag and he reached for his wallet. She, however, pulled out a lipstick while he grabbed the bill. After the meal, she took a trip to the ladies room, and when she came out, wrapped her arms around the much-taller Mayer and stood on her tiptoes for a kiss on the nose.
Oh, that coy Jess! Reaching into her purse as a ruse, simply to procure a tube of lipstick and reapply at the table! We love it! But honey, the whole cutesy shtick of standing on your tippy-toes to kiss your man on the nose? He just bought you sushi from Nobu, for Chrissakes! Sheesh, where we come from, that's worth at least a hand job under the table.
**or so we're guessing.
Think you've heard the last of the Isaiah Washington gay-bashing incident? Think again. Despite the fact that the incident is already three months old (and we've completely lost interest), Jessica Simpson's shaggy-haired musician/boyfriend has decided to toss his hat into the ring.
That's right, John Mayer, evidently inspired by supermodel Gisele's earlier crazy, unsolicited musings about fashion, and has decided to weigh in with his own completely original solution to ABC's PR nightmare.
Because, according to Mayer, the only way to combat the homophobic Isaiah Washington is with a homo-friendly Dr. Burke:
Now, far be it from me to chime in on other people's business, but just like the man standing in line for a movie overhears a stranger behind him whom he knows has confused the finer points of the film "Throw Mama From The Train" with those of "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!", sometimes you have to turn around and butt into a situation that doesn't concern you in order to offer a little bit of assistance.
ABC may fire Mr. Washington, and it seems as if the pressure to do so is mounting by the day. They may also choose to placate all parties involved with some well-constructed press releases and the soothing touch of time, but in my mind, neither outcome succeeds in making any strides in promoting the tenets of tolerance and understanding.
I would like to offer my suggestion for a solution; produce an episode of Grey's Anatomy in which Mr. Washington's character, Dr. Burke comes out to his friends and colleagues as a gay man!!! What better way for an actor to get to the roots of his discrimination than by portraying the very the subject of his own ire for the remainder of his contract? That'll learn ya!
Lest you think that we're joking, please allow us reassure you that Mayer then goes on to script out a few "hypothetical" Grey's Anatomy scenes, as per his aforementioned Dr. Burke-is-a-homosexual storyline. And not surprisingly, the end result is so campy/awful/unfunny that we're actually rendered speechless and virtually incapable of mockery. Suffice it to say that highlights include Dr. Burke baking tea cookies for Jake Shears of Scissor Sisters, a gay club in Seattle called "The RamRod," a mime with a scalpel in his chest, and, most improbably of all, the self-involved, narcissistic Meredith Grey relegated to a single, solitary line of dialogue??
We assure you the whole thing reads like an unfunny joke that's gone on for way too long, but should you have any interest in seeing how the creative genius behind "Your Body Is A Wonderland" envisions a very gay episode of Grey's, the full "script" is available after the jump.
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• Check out Courntney Love's laundry list of New Year's resolutions, including "sell the pony," "stay pissed off at the world," and "no more surgery for any reason other than medical until i really need it in my 60s." No, seriously.
• After nearly being stripped of her crown, Miss "Rehab" USA contemplates stripping for Playboy.
• Paris Hilton enjoys having a wild monkey in her bed; everyone feigns surprise.
• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have reportedly ended their affair in an effort to prevent "Kato" from totally catching on.
• John Mayer and Jessica Simpson: Two cosmic peas in a pod.
• Angelina Jolie might be pregnant. Or not. Either way, she's thinner than all of us.
• Jessica Simpson and John Mayer confirm their "secret" relationship with messy, drunken PDA.
• Joe Simpson cashed in on Jessica's fame to score himself free Cowboys tix. Continues trying to figure out how to cash in on Ashlee's "fame."
• Steve-O resolves to be "An Even Bigger Jackass" in 2007.
• Breaking: Paris Hilton can add "bad tipper" to her dubious list of accomplishments.
• Jay Mohr marries Nikki Cox, again confuses her with the "hot chick" from Married With Children.
• Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush finalize divorce proceedings, leaving Murray free to enter into second ill-advised quickie marriage.
• After the high-profile cancelation of O.J.'s book deal and interview, he finds other ways to "hypothetically" profess his guilt.
• Busta Rhymes to be charged with assaulting an employee, compounding his pre-existing charges of assault and attempted assault.
• Oh, so you heard Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes got married? So we don't have to talk about it? Even the part where Andrea Bocelli snubbed the Scientology couple? Unless their flight to the Maldives goes down in flames? Great!
• Michael "Kramer" Richards pulls a Mel Gibson, launches into racist rant on stage, might not receive free drinks at the Laugh Factory any more.
• Lindsay Lohan accidently stores coke razor in wrists.
• While Britney Spears parties in Las Vegas, Kevin Federline wears a burlap sack in Miami.
• Lindsay Lohan signs with Miu Miu after LV defeat.
• Rod and Kim Stewart argue over who's more irresponsible.
• Living above the city in the Time Warner Center proves too trying for 21-year-old Anna Anisimova.
• Jessica Simpson and John Mayer remain just friends. Who cuddle.
• An Olsen twin's teeth surface for a brief moment.
• Since Us couldn't get the Anna Nicole Smith photos, they ran with this story. [Us]
• If John Mayer's music career doesn't flourish, he always has sneakers to fall back on. [UnBeige]
• Of course Rupert Everett would rather have sperm than hair. Any gay man forced to make the choice between the two would choose the same. [TMZ]
• So, basically, what Rachel Sklar is telling us, is that there is nobody left at SNL. [ETP]
• Welcome to laaaamest celebrity auction ever. [AP]
• Bruce Willis has a ton of ideas. He swears. [R&M]
• A day in the life of Lindsay Lohan never complete without a trip to the hospital. This time it wasn't exhaustion or asthma, though … just her being a klutz and/or drunk. [Access Hollywood]
• Nicole Richie holds food up to her face, paparazzi takes pictures. Let's just be grateful they don't follow her into the bathroom to see it come up the other way. [Mollygood]
• John Mayer prefers his publicity stunts to include thousands of voicemails from strangers … as opposed to rumors that he's dating the most undatable girl in Hollywood. [NYM]
• Even in Ben Affleck's world, the idea of him winning a "Best Actor" award is completely inconceivable. [Us]
Just in case you were dying for a Jessica Simpson/John Mayer update, the New York Times has the news Jossip brought you last week.
From today's New York Times:
The cover features a somewhat fuzzy picture of the singer smiling at the camera and the words “I’m in love” in large, bold print over the photo. But the text of the paragraph below the headline quotes a friend saying “he makes her heart skip.” The cover quotation is from the friend, citing Ms. Simpson’s words, not from Ms. Simpson herself.
From Jossip last week:
Instead, People ran with the cover quote "I'm in love." Which is, of course, not from the mouth of the Simpson babe, but from one of her her anonymous "friends." Hmmm.
Fittingly, Jossip's posting was all about how People never credited the Enquirer with orginially reporting the story. We guess the Times was just following suit?
Someone Says Jessica’s in Love. But Who? [Lia Miller, New York Times]
Earlier: People Nabs National Enquirer's Story, Doesn't Credit, Doesn't Source
• Holy shit! Lindsay Lohan's getting engaged to Harry Morton! [Page Six]
• Or, you know, she's not. [Star]
• After attacking the swag lounge in the Bryant Park hotel, Jessica Simpson enters a raffle and wins a car. We hope she's using these difficult times to inspire material for her third album [NYDN]
• There's gotta' be a Ben Widdicombe joke in here somewhere. We're too hungover to think of something subtle yet obvious, so we'll leave it to you. [AP]
• We so don't want to picture these two doin' it. [Us]
This "Jessica Simpson dating John Mayer" story is sure causing quite a stir.
First, we reported that People stole the National Enquirer's story that Jessica found a new love in John.
From last week's Enquirer:
The pair began e-mailing and phoning each other after they met at record mogul Clive Davis’ pre-Grammy party in February. And just a few weeks ago, their relationship blossomed “into a full-fledged romance,” disclosed the friend.
And now Star is reporting that Jessica and John's "romance" is all a sham.
Despite reports that have emerged over the past 24 hours that Jessica Simpson is dating singer John Mayer, Star has learned that the relationship is not as steamy as reported — or steamy at all!
Only in the wonderful tabloid land of Bonnie Fuller would a mag refute reports from a pub that dwells right down the hall. (Also worth noting: It's not just People! Star doesn't credit the Enquirer for the story either.)
IS JESSICA REALLY DATING JOHN MAYER? [Star Magazine]
There has been plenty of debate today as to which celeb obessed pub first landed the story that Jessica Simpson was dating John Mayer. We thought it was odd that People was where we saw the gossip first … and since they didn't boldly pronounce "exclusive!" we just knew the story had to have come from somewhere else.
"Us Weekly has the cover!" Us' PR people pelted to our inbox. One tipster suggested that Perez Hilton "scooped" the story from under Janice Min's nose … which confused us, mainly because Perez (who was hoing it out with Jessica and her retarded monkey of a sister last night) credited the National Enquirer.
It's true, the Enquirer was first with the story. And we're told that when Perez heard Ken Baker on Ryan Secreast yesterday, Ken sourced the Enquirer as well. We know nobody ever believes the NE (because they used to put alien babies and 600 pound bearded goat ladies on the cover), but when a tab picks up one of their stories, they better give credit where it's due.
Which is exactly what People didn't do. An source with insider knowledge tells Jossip that the mag switched their cover last minute to make room for the Jessica/John story — never mentioning the Enquirer as the source of their info. Meanwhile, their website update went live only after Perez Hilton's, with no more details than he relayed.
Instead, People ran with the cover quote "I'm in love." Which is, of course, not from the mouth of the Simpson babe, but from one of her her anonymous "friends." Hmmm.
Really, we have no doubt Jessica has a few imaginary friends. We just didn't know those non-existant "friends" were talking to People.
Ok, it's the last week of summer, nothing is happening, and it's been gray and rainy for almost a week now. So when we hear the news that Jessica Simpson's got a new man, well, we can't just sit back and pretend like we don't care. This time it's People (Us Weekly, where are you?!) who breaks the somewhat shocking news that Jessica is dating John Mayer.
"She's tiptoeing back into the dating world," a source tells PEOPLE. "It's the first stage. She's never been happier."
The two singers have known each other for several years and last year both attended Clive Davis's pre-Grammys party in Beverly Hills.
The girl sure does have a thing for other artists. Even though People reminds us she's most recently been rumored to date Dane Cook and Jared Leto since her split with Nick, let's not forget the month long Adam Levine romp interspersed with some Jude Law.
Then again, that wasn't really "dating." That was just sex.
Jessica Simpson's New Man: John Mayer
Earlier: Star has Jessica Simpson's whorefest on camera
If you thought Bonnie Fuller's must-have list of tampons, razors, nylons, and thongs was a little much, well, it could be worse. Bon's desk drawer pales in comparison to dressing room demands of singer John Mayer.
• Four "soft head" toothbrushes
• A bottle of Listerine
• Two small tubes of mint-flavored toothpaste (Sensodyne or Tom's of Maine)
• Two packages of Altoids breath mints
• Four organic lip balms
• Gold Bond powder
• A copy of the New York Times
• One box of a "Kids Brand Cereal" (either Cap'n Crunch, Count Chocula, Lucky Charms, Cookie Crisp, or Cinnamin Toast Crunch)
• Two tubes of Krazy Glue
Krazy Glue? He should ask for some Krazy Pills, too while he's at it.
Oh yeah, and unlike the very gossipy, likely not to be true story about Hilary Duff's demands that her furniture match the wallpaper of her dressing room, The Smoking Gun actually has the contract, which includes dressing room demands.
John Mayer, Bruiseman [The Smoking Gun]
• Last week's Plug Awards featured "Indie Night School" where bloggers told bands how best to go about getting blog exposure for themselves. Next time save yourselves the money guys and just go the sexual favors route. [Village Voice]
• Rock the Vote has managed to rock itself into $700,000 of debt, two lawsuits, and having no president, all while likening themselves to the popular kid no one asks out because they figure she already has a date. Yeah, that girl is usually barefoot and pregnant by 19. [LA Times]
• The war between Mariah Carey and Madonna rages on. Madonna won the latest round by securing the opening act at the Grammy's, so Mariah's pretty much going to have to sit on her to win the next battle. [Rush & Molloy]
• John Mayer's next album will not include his famous "pop sweetness." He might be hurting his chances to sleep with Jessica Simpson. (You know she likes 'em little on the gay side.) [AP]
• After fleeing a shooting on the set of his music video, Busta Rhymes, will probably be brought in for questioning. Yeah, nothing says innocence like bolting when you hear the sirens. [MTV]
• Kelly Clarkson gets rid of her less-famous boyfriend. Since he's been gone, maybe she can tattoo breathe on her wrist for the first time. [People]
• Gorillaz will deliver their own "Queen's Speech" (whatever that is) on Christmas day. If you just can't wait until then to hear it, here's the full transcript. Thrilling we tell you. [NME]
• While her career is sort of dying, Pink herself is still very much alive. And what better way to remind the world of your existence than to record an album entitled: I'm Not Dead?
[MTV]
• Ryan Adams and Willie Nelson are planning to cut a record. There's just never enough booze and ponytail holders to go around, is there? [Product Shop NYC]
• Like anyone wants to know what John Mayer's offspring will look like. Oh, Cityrag, you always give us nightmares. [Cityrag]
• Looks like David Letterman isn't the only one who needs a restraining order. His band guy Paul Shaffer's wiggin' out now too. [Page Six]
Editorial Director
