• Only someone as dumb as Kimberly Stewart could get away with justifying grand theft auto as a practical joke gone awry.
• Could Madonna's support for Clinton help her win the nomination? Because it seemed to work really well four years ago with her endorsement of Wesley Clark. (Who??)
• In other Hillary news, who has time to worry about cleavage when they're being harassed by a gay journo with an ax to grind?
• We already kinda suspected Jamba Juice was putting crack cocaine in their smoothies, but now that Amy Winehouse is drinking them in public, we're sure of it.
• Don't worry, Jess. Something about buying laundry detergent makes our nipples hard, too.
• Why Prince is still an inspiration for midget-sized transsexuals everywhere.
• Lindsay's 21st bday was so boring, she had to take all the exploitative photographs herself.
• Meanwhile, Salman Rushdie's rep attributes his client's impending divorce to 'too many chefs' in Padma Lakshmi's kitchen.
• Robert F. Kennedy 3rd gets freaky with a "heavyset girl" from Missy Elliott's entourage.
• Tracey Edmonds ditches Eddie Murphy after occasionally hearing or reading things that "made her wonder." Presumably, Edmonds is referring to rumors that Murphy fathered a child with Scary Spice then totally denied it. Either that or she finally watched Norbit.
It's a sad day when we're waking up earlier than Star magazine.
Talan's Crazy For Kimberly! [Star]
Related: Kimberly & Talan: And the wedding would've made a great reality special
Whew, we are glad we didn't already set aside the date that hadn't yet been set for Kimberly Stewart and Talan Torriero's wedding day as the headline-crazed twosome have called off their engagement. Tear jerking, we know.
"It was just too soon to enter into a lifelong commitment," the couple's reps said in a joint statement to PEOPLE. "It is better to have a brief engagement than a short marriage. The couple continue to share their time together and remain open to whatever the future may hold."
We've got a hankering said "future" involves some walk-on parts on The WB and maybe a season of Surreal Life down the road.
Just when you thought we'd seen the last of Kimberly Stewart since not getting picked for The Simple Life and the last of Talan Torriero since Laguna Beach ended, there's this happy moment — which probably took place in the back seat of Stavros Niarchos' crashed Bentley.
ET has confirmed that KIMBERLY STEWART is engaged to "Laguna Beach" cast member TALAN TORRIERO. The 26-year-old daughter of rocker ROD STEWART recently split from "Girls Gone Wild" producer JOE FRANCIS. She was previously engaged to musician CISCO ADLER back in autumn of 2004. No word yet on a wedding date for Kimberly and Talan.
Did anyone else just throw up a little bit in their mouth?
• Kimberly Stewart really doesn't need to shout when talking about how miserable it is to date Joe Francis, especially when the punchline rests with her brother Sean dressing up as the Girls Gone Wild mogul. [Page Six & Lowdown]
• Mariah Carey is donating furs given as a gift from a Russian mega-kabillionaire to PETA, so they can donate them to the homeless to keep warm this winter. Which sounds like a great plan, so long as overeager activists don't start tossing red paint on 'em when they pass out. [Page Six]
• Elton John is still able to make the gays cringe? We've never respected him so much. [The Scoop]
• Oliver Stone may be responsible for blockbuster films, but he's also ruining the lives of lesbians! [Page Six]
• Vogue associate publisher Connie Anne Phillips has been accused of – shock! – using her position (and Anna Wintour's name) to wrangle ad page buys from advertisers. She's pissed enough enough Madison Avenuers that Conde Nast sent her to anger management, which is code for her bending over Tom Florio's lap. [Gatecrasher]
• Congratulations to Us Weekly editrix Janice Min on the coming of her second spawn. Or, as it's known in the biz, a humanitarian way of taking the spotlight off her celebrity trashing. [Page Six]
• Before: Jon Favreau was fat. Now: Jon Favreau is really fat. [Page Six]
• Kimberly Stewart and Mischa Barton are about to go all Tyra and Karrine, thanks to The O.C.'s starlet's romance with Cisco Adler, otherwise known as Kimberly's ex-fiance.
• Gigi Goyette has no idea why David Pecker's American Media wrote her a check for $20,000, since "nothing happened' between her and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Her confusion, of course, didn't stop her from cashing the check.
• Jessica Simpson is chained to OK! magazine, in print and in real life. Not only is she still tied down to her $200,000 contract with the celeb rag that forbids her from giving exclusives to other glossies but she was kept roped off in a corner at OK!'s launch party at Hotel Gansevoort Tuesday night.
• Tom Cruise's church is reaching out to Kate Moss, hoping their no-drugs philosophy will sound more appealing than regular rehab.
• Dreamworks is laying the blame thick on Reese Witherspoon for her dismal Just Like Heaven opening weekend results, which saw just $16.5 million in ticket sales. Not that the plot or promotions had anything to do with is.
• So why did Kenny Chesney and Renee Zellwegger split? Depends on which paper you read. The New York Post's Cindy Adams claims it had to do with Kenny's "lifestyle choices," while the New York Daily News' offers up the tamer "she wanted kids, he didn't." Meanwhile, Page Six has the goods on their prenup, which Kenny had drawn up thanks to his fortune worth 10x hers.
• Beside trading the pasties for that pesky orange jumpsuit, Lil' Kim can look forward to 366 days in prison featuring recreation in a large cage per weekday and an 80-square-foot, dimly lit cell to pass the remainder of the time. At least she has her five mics rating for her new Naked Truth album from The Source, even if it did take her manager's romance with the mag's CEO to get it.
• Kate Moss owned up to those Daily Mirror photos and admitted her coke use, and H&M appreciates her honesty: They're letting her stay on as the face of the discount fashion chain. Meanwhile, her contracts with Dior and Chanel are said to be in good standing.
• Rosario Dawson waved goodbye to her Lower East Side haunt on Thursday now that's she left the Rent stage, and we're sure her much poorer co-tenants are glad to see her leave the rent controlled flat.
• We're not even sure how this happened, but we've got Joe Francis and Kimberly Stewart proclaiming they are not together while Francis' rep says they are. Usually handler and client get their stories in line first.
• Catherine Zeta-Jones turned down a $50,000 ring from a jeweler at Fashion Week, though we hear she was in a hurry to get more minutes.
• It's not quite up to the caliber of Kidz Bop, but FEMA has rap lyrics just for the youngin's. Next up: A Mike Brown goodbye lullaby.
• Amtrak's monthly commuter fares could hike as much as 50 percent, which will certainly help increase revenue. Right?
• You mean newspapers don't want to comply with FEMA's request not to photograph Katrina's dead?
• Sony isn't letting Apple snag all the press over the release of its iPod nano. The Japanese electronics maker is trying to play up its revamped Walkman to grab some market share, or at least a headline.
• It hurts us – truly, it does – to see Kimberly Stewart do a better Paris Hilton than Paris herself.
• Sensitivity challenged Kimberly Stewart strikes again. In the October issue of Stuff, the wanna-be starlet let loose on Heather Mills McCartney, the amputee and activist. "What has three legs and lives on a farm?" Rod Stewart's daughter snarks. "Paul McCartney and his wife." Now what has a saggy ass and pays for friends?
• We can't decide whether Tara Reid is more famous for her awful boob job or her party girl antics, but E! settled the debate for us: She's not famous enough, which is why they canned her Taradise.
• Overexposed author Bret Easton Ellis didn't have quite the experience Anna Wintour did on the Today show. Instead of being quizzed by Matt Lauer (who split to Iraq), Katie Couric conducted the questioning, which left Ellis sneering: "She was such a bitch to me, I couldn't believe it." But the knees! Oh, the knees.
• Blinging up baby! The upcoming spawn of Britney Spears and K-Fed is going to be decked out in a designer wardrobe, courtesy Donatella Versace. No doubt Ms. Versace was enticed by the challenge of creating low riders and tacky T-shirts for the infant set.
• It's 10 counts of fraud for Survivor's first winner Richard Hatch, who notoriously omitted his $1 million winnings plus other compensation. He faces up to 75 years in prison — or eating two dozen balut eggs.
• Tonight's hour-long Hurricane Katrina telethon won't feature any special precautions, except for a five or seven second delay, to ward off any Kanye copycats. Or West himself, who's on the roster.
• Voletta Wallace, mother of Notorious B.I.G., doesn't have very nice things to say about her deceased son's friends Sean Combs and Lil' Kim, and she's using her upcoming memoir to spit. As for Diddy: "Sean loved my son–after he was dead."
• Jimmy Choo president Tamara Mellon, who's been dating Girls Gone Wild bad boy Joe Francis, found out the real reason he didn't show up for a dinner date: he was smooching up Kimberly Stewart at the recent Pam Anderson roast. Her revenge? The following day, instead of flying off to Mexico with him, she sent a messenger with a manila envelope containing photos of Francis kissing Stewart. Gives a new take on the phrase, "air mail."
• Colin Farrell, chi chi man? So say his friends in Jane Kelly's unauthorized bio Colin Farrell: Living Dangerously, who claim his masculine image was sculpted by handlers. When he was a kid, he was a sissy. And that Irish accent? New to them!
• The World Music Awards, if you've heard of them, were a disaster, to put it simply. Taping was scheduled to being at 8pm but didn't get underway till 9pm. Throw continual stops and starts in the mix and you've got Stevie Wonder closing the show well after midnight.
• How do you detract from a steroid scandal? By getting married, of course! Lance Armstrong proposed to Sheryl Crow on Wednesday at Sun Valley, Idaho. No date's been set, but we're betting they won't be honeymooning in France.
• Without the long wigs and plastered on white make up, we just might not recognize the new Michael Jackson when he reappears post-makeover. Well, only if we're wearing our Jesus Juice goggles.
• Moby is moving on up — to Central Park West. The electronica tea drinker is leaving behind the Lower East Side for a $4.5 million five-level penthouse (two 360-degree views), but he'll venture downtown to make sure teany's running lemon-y.
• Victoria Gotti got checked on her breast cancer story, with her longtime publicist Matthew Rich quitting over Gotti's tall tale that was more publicity stunt for the third season of Growing Up Gotti than it was life threatening scare.
• Sharon Osbourne is being accused of orchestrating the pegging of Iron Maiden band members at Ozzfest. She supposedly encouraged Black Sabbath fans to chuck eggs and bottles at the rival band after lead singer Bruce Dickinson slammed metal singers who appear in reality shows.
• R. Kelly is confirmed to be part of this weekend's MTV VMA lineup despite his lingering statutory rape trial. He could deflect all that controversy by going all Britney-Madonna with an Usher smooch.
• Joe Francis' ex Tamara Mellon isn't through with the Girls Gone Wilder. She snuck into the private birthday party of current Francis fling Kimberly Stewart where Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan watched security drag has ass outside.
• Queen Latifah and David Bowie music producer Christian Julian Irwin has gone missing, but not before making a panicked phone call to a friend claiming he was being chased through a ravine.
• The Island producers Walter Parkes and Laurie MacDonald are blaming the movie's title (named after something that doesn't even exist in the film) and its stars Scarlett Johansson and Ewan McGregor for the $120 million flop. They say lesser TV actors couldn't secured a bigger draw. Like, Katie Holmes?
• Bill Maher is falling for Niche Media's Jason Binn, now that the actor is penning a column for Binn's Gotham magazine. We're hoping that won't mean Fabian Basabe loses his page.
• HBO isn't letting its favorite franchise die early. Instead of the planned series finale next year, The Sopranos was signed for an extra eight episodes to air after the sixth season's sign-off.
• It's been only a few days since Eddie Murphy's wife Nicole filed for divorce and already he's on the prowl for a new fling. Perhaps his behavior has something to do with their "irreconcilable differences."
• Kimberly Stewart, who called Jennifer Anistion "homely" and not "gorgeous or anything" is trying to make good, sending flowers and an apology to the broken-hearted actress. Kimberly, Kimberly, Kimberly, now what did we say about throwing stones?
• Nicole Richie and producer Andrew Shaifer are trying to dodge Paris Hilton by moving the premiere date of their Kids In America to October 21, away from Paris' Pledge This November 4 debut date.
• Nightclub doyenne Amy Sacco will have her life story told on the small screen (or HBO, which is a slightly larger screen, should you believe their PR pitches), thanks to a new deal with Sarah Jessica Parker's Prettymatches Productions.
• Johnny Knoxville might have passed a lie detector when it came to pondering whether he had sex with Jessica Simpson, but his heart rate didn't fare so well when it came to whether they've kissed.
• Paris Hilton's identity has been stolen, not online but in the physical world. An impostor is passing herself off as Paris Latsis' fiance, thanks to her identical looks and the small yap dog she's been carrying around St. Tropez.
• American Media Inc. is rushing to clean up its Demi Moore pregnancy-slash-miscarriage mess. The National Enquirer "broke" the miscarriage first and corporate cousin Star was ready with its own story that got pulled, inexplicably, at the last minute.
• The B-list hooking up continues, as Jimmy Choo founder Tamara Mellon and Girls Gone Wild's Joe Francis split. Francis quickly recouped with the help of new flame, saggy-assed Kimberly Stewart.
(Image via NYSD)
Editorial Director
