• When Brangelina welcome their first child together, just be happy it isn't named Moses. [TMZ]

• Page Six picks up our Colin Farrell got drunk item, but in Blind Item packaging. [Page Six]

• GQ's May issue doesn't only feature TomKat parading down a deserted road in black and white. It also has an interview with the twosome, where you learn Cruise thinks pregnancy seminars are "a fun game of learning." [AP]

• With Scary Movie 4 delivering the biggest Easter weekend opening ever, the brothers Weinstein muster decent starter evidence their billion dollar Weinstein Co. might have a shot. [AP]

• It doesn't shock us that the U.S. Figure Skating Association is trying to ignore Olympic flame Johnny Weir, but that he's still making headlines. [Gatecrasher]

• With zero accounts of Naomi Campbell beating an assistant this week, we needed a report of Pete Doherty assaulting a photog. [Perez Hilton]

Wait a minute. Haven't the Olympics flamed out enough already?

Olympics flame out in ratings [USA Today]

• Your Monday mag round-up includes Details readers cutting off their balls, Men's Health readers getting rock-hard abs, and everything you've ever wanted to know about Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Dick Cheney. Let's hope the rest of the week goes up from here. [NYP]

• Wait, journalists were responsible for the Holocaust? Then who was running the media during World War Two? [NYT]

• Things are getting so tough over at Rolling Stone that you have to be one of the next 50 people in line for the thrown to be hired as a music writer. Nice job, Lord Freddie Windsor. [Page Six]

• The beauty of Allure is that it has managed to survive solely based on a readership of Conde Nast employees. [NYDN]

• The media doesn't care if Johnny Weir is gay. His flamboyancy is much more relevant than who he's sleeping with. [Sun-Times]